It should read:
“Ah! Those handicapped space hog assholes!”
There ain’t no reason why any car can’t fit into a single parking spot. I’ve driven small cars and big cars alike, and never had any trouble (heck, in the Expedition, I always make sure to park farther away from the store so’s I don’t bug anyone else with the car’s oversized bulk). That being said…
During the Tech Sunday (from 9:00 AM 'til midnight or beyond) for one of our shows, one of the snobby rich brats in the cast parked his massive pickup across three lanes. Well, about seven hours into the rehearsal, I found that I had some free time, so I went into the kitchen and got a few rolls of saran wrap, wrapped it all around his car (well, the cabin, anyway), then got a hose and doused it real nice. He had an annoying time getting all the wrap off (there were like twenty layers of the stuff).
Okay, let’s change the subject just a little bit. I have a nice car, a Rambler convertible that I really love, that I’ve worked hard to restore, and that just spent $1200 on for really nice new paint.
How exactly would you guys suggest that I protect that expensive paint job? Seems to me that under some circumstances, parking across two places is entirely justified–or should I let the Great unwashed make junk out of my car?
Rocketeer: Just park at the far end of the lot. That is cool, Less people park there so no one gets pissed, better chance at getting a shaded spot, and you get a bit more exercise. All good things, everyone wins…
I do it sometimes with my 67 Mustang. I don’t do it up front though it’s always in the back of the lot. it STILL atracts people and they park around it. the other thing that pisses me off is some people block me in when I ride my bike. hello, I can park here too you know.
In S.F. parking is a nightmare, I’ve had to park in red zones, bus stops, double park, you name it. But I will not take up a handicapped space, and can’t stand those who do without good reason. The ones I hate the most are the a-holes who have gotten that tag somehow, and use it for all it’s worth without needing it. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen some one pull into the space and then jog over to their destination. AAAHHHRRRRRGG! But I don’t like spitting at cars or other destructive things. I prefer to wish them a speedy recovery…
I used to drive a 1986 Chevy Sprint (GM’s version of the Suzuki Swift). It was 12 feet long and 4 feet wide. Whenever the parking lot was crowded, I could still squeeze next to the dolt who tried to occupy 2 spaces and still be between the lines.
~~Baloo
Reminds me of a wheelchair bound friend I have. He, if he finds a car parked illegally in a handicapped spot, very calmly, takes a hammer (that he always carries with him) and breaks their headlights. I figure, hey, anything to help you cope with life.
I think parking in the outskirts of the parking lot (providing that it’s not a 100% full lot, which would make that pointless) is the best idea. No one will really care if you take up two spaces there.
However, I am sorry to sound harsh, but you chose to invest all that money in your car. The rest of us (The Great Unwashed) don’t really give a crap about your car. We should care enough about everyone else’s property to not be careless around it - I know I always am. But you take your risks when you drive your precious car out in the Real World. Your precious car could be rear-ended on the street, anything could happen to it. That’s Life. If your car’s expensive paint job is so important to you, you’d better keep it in your driveway at all times, and just admire it there. It’s not safe to risk that paint job out on the road, obviously.
If you think your car should have special treatment because of it’s expensive paint job, perhaps I think my car should have special treatment because - I dunno - it’s a blue car, and I’m a wonderful person. Who makes the rules about what is “justsified”?
Oooooo, I can’t believe this happened. On my wedding day. All of us had to park in a gravel parking lot. No problem since it was a Ski area and all. Apparently the problem was there where no lines painted.
Some idiot from some other party blocked me in! I had parked in nose to nose with another car. This idiot parked nose to bumper with me. There where plenty of other places to park, he would have had to walk another 50 feet. I couldn’t get out and get to the after wedding party. Lucky for him the person that parked correctly moved before he came back (I’m 6’4", 210lbs, and was just a little upset).
There must be Hispanic Catholic guilt, too. I am the sweetest and most kindly of women, but when I see a bright, shiny ride taking up TWO parking spaces, my keys WANT to take off paint. I’ve never done it, but I want to.
[some comedian whose name I’ve forgotten]
I saw one of those handicapped people park in one of our spaces. I beat the shit out of him.
[/scwnif]
The owner of a night club located in a strip mall ALWAYS parked her prized Camaro in the handicapped spot in front of the establishment. She had gotten windshield notes, etc. but never moved her car. Because the lot had survelliance cameras, nobody dared do anything to her car. At any rate, irate people called the police to have her towed but the police said something about being a private parking lot thus they couldn’t enforce the handicapped space thing.
One night somebody had had enough and drove an old crappy car (without tags) into the side of her precious Camaro. He/she drove off. The car was abandoned a bit aways. I guess Uninsured Motorists took care of her car, but the precious baby had been tainted. I’m from a small town and it made the newspaper for weeks.
One of my buds from High School used to park diagonally across two spaces all the time. He used to do it to avoid door dings because he had no side body moldings on his highly-customized Camaro.
But the diagonal parking had the exact opposite effect. Even though he would park in the remotest corner of the lot, countless times he came back to his car to find it keyed or loogied on or worse.
A note to whoever mentioned Vaseline before: Once a windshield has had Vaseline on it, it will never be the same. The glass will develop a white haze on rainy days and will need to be replaced in most cases.
Although I don’t park diagonally across two spaces, or park obnoxiously in any way, I have had my car vandalized many times and I can honestly say that it’s a really shitty feeling. If you feel the need to reprimand someone for their crappy parking job, please leave a note or do something relatively harmless. It does suck to have to pay several hundred dollars to repaint a door or to replace a windshield.
I happen to own a valve-stem wrench. It has come in handy (for things other than replacing vavle stems on my own cars :D) a couple of times. I used to live in Norman, OK, and game-day parking in the fall is unbelievable. We charged $5 at my fraternity house, which was right across the street from the campus. Occasionally, we’d get parking poachers on the yard and even in front of our driveway. One day, I couldn’t get into the student section and was forced to watch the game on TV back at the house. A brother and I probably let the air out of tires (all four in every case:D) on about 15 cars that had illegally parked on house property (mostly by driving around the barricade we’d put up behind the house) and then called a towing service to have them removed. Not only did the owners have to ransom their cars from the wrecker operator, they had to get said operator to air up their tires. The operator told us that often people were quite rude when picking up their cars and he really appreciated our stunt. I’ll bet he got to see a lot of people eat some crow that day.
I watched my mother whip out her lipstick and scrawl “Learn how to park, you JERK” on the driver’s window of a huge truck that had been parked straddling two spaces. I was about 12 at the time, and I was truly horrified at her. Now, almost daily, I have to fight the urge to do the same thing. I’ve got my Revlon “Coffee Bean” lipstick just itching in my purse.
Encase the car in clear Lucite and put it in your living room. If you are going to drive it, your paint job is going to get damaged. I mean, have you created a force field to keep rocks and debris in the road from pinging it?
There is an Explorer that parks in one of the closest lots here and, invariably, it will park across two spots. I think they justify this in their mind by figuring that the spots are the last two next to a fence, so they can sprawl and no one has the chance to come in beside them or something. I don’t know what they think, it’s assholic beavior, so I can’t think of any reasonable justification when there are, literaly, acres of parking lot available for a little more walk.
The first time I saw this, I was able to squeeze in between them and the fence. By squeeze, I literally had to climb out of my window, but hey, I was proving a point. To be safe, I wrote down the guys license plate in real big text and left the paper inside my car and easily visible, incase they felt “scratchy” on their way out.
Since then, they’ve parked either slightly diagonnaly or closer to the fence, either way, there is no way to get another car in there. They did this Tuesday, so I left a Post-It note on their windshield:
Haven’t seen them lately.
As bad as my temper is over things like this (and believe me, it’s BAD), I don’t believe in damaging someone else’s property, even the “minor” damage of letting the air out of their tires.
Consequently, I absolutely adore this idea. Thanks for sharing it, YoBabe.
I’ve definitely left phlegm on parking hogs’ windshields. Well worth the effort, and I can’t think of a law against it. (Is it vandalism if it doesn’t do any damage? Hmm, maybe it is…)
tatertot: For water soluble car-marking solution, dissolve watercolor paint (the really cheap stuff like from a crayola set) in just a little water, and mix it with dishwashing soap. That should be plenty colorful but still wash off easily. Although it’ll still stain porous surfaces like convertible tops.
I like the chocolate milk idea. Another place to put it is into the vent intake. (Many cars have this between the windshield and the hood) It should smell nice and sour in a little while. Tuna is also good for this purpose.
Or one could just accidentally spill thier soda onto the vehicle, granted that one may have to run like hell as soon as it happens.