I’m sure someone else has mentioned this already, but if you’re successful getting yourself to exercise some, you could ramp up your activity level and maybe balance out the calories you take in without changing your diet. Might not be feasible, depending on your daily diet, but maybe you’d be more successful doing that if you can’t make yourself limit your food intake. And if you need motivation, you could become an aerobic instructor or something part time. Lots of exercise, and you get paid for it!
What other people think, or approve of, or get tired of are not valid reasons for doing or not doing anything.
A lot of people who overeat are much more susceptible to external eating cues. One of the strongest cues, one of the hardest to resist, is eating to please other people. Aunt Sally’s cake that she made just for you, the BBQ ribs that everyone else is enjoying and can’t understand why you won’t eat “just one”, the people who proclaim you’re no fun anymore because you don’t eat the way you used to, the ones who tell you that your eating plan is all wrong, the spouse who starts to get nervous when you lose weight and begins to try to tempt you with treats, the people who will not stop pressuring you to eat something no matter how many times you say “no thank you.” And on and on and on.
Not getting the surgery so that you won’t bore other people is the worst reason ever.
If you’re one of those Europeans who walks everywhere, you’re probably used to it. That means you’ll have to ramp up your exercise to get the same results as an American couch potato hauling a huge ass off the couch. When we did Couch to 5K, a lot of people were all pissed that me and a few others were losing a lot of weight - that’s probably because we were the ones who were going from an absolutely sedentery lifestyle to a lot of exercise, I always figured. “Walking a lot” isn’t enough if it clearly doesn’t take the fat off you.
(Ever consider Couch to 5K? S’awesome.)
ETA - and I know it was more than 20 years ago, and things are different, and this guy was HUGE - but I just found out that my dad’s old boss, who died when I was 3 and I always thought it was a heart attack because that’s the way they explained it to me (my dad had had a heart attack when I was even littler) actually died of complications from gastric bypass surgery. Wouldn’t have worked anyway, I bet - BC loved food. He used to balance me on his belly when I was a toddler and eat a whole jar of peanuts and wash it down with a two liter diet coke.
Yes, exactly - my husband walks several miles a day, carrying a heavy mail bag while doing it, and could still stand to lose 40 lbs or so. When he injured himself on the job and was laid up for a while, he really went up over his current weight. He’s at his “maintenance” level of exercise, which means that maintains him at his overweight status. (We’re both working hard now on a healthier diet.)
The daughter of a friend of mine had weight loss surgery - she was much larger than you (350 when she had the surgery I think) and lost a LOT of weight - half. She was still sort of big, but kind of ‘curvy lady’ big as opposed to ‘difficulty walking and fitting through doors’ big.
She was smaller for about a year and then her weight started to creep back up. She gradually started eating bigger and bigger portions until she was bigger than before she had surgery. Then she died. As a direct complication of the surgery. She was 38 and died as big as ever.
So, I don’t know if you should have the surgery and I wouldn’t dream of telling you what to do; however, I think that you could probably lose weight in a less drastic way that wouldn’t have such lasting impressions on your health. My best friend lost 80 lbs on Weight Watchers and has kept it off for years. She eats whatever she wants - she just limits the portion size. You could continue to have your home cooked meals and snacks - just smaller amounts of them.
Anyway - if what you said is true - you could try something like WW and see how you do. If you’re correct and lose weight and then gain it all back plus more, you can have the surgery then, right? If you lose the weight and don’t gain it back - well then you have $5,000 for a whole new smaller wardrobe. 
All right, I’ve known three people who had gastric bypasses. They had diarrhea, with urgency. Two of them also had really obnoxious flatulence. They were smelly to be around.
Two out of three of them did not eat the way they were supposed to, and complained that the bypass was supposed to FORCE them to eat that way, and didn’t.
They did all lose weight. One gained some back, and although she no longer weighs 400+ pounds, she’s once again pretty hefty. One of them died.
It sounds like you want people to talk you out of it, so: don’t do it. I realize it’s very frustrating to lose weight the old-fashioned way, so here, for what it’s worth, is my advice: The two people I know who were overweight are no longer are both used Weight Watchers. They have both been slender for years. (Five years for one, 8 years for the other.) But somehow, WW changed their outlook.
I’m on a bike about 45 to 60 minutes a day, getting to and from work, daycare, getting groceries. And recently (for over a month now) I’ve started a couch-to-5 K- lite running program.
But the other posters are right. The biking and walking I do is just maintenance, base-line. Maybe the running will do more. And I have to keep that up anyway, even if (especially if) I decide to do surgery. Which, frankly, you all are beginning to start to talk me out of.
I’ll look into the forums at 3FC and Obesityhelp.com. Untill now, when I looked there I didn’t find much there; just a lot of threads from newbies blurting out the same Frequently Asked Questions without getting much answers. There is just not much factual info on the web. The info is either anecdotical form people who did it (and I have to wonder how biased that is; would anyone who suffers one embarassing digestive problem after another put up his/her story on the web for all to see?). Or the info is from websites selling WLS. So far, the best source of info I found is the book “Weight loss surgery for dummies” I mentioned in the OP (which is very good); and the articles at PubMed.org. But even those probably are biased: few docs will admit how a procedure done at their hospital had disastrous outcomes. Besides, behind a doc calling a patient free of “complications” might very well be a patient with smelly farts all day and an elbow-length list of dietary restrictions. Who has to inject himself dayly. Aargh!
Hilarity, If you can tell me any more about this, I’m very interested, because this effect right there (being forced in to portion control) was what I counted on most as a result from surgery. What eating problems did the people you know have? How did they eat “not right?” Sipping milkshakes all day, sucking on candy?
Not really. I have a therapist I can talk at, which isn’t the same thing
But I might have to look into finding a support group of people who are planning to undergo surgery. That is something I could do.
That’s very true. Point taken. But I was thinking more about if the OP is strongly connected with other people, then their perception of her and her new “issues” might matter to her. If all her friends are regular “let’s go out to eat and have fun!” types, then she might feel left out if all she can eat is a small salad and half a glass of water. In return, her friends might not invite her to every shindig. People can be mean and insensitive like that.
In the OP’s case, this is elective surgery. People close to her will know she’s taking the “easy” way out. There will be silent and expressed judgements from those who just don’t or won’t understand. This will be one thing amongst others that she will have to deal with, and that she won’t have to deal with if she just changes her lifestyle (though as you say, there will be people who will impede her with that as well).
Sounds like you don’t have the right therapist to me! If all you’re doing is talking “at” this person, then something’s not right. In my appointments, she does about half the talking, giving me feedback on what she’s heard and, you know, counseling on how to change it/make it better/accept it, as the case may be.
I know that’s not true for either of those sites, esp. for 3FC. So either you didn’t look very closely or chose to ignore what was there. Given your responses as this thread has gone on, I’m starting to think that you’re looking for some magic answer or information to jump up and bite you in the face, both in terms of the WLS and the non-WLS approach. That’s not the way it’s going to work.
As I said earlier, on 3FC READ THE STICKIES in the WLS forum. Spend some time reading posts in the forum, going back further than the first page. Then, put up a post with your questions that aren’t already answered by the stickies. Sure, a lot of newbies may chime in, but one or two of the vets should come along and give you some answers, as far as answers may be had.
Also, I still encourage you to visit the Maintainer’s forum and at least read the stickies there.
Note: Keep in mind that while any of these results may be more typical, getting -all- of them (like I did) isn’t.
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I can’t eat refined sugar or honey. I have to make sure everything I eat has no greater than very, -very- small ammounts (It’s darn near impossible to find a steady supply of food with none, but my rule of thumb tends to be if sugar, high fructose corn syrup, or honey is one of the first three ingredients on the list, I can’t eat it.) If I violate this, I pay for it with sharp headaches, intense nausea, and ice-cold sweats (yes, all at the same time).
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My body doesn’t absorb iron as well as it should. I have to stay on a supplement or I become quite anemic.
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The fun one. One of the surgical scars didn’t quite heal right, so over the space of a couple of years, it started tearing and developed into a bleeding ulcer. Seriously, you do -not- want one of those.
So, besides my aforementioned ‘because of bad psychology it didn’t work anyway’, I got hammered by side-effects. Of course, YMMV.
Why don’t you take the $5,000 you have saved up and sign up with a personal trainer for a couple years? You WILL lose the weight, and you will come out of it a healthy person without dietary restrictions. You’ll also have the benefit of regular (real) exercise becoming part of your daily life.
Honestly, the fact that you started a thread titled ‘Talk me out of…’ should be all the reason you need not to have this surgery.
I think you underestimate the cost of personal training Around here they wanted $1200 for about 6 weeks of regular visits.
I already tried that. My gym offered a discount on the first few sessions, to try it out. Didn’t work. I had an exercise routine, and all he did was say I should do better. And in my OP I asked for arguments to talk me out if it, because I was so intent on having the surgery, and I know that in such a state of mind I’m less likely to think rationally of drawbacks, so I need to have people explicitly naming the disadvantages.
Candy, junk food, alcoholic beverages, 2-liter bottles of Pepsi, ice cream, cheesecake, cookies, potato chips.
One of them had a tendency to eat everything on her plate, very fast. Then if there was anything left on yours she’d ask if you were gonna eat that, and if you said no, she would take it.
After surgery: She slowed down. Meal interrupted for potty break. But she still eats it all. So…she doesn’t gulp it down any more, but she still wants to eat it, and she does eat it. Slower, but steady. The Pepsi “settles her stomach” which growls audibly (I mean to other people of course–people across the table, or even across the room) all the time.
This is the mindset that has to change.
(1) *It didn’t work. * No, IT didn’t do anything. You didn’t do what was necessary to make it work.
(2) all he did was say I should do better. Then he was a crap trainer and you should have dropped his ass and found another one.
Again, this isn’t really about discipline or willpower or finding that magical situation where everything happens effortlessly. Don’t get me wrong, losing weight is damn hard work no matter how you go about it. The work, though, has mostly to do with your self-talk and recognizing how the existing thought and logistical patterns in your life lead you to do things that make you overweight. One of the hardest things to overcome is “all or nothing thinking.” This is what leads you to try one thing, and if it doesn’t work perfectly from the outset, you quit because “obviously it’s hopeless.” And, you may try another thing some other time, but again if it doesn’t work the way you think it should, it’s given up. This is also the mindset that tells you that if you overeat for lunch, you might as well continue to overeat all day. And hell, you’ve blown the week, so you’ll start again on Monday. Etc. Part of the battle of rebuilding my life into a healthy one was constantly being alert for those old voices and countering with new replies. It’s also the mindset that allows you to stop at a brick wall rather than encouraging you to find a way around or over it. When something doesn’t work you have to analyze it, figure out WHY it didn’t work, then try another way.
None of this is going to change after you’ve had the surgery. NONE OF IT WILL CHANGE AFTER YOU’VE HAD THE SURGERY. Again, that’s not to say that the surgery should be off the table for you permanently, but to me you’ve pretty amply demonstrated that you are in no way ready for the surgery in a way that will make it successful.
I recommended one book earlier which you didn’t indicate you’d look into, so I’ll recommend a few more that I think will be helpful but, honestly, which I think you’ll probably ignore.
Fattitudes: Beat Self-Defeat and Win Your War with Weight
The Thin Books – this was the book that, along with the Thin for Life, really opened my eyes about how my mindset had been sabotaging me all my life, and how to talk back to those voices. I didn’t follow the specific diet laid out in this book – the author is a vegetarian – but it was the mental stuff that helped me.
You don’t need the kind of personal trainer that gyms give discounts on. I’ve had that kind of personal trainer. They can semi-competently train you on weight machines, but that’s about it. They are doing discounted work for a gym because they are trying to build up clients. You need one with successful, satisfied clients. Interview a few until you find one that you relate to, and consider a woman. The young guys who are often personal trainers in gyms have metabolisms quite unlike that of a 40 year old woman. Must be nice to be able to add muscle mass like that!
Maastricht, for some bizarre reason I thought you were a tall, thin man. Go figure.