Sympathy vs Empathy

Factual Questions
1

OK, can someone give me a clear, concise explaination of the difference between these two words?

I think I’ve got them backwards.
ANd please, before you tell me to get a dictionary, I already have. It’s just that different dictionaries don’t really seem to be consistant in definitions.

Everywhere I find differences, (like here http://www.bss-gn.com/nl/may2001/art002.htm , and the listings at http://www.m-w.com) seem to be muddy, if not conflicting.

Depending on what I learn, this might lead me to another question about “sympathy cards”.

2

I always thought that “sympathy” meant you feel bad for someone although you had never experienced the same loss.

“Empathy” was being able to “sympathize” because you have had a similar experience.

I’m not 100% sure that is correct, but is that clear?

3

Based on my interpretation of the dictionary definitions, the difference (in my humble opinion) is this:

Sympathy is understanding the feelings or interests of another.
Empathy is vicariously experiencing those feelings, or at least appearing to.

Perhaps another way to look at it is that sympathy is more objective; I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I’m sure it’s not good and I’ll moderate my behaviour accordingly. Empathy is more subjective; I’m feeling (or believing I feel) some or all of the same feelings based on my relationship to you.

Anyway, just my personal interpretation.

4

Oops, I forgot to give my example:

I can sympathize with you for the death of your parent, because both of mine are still alive.

However, I can empathize that you haven’t won Publishers Clearing House yet, because neither have I.

5

I always assumed the same thing that both of you (monster, mattk) are saying.
However, goto http://www.m-w.com and look them both up. It seems to be the reverse (although not entirely clear).

6

Hmm.

Merriam-Webster says this of empathy:

… and this of sympathy:

Again, this is only my interpretation, but that to me suggests that M-W are claiming that *sympathy[/n] is the capacity for feeling others’ pain, but that empathy is the action of feeling that pain without that feeling having been explicitly communicated.

A particularly bad analogy (the only kind I know) might be the difference between labour pains and sympathy pains; on the one hand, I can sympathise because I know pain is bad, but on the other, I may think I actually feel that pain.

7

And I’m sure you all empathise with my preview-dammit-preview pain.

8

It’s specifically the portion of the “empathy” definition that reads “without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner” that murks the waters for me.
I guess that makes sense, and I was correct to begin with. I don’t understand why the definition has to be so roundabout in saying “because you’ve been through the same thing” by way of the given definition.