In which an Anonymous Note Isn't Anonymous

The BBQ Pit
1

It’s Murphy’s law that whenever the weather is good, nobody at my apartment complex is home.

When the weather is bad, everybody apparently invites friends over, who take over all of the convenient parking anywhere near my building.

(If you want a garage you can rent one, but the free parking is not assigned.)

So before Christmas a few days ago, after going to my job’s Christmas party, it’s dropped below freezing and all I have on is a flimsy little cocktail dress and strappy heels, with a totally inadequate coat over it. It’s also misting, which makes everything feel even colder. I’m tired, I’m grumpy, I’m freezing, my feet hurt, I’m loaded down with both my own presents and the presents of people who forgot theirs at the party…it’s the middle of the night and I have a headache from the champagne I stopped drinking so I could drive home safely…

And all I want in the world is to be able to park within a reasonable distance of the building…is Santa listening?

And as I pull up to park I think I see a spot! Just one! It’s the only one that isn’t eighty billion feet away from my building! YAY!

I turn to claim it, and realize it isn’t a whole parking spot.

It’s just half of one.

Somebody who drives some kind of large white SUV (at a glance it looks like an overgrown Jeep or a Land Rover–I’m lousy at recognizing cars because I don’t care and it’s very dark and starting to drizzle) has double-parked.

DOUBLE PARKED? WHAT KIND OF FUCKTARD DOUBLE-PARKS WHEN IT’S FREEZING OUTSIDE? It’s a horribly inconsiderate thing to do anywhere, anytime, but especially in the only parking spots anywhere close to the building!

So I drive all the way to the opposite side of the building by the dumpsters to No Man’s Land Parking, where nobody ever parks unless hell freezes over because it’s not close to anything but the fence, and before I get out and limp my sorry self to my apartment, I grab a dry-cleaning coupon and write a note.

I’ve never done this before–although I’ve thought about it a billion times–but I’m just mad enough to do it.

I’m actually proud of myself for refraining from any profanity. I take solace in thick sarcasm. I write, “THANK YOU SO MUCH for taking up TWO PARKING SPACES! You ROCK! Nobody else needs to park here so I’m so glad you helped yourself to TWO parking spaces! Especially when the weather is so great and the holiday season is upon us! MERRY CHRISTMAS JACKASS!”

And I sign it with just a big huge smiling happy face.

And then I can’t resist adding, “P.S. For New Year’s you should resolve NOT TO BE AN ASSHOLE!”

I limp all the way from my car to his–such is my dedication to my cause, and anyway rage has a way of warming you–and gently lift one of his windshield wipers so that I can tuck it underneath.

I haven’t walked eight feet away before a short young guy in bare feet (bare feet?) walks up and removes the note. Like, where was this guy? Was he hiding in the shrubbery EXPECTING someone to write him a nasty note? Or was the double-parking not enough of a safety net? He stays up all night watching his car to make sure nobody fucks with it? Was he enjoying the balmy weather on his balcony? He doesn’t even have shoes on! What the fuck?

Incongruously, there’s also a tiny Yorkie following him. What kind of guy drives a big ol’ SUV and then keeps tiny Paris Hilton dogs as pets?

I freeze–out of surprise and curiosity to see what he’ll do–and watch him. He stands there reading the note without any expression at all, saying nothing.

I decide to brazen it out, so I say, “That’s right, go ahead and READ it, honey!” as snidely as I possibly can.

He does nothing. He acts as if I am not present, as if he didn’t hear a word I said. He doesn’t ever even look up. He just buries his head in that note til he reaches his apartment, him AND his little dog.

And here I was, red-faced with embarrassment for getting caught leaving an “anonymous” note, and yet equally furious and ready to argue with the guy.

And I get…nothing?? Nothing at all? No acknowledgment at ALL??? He completely IGNORES MY EXISTENCE?

The next day that car was gone, and I haven’t seen it since. (I don’t know many of my neighbors but I do recognize their cars, and he wasn’t a regular.)

Of all the scenarios I would have imagined in which someone gets busted leaving an anonymous note on someone’s car, this was so not it. I feel robbed. I feel cheated!

:smack:

2

I would have tossed the note wrapped around a brick through his windshield.

3

You could have gone over and kicked him in the shin in your high-heeled shoes. He might have noticed that.

4

You have a friend in this note: And a Happy New Year to you! | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

5

Also, feel free to peruse the gallery at youparklikeanasshole.com

On another note, I’m trying to understand what happened in the OP. I use “double parking” to indicate parking beside a car that’s already next to the curb. I assume the OP is talking about parking across two parking spaces. Are these clearly marked parking spaces? Or is it a question of the offending vehicle not fully pulling forward or backward into the space to leave enough room in the front or back? Or what?

6

Did I misuse the word “double parked?”

I thought it meant what this guy did…which was park squarely on top of the line between two clearly-marked parking spaces. Thus trying to ensure that nobody will park right next to him.

Am I wrong?

7

Usually when I see someone double-parked, it’s two spaces side-by-side (ie. the left wheels are in one space, the right wheels in another). Sometimes it’s done to try and prevent getting dented by someone opening a door, other times it looks like someone is driving a vehicle two sizes too big and they don’t know how to fit it into one space. The latter scenario is really frustrating, as it usually leaves a spot that is big enough to park in, but not leave you room to get out.

8

This is what I was wondering - was the lot snowy? I’ve had that happen to me before when there are no lines showing (due to snow) and people park all over the damn place. I’ve found a normal, reasonable spot before and parked, and then returned to my car a couple of hours later to find the surrounding cars changed. Sometimes it winds up looking like I was trying to take two spots and I’m sure people think I’m a huge douche.

Amazing what those little lines do, huh.

Anyway, if this was not the case in the OP, then HELL YA! DUDES a total ASSHOLE. Ahem. Maybe it wasn’t his car and he just wanted to see what you wrote - I agree, the hug car with the wee dog doesnt’ seem to match.

9

Double parking is rude, but I myself would likely ignore and do my best to avoid further contact from someone who took the time and effort to write a note and leave it on my car on a chilly New Year’s Eve, especially if they said, “go ahead and read it, honey!” Coming from a complete stranger, I would describe such behavior, in a word, as “psychotic.”

Ignoring you was really the only sensible option.

10

Isn’t that a tow-able offense?

11

To me, this is double parked.

What that guy did is still pretty much an asshole manoeuvre, but I don’t think he was double parked.

12

That’s exactly why I was wondering. Here, street parking is rarely marked, and when it is, if the conditions are crappy, you have no idea where the space really is, and what may have been a tight fit at one time will make you look like a dick a few hours later when various cars have gone in and out and done their parking jobs.

I’ve only heard double parking to refer to this. Wikipedia claims that what you’re describing is called multi-space parking: “Multi-space parking. While the term ‘double parking’ is often used to describe parking over the lines separating two designated parking spaces in a parking lot, this is not a correct use of the term.” I just say the person parked across two spaces when I’m describing the situation in the OP. This is not to say the term “double parking” is incorrect for this (even though Wikipedia claims it is); it’s just that around here we use that term to describe something else. Your regional dialect’s mileage may vary.

13

No, it wasn’t snowy…I live in South Texas, where snow is considered a miraculous rarity.

And I could’ve understood if the guy had meant to park in one spot and just kinda “slid over” into another spot…didn’t line up his car correctly with the lines and ended up with a few inches of his car in the neighboring spot.

This guy was quite squarely parked over the line separating the two spots. Lined up perfectly. The middle of the line emerged right from the middle of his vehicle. It was obviously intentional. If I’d thought of it I would’ve taken a picture; it was truly a picture-perfect case of double-parking…or as Wikipedia says, “multi-space parking.” Nobody parks like that accidentally.

14

So basically this? If it’s that obvious then, yeah, sounds like he’s an entitled prick.

15

That really is the only sensible response to people who aren’t making a lot of sense. I’m not saying that your anger was irrational, but at that point, there wasn’t anything that would have been said that would have made the situation better, if he didn’t think an apology was in order, and maybe he didn’t.

It sounds like you wanted a negative response. How would that have helped?

16

I’m not generally a fan of vandalizing other people’s property, but if you park like that in a busy lot, and someone keys your car, you deserve it.

17

Curses!! I wanted to post that!! Gaudere strikes again! ::shakes fist::

18

Did the coupon have your name or address printed on it?

19

There was a guy in my apartment complex who would do this. He’d park his car over the line, in two spaces, every single day. He drove a Mercedes E320. Apparently, he was too important to look at the lines and park between them.

He would park so close to my driver’s door that I couldn’t open it. I resorted to backing in. If I parked in the exact middle of my space, he would park over the line 3 nanometers from my car. If I parked all the way to the opposite side, he would park over the line, 3 nanometers from my car. If I parked all the way over near the line on his side, he parked 3 nanometers from my car.

Then he would proceed to whack my car with his passenger door. Every night he’d get home, and he’d get out and go around to the passenger side to collect his shit, and he’d hit my car.

I complained about it, took pictures of it, left notes on his apartment door and on his car. His response was ‘How can you tell? You drive a cheap piece of crap.’

My friends intially tried not to hit his car when opening the passenger side of mine, but after a while I figured… what the hell. I have pictures of him hitting my car. Let him call the cops. He moved out a couple months later. I don’t know where he went, and I don’t care. He’s not my problem anymore.

20

Psychotic, maybe, I don’t know…but in Texas, “gun-wielding” is a possibility. Yeah, I’d leave without escalating anything.