So my over-educated (but stupid) know-it-all unemployed sister-in-law is here with her two little snatches. My father-in-law (who’s very cool) is also here. My wife hasn’t seen her father in a few years and wanted him to come up, the only problem is that it’s a package deal. So, no SIL and crotchfruit, no FIL. This is of course because of SIL’s manipulation of FIL.
So here they are, sitting their fat asses on my couch eating food we bought (without a thank you) and changing my TV channel. They came in and made themselves RIGHT at fucking home, without any real invitation to do so. I keep my mouth shut because I’m not interested in making things at all difficult for my wife and her visit with her father. But damn, this pig and her two little untrained animals have already felt the wrath twice of my angel-hearted wife due to their sass and lack of etiquette training. The sister is a bloviating toolbox who goes on and on and on about her degrees (BA and MA in art fucking history) and about how smart she is. I’m not even lying. She pontificates on subjects such as contract law, mathematics, computer programming, automatic transmissions, magic, libraries, politics, potatoes, silk, German Shepherds, hockey, Arabic, spaghetti, frisbee golf, mowing the grass, astronomy, fingernail-clipping, the stock market, Alcatraz, The Volkswagen Beetle, Ponce de Leon, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Steve Fucking Martin. So far. Wait. She’s spewing again. Ah, sewing. There’s an important thing I should mention here: she’s wrong 100% of the time. I’m serious. SHE IS NEVER RIGHT. She makes shit up as she goes on. We had a brief debate on what “terminal velocity” is and what the maximum is of a human. This came from one of her bullshit stories where she was skydiving and was falling to the earth at 400 miles per hour. I said, “400? That seems fast…” Her: “The instructor gave us speedometers so we’d be able to see how fast we were going on our way down.” I just said, “That’s funny, because the terminal velocity of the average human is 120 MPH.” and off she went with the “lesson.” I just tuned her out.
She has 2 kids from two different fathers (one is an ex-convict charged with feeling up little boys) and the other comes from a family with 4 teeth. She’s 31 and has held her longest job for example 2 months. Oh yeah, she married a 21 year old pizza cook (Chuck E Cheese) with whom she’s expecting another nugget of evil. Oh yeah part 2, that marriage will soon end in divorce because the pimply-faced 21 year old crack addict, in addition to knocking her up, knocked her around a little bit too.
So now she’s here until Tuesday. She’s now giving a soliloquy on Fucking Sanford and Son. Two minutes ago she was arguing with her 12 year old on something about an X-Men comic book. I hate this woman.
So because I’m keeping my mouth shut and bitching her, do I get my Husband of the Year Award now or later?
