Sorry.
UU = Unitarian Universalist
OWL = our whole lives = sorta sex ed.
And seeing how UUs welcome just about everyone, they present a pretty comprehensive, nonjudgmental, and graphic curriculum of your various and varied options.
Dinsdale, my wife and I are expecting and I’m hoping for a girl so we can complete the set. One thing I’m not looking forward to, however, is being in your position fifteen years from now. Good luck.
How about, when the time is right, saying, “We’re supposed to talk about drugs and stuff. Do you have any questions?”
But is this the truth? Or is she just telling them what she thinks she should?
My parents were incredible straight arrows who thought that drugs would, like, turn you into Charles Manson, about five minutes before you OD’d and, like, spontaneously combusted or ran screaming into the street, looking for a twenty story building to fling yourself off of.
My school rammed a lot of bizarre antidrug propaganda down my throat. The Diane Linkletter story was still popular around that time, as were various weirdo psychedelic movies that ended with a big party where someone would leap from a high place and die, or perhaps just suffer irreversible brain damage, or whatever.
Mostly, I was convinced that my elders didn’t know diddly about what they were talking about, and if it was so bad, why did so many people seem to like it? Besides, there was that movie, “Animal House”, that made college seem like a blast…
So I went off to college and drank lots of booze and did lots of drugs and had a fine time, and accumulated lots of really funny and bizarre stories.
I made lots of stupid mistakes that could have ruined my entire life if I’d gotten caught. I thought I was smart, but after one close call in particular, I realized I’d just been LUCKY, that’s all. You can’t count on being lucky. Ever.
I also developed an addiction to amphetamines; they were extremely handy for purposes of being alert and awake for classes, but still having lots of time to party. Breaking that addiction was the second hardest thing I have ever done (quitting smoking being number one).
Y’know what? It’s SCARY AS ALL HELL to wake up one day and realize that YOU NEED A DRUG to get through the day… that you will SIMPLY NOT BE ABLE TO FUNCTION NORMALLY unless you obtain and use this certain chemical substance! I was under the delusion that I could give up speed any time I liked. Surprise!
Don’t get me wrong. I personally think that most EVERYONE should get good and bombed at least once in their lives. It’s an experience. It gives you some perspective. It also lets you know what the morning after is like.
I also think most people should smoke a joint at least once, for that same reason. I don’t smoke dope now – it’s kind of pathetic to be a dope fiend at my age, and it IS illegal – but I personally don’t think I’d have much of a leg to stand on if I had no experience with the stuff, but was telling my child “don’t do this stuff, it’s bad, it’s evil.”
On the flip side, there’s always this argument: “Well, marijuana is pretty much harmless, as long as you don’t smoke it all the time, or operate a car or heavy machinery while stoned. On the other hand, it’s illegal, and once you get busted with a drug conviction, there are a zillion jobs out there that won’t even LOOK at your application, and you think you’re too smart to get caught? Think about it. You buy dope from OTHER PEOPLE. All ONE GUY has to do to get the cops to drop the charges is COUGH UP SOME NAMES, and yours could be one of them, simply because you’ve gotta be part of the network if you ever expect to get any dope. Think about that.”
What did I do when my kid asked me? I told her the truth. More than she wanted to know, in fact. We had a good laugh over the funny stories, but I made sure to tell her the parts that weren’t funny, as well. It helped that she got to WATCH me quit smoking, so she could imagine what quitting speed must have been like for a much younger me.
She doesn’t do drugs.
I feel the same way. My kids and I talked extensively about the consequences of drug and alcohol use as they were growing up and I never felt that I had to spill my guts about my own use to do this effectively. There were plenty of examples to point to in our own town, neighborhood and schools. They got the point. AFAIK neither of them have used drugs (I know the older one drinks moderately, but he is of age).
BTW Dinsdale, if it’s any comfort, through all the conversations we had, neither of my kids ever asked me!
I am a sober alcoholic who attends 12 step meetings, so it’s not like the kids won’t know! Some of my story is very shocking and embarrassing, and I think I will err on the side of discretion with my kids.
But I won’t lie. Have I done (insert drug of choice here)? Yes. What happened? Brace yourselves, boys. But seriously, the one thing I will guarantee you is this- kids know when you’re lying. Yes, they do. Every time. So don’t.
I have given lots of talks to kids in high school about drugs and alcohol, and guess what? That’s probably too late, by a long shot. Talking to junior high kids is much more effective, but no parent of an 11 or 12 year old wants to think that Susie or Johnny could even know what drugs and sex ARE, let alone have already tried one or more.
I first got high at age 12. I got it from my best friend’s dad. I successfully hid alcoholism and drug addiction all through high school and college. I know it can be done.
My parents were horrified when the whole truth came out much later. They never really worried about “the talks” because I had such a good head on my shoulders.
I’m abouts the target age. IMHO, you should tell the truth; no one likes it when their father bullshits them. Tell them what Bullwink shared, and what a world of shit their life will be in if The Authority catches them and how easy it is for that to happen. Also tell them what a world they’re going to be in if YOU catch them.
I never touched drugs, I’m trying to remember why. Actually, in junior high/high school I just didn’t know anybody who did them and I was so busy that I really didn’t think about it much. I think maybe if I were a more bored kid, I would have considered it. Then in high school and college, I never touched drugs because I know I can lose my loans and grants for school if I get caught.
I am impressed. The thought of getting caught barely came onto my radar. After all, I was bullet-proof, just like all teenagers.
I wasn’t bored or faced with a lack of activities. They were there, so I took them. I smoked too, but I think now that I started because I thought it was cool! Hey, at least I admit it! Of course, once it became uncool, I found out I couldn’t stop, ha ha. 10 years without a cigarette and counting, and I still miss it the most.
Tell them the truth. Show them what pitiful fucking jokes formerly `creative’ people became. Robert Downey, Jr., and Ozzy Osbourne should be pretty convincing. They do have choices, and they know they do. Give them the reason to make those choices correctly.
But above all keep them away from Government propaganda. The ONDCP is not good at its job. Want to make a pothead laugh? Ok, not hard. Bad example. But the fact remains that nothing gets the knowledgeable laughing faster than an ONDCP commercial.
“What’s this about Giverment commercials being stupid?”
“It’s a fact.”
“Really, now? Don’t you have any proof?”
“It’s a fact.”
SPLORT!
So last Wed, while driving her to piano lesson, I figured I’d bring it up. Just said “Ask me if any questions. I was wondering if the school explained that different drugs were different, or if they still treated cigs, beer, hard liquor, pot, ecstacy, coke, and heroin as equally bad.” She said they presented it as what each substance would do to you.
I said all substances were illegal for her right now - including cigs, and that the criminal repercussions for other drugs would be worse in terms of future school/jobs.
And told her I wanted to make sure she understood that not all substances were instantly addictive and equally harmful. For example, when she has a beer or glass of wine some day and doesn’t drop dead, I want to make sure she isn’t stupid enough to take that as license to start shooting heroin. She said “Of course.”
And I said if she had any questions about specific drugs, tobacco, or alcohol, to ask me and mom and we might have some knowledge or experience. She said “sure, she would.”
And that was that.
Then on Friday, she went to the mall with a friend, and blew $100 on presents for her friends.
Fer crying out loud! We covered sex and drugs. Now we have to confront fiscal responsibility? Ya just don’t see the next crisis coming, but you can rest assured that there WILL be a next crisis. Sheesh! I shoulda stuck with dogs.
At least she didn’t blow the $100 on drugs right after the talk.
Mmmm, drugs…