[…raucous laughter…]
Oh, Shoddy! I can’t remember the last time I shot a beater! And thank God. These days, it is difficult for wealthy men to get a fair day in court.
I’d be delighted to take a brandy, thanks.
Blast! I got lost in my living room again. Had to sack the whole staff for being so incompetent. At least they’ll be with their “families” for the holidays, just like they’ve been whining about.
It’s time they invented some sort of mechanized majordomo that doesn’t complain so much.
Somebody mention hunting? Spot on old boy! What’s the game…gardeners? Yalies? foreigners? people who rely on public transportation?
Public what? What is that you mean there?
Oh, what a bewilderment Lib! Tsk tsk!
I surely hope you scrubbed her down with iodine and bathed her in Epsom salts before you let her back in the house. I hear those nuveau barbers carry a malaise of the croup or the dread Black Plague. Oh, do burn her sheets before she returns.
Methinks this is just a phase of the young lady. Even slumming has its rewards. Why, when I was oft riding with the good Colonel’s 7th Cavalry, we would sometimes come through a small village or hamlet that simply reeked of the wretched plague. “Lieutenant, fetch me a cheesecloth and some cold cinders, on the double!” And to think, I freely wandered through these depressed areas - the locale of Bismarck in the Dacotah territories comes to mind. Thank goodness for my father’s vasts sums and good forethought to educate me. I learned the value of my upbringing, and of good society. . .
Tripler
Huzzah ol’ chap, this is just a phase she will soon grow weary of.
Dear Libertarian___,
Our most gracious felicitations on starting this thread. Every day, our foundation is invited to participate in dozens of Internet threads. Given our extensive obligations, we are sure you understand that it is not possible to give a personal reply even to those few threads which merit response. And this thread falls well below our expectations. However, we have a copy of your application on file in the big book in the hall.I am rather shocked and dismayed. But pleased. To find that I am the first in this thread to invoke the prose of my personal favorite author. Being Mr. J. P. Donleavy from The Unexpurgated Code. From the chapter on “Associating with the Bootless and Unhorsed”:
You have been warned. And enlightened.
Eat the Rich! Up the Revolution! Down with the Bourge–the Borguoi–the Bourgoise–the Bloodsuckers!
So sorry about that. It seems the pool man’s assistant got ahold of my laptop whilst I was in the Sauna. We’ve had him fed to the hounds, of course.
You have a daughter?
Oh, how frightfully common.
Oh my poor, dear Libertarian! I so feel your pain old chum. Why, once, in my younger and more unseasoned years, I fell for a [sub]shudder…[/sub] anaesthesiologist. Fortunately I came to my senses, right after Momsie and Daddykins called the financial institution to have my trust fund cut off, and settled down with one of my peers. 'Twas fun while it lasted, though. The anaesthesiologist was a gas! 
My dears, you do realize that the common masses are allowed to read these musings, do you not? It is quite one thing to laugh condescendingly at the rabble in private and quite another to do so publicly. Please accept this mild chastisement in the sense in which it is offered.
Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?
You mean the rabble are allowed in here? Do they house train each other?
Goodness heavens, do you mean to say the Great Unwashed and Unfunded are here posting - using the same electrons as the better sort?
How positively beastly. I feel soiled.
Have one of Daddums’ jets made ready - I feel the need of a rest at the Riviera. And get rid of the Bentley - the ashtray is full, so we need a new one.
I spoke with Mater about your problem, Lib old bean. She was beside herself - I haven’t heard such language from her since she caught the second under-gardener diddling himself into the plum pudding Christmas before last. Anyway, she suggests distracting the silly baggage with some bauble or other - a mink T-shirt, new shoes, a complete set of undocumented aliens for exploitation - something to get her back to herself. Give it a try - it worked with Muffy when she broke off her engagement to run away with the curate’s secretary.
Toodles.
Shodan
Why, thank you, Shoddy.
Fortunately, the problem has been solved. I offered the tooth puller a fair sum to leave my daughter alone, and began to write the check. He pretended to be insulted, but I added zeros until he softened and saw things my way. Walsh, senior partner of Walsh, Wigget, Winselm, and Wittgenstein has assured me that the paper he signed will strip him of every material possession that he has and will ever have should he decide to change his mind.
Had to read this three times to convince myself it didn’t say
“However, we have a copy of your application on file in the big book in hell.”
I must learn to read posts correctly. Especially Emily.
Peasant.
I have a boy to do that for me.
Regards,
Shodan
Oh no, but Buffy! I was so looking forward to going! I had my dress all made by the most wonderful designer of the season.
It’s off anyway though, he dumped me for a… oh my it’s too horrible to say… Alright he dumped me for his assistant and went to Cancun. I think mumsy bribed him but I thought it was true love. He said it wasn’t about my trust fund at all.
I suppose I should tell mumsy that I have learned the error of my ways. Thank goodness I never actually slept with the man.
It must be some of that riff-raff that someone said was trespassing. It’s almost enough to cause me to rise out of my chair.
You mean you only have one serf separating your esteemed personage from the drudgery of manual labour? Pah! My boy has a veritable phalanx of aides and assistants to do his bidding, and some of them even have boys too. Come to think of it, my boy doesn’t really do anything much except shoot at farmhands from the West turret of my estate. I think a good horsewhipping is in order to remind him of his place.
Care to join me for a glass or two of the 1784 Chateux Jouet and watch?
Brigadier Benjamin Hickson Smythe IV esq.