I’m sure this has been discussed many times before - I guess I should have checked out the “Threads you are sick of” thread.
But I was wondering what thoughts any of you had about talking to your kids about drugs.
My oldest is in high school, and they are going through a Health class section on drugs. And they really exaggerate stuff to - I suspect - discourage the kids from partaking. And the Robert Young part of me wants to just nod and say, **“That’s right, honey. Drugs are evil. One toke on the demon weed and you’ve booked a one way ticket to hell.”[//b]
Whereas the other part of me - the part of me that has always been honest in responding to any question my kids have ever asked me - wants to say, "Well, you know that’s bullshit. I remember when I was constantly high for a 3 year period. Well - I don’t really remember much of it, but I turned out okay. You gonna eat all them Cheetos?"
It kinda bothers me that the school does not seem to distinguish between various drugs. Cigarettes are the same as alcohol is the same as pot is the same as acid, coke, or heroin. I place a high value on my kids getting accurate info - and IMO&E - the all drugs are EVIL in any amount, just ain’t true.
For the time being, I’m kinda just biding my time, thankful of the fact that my kids have never directly asked me whether I ever used any illegal drugs. But I’m wondering what I’ll say when and if they do.
I try to suggest moderation and responsibility in most if not all things. And to be honest - I would probably prefer that they not do quite as many drugs for quite as long as I did. So one alternative would be to hold myself up as an example "Learn from my mistake."
Right now I’m leaning towards the, "Well yes, I tried pot, but not much, and didn’t really like it, hem haw…"
My kids are much younger than yours, but we have the same conversation. I’ve never used drugs at all - been too messed up with depression and too bright to mix Prozac and pot (much less the harder stuff). But my husband has - and many of our friends still do.
I lean the same way you do - mitigated honesty. “I’d perfer you not use drugs at all, but…” “Know yourself before using drugs.” “Don’t use any drugs in an unsafe place.” “All drugs are not created equal.”
Almost the same as the sex speech I have mapped out.
Remember the “times were a little different when I was younger” excuse. They were. We didn’t have to pee in a cup to get a job at Target. I remember when, long after I graduated, they started busting student atheletes for drugs and alcohol - and it was after I left high school (or at least you had to be pretty indiscrete to get busted when I was in high school).
I don’t have an answer for you but will be facing the same situation in about 10 years. Truth be told, I think a lot about it now and what I’m going to say. My wife does not have much to answer for, but I will have to answer in the affirmative (if I tell the truth) when questioned about drugs, jail, sex, and all of that other stupid crap that we did but don’t want our kids to do.
I’m hoping that some brilliant poster here will provide some great insight and direction which I will carry with me and eventually provide to my children who will then, upon hearing this advice, continously make rational, adult decisions only after weighing all of the pros and cons of a particular situation as well as carefully considering all possible consequences.
Honesty is the best bet. I know if I wasn’t exposed to all of the anti-drug propaganda growing up they wouldn’t have been nearly as enticing. Just give themthe straight facts and possibly criminal consequences of doing drugs. Don’t lace it withall the evil bullshit nor heresay. Just be honest to them with drugs.
Subliminal message brought to you by the letter Q.
When I was in elementary school (then again in middle school), I was subjected to all sorts of myths that seemed to put marijuana on par with cocaine and heroin. A little less dangerous, maybe, but even if it is, it’ll just lead to heroin anyway, so what’s the difference?
Then high school started and I saw many people who smoked pot, apparently with no ill effects. I started, and soon after, one of the very few people I knew who used hard drugs offered to score some coke for me. I enthusiastically agreed, figuring the dangers of coke had probably been misrepresented like those of pot.
Luckily, the coke never came through. I wasn’t offered it again until over a year later, and by that time, I had a blazing 14.4kb/s connection to the internet, so I’d already researched every drug I could think of. In my reading, of course, I found out that coke was really bad news, and haven’t touched it to this day.
Why couldn’t they have just told me the truth in the first place? I don’t expect every kid to go research this stuff online, and I think that those who can’t be bothered to do so need a bit of remedial drug education from their parents to set them straight.
Even if you are deciding to tell the truth, there is always the decision of which truth.
For example, I could say Pot isn’t addictive and certainly isn’t as evil as shooting up heroin - which is true - while not telling my kid ** yeah - I went through most of high school, college, and law school pretty constantly high, and turned out okay, dontcha think?** - also (IMO) true.
If I went the latter route, I’d try to emphasize the “moderation” angle, and emphasize that looking back at it, I wish I had taken advantage of the opportunity to do other things while in college, instead of simply getting shitfaced just about every night.
The main things I want to get across are:
-try to do your best not to fuck up your health
-try to avoid legal hassles
-try not to develop a habit that will be hard to break later on
-try to avoid something that will discourage you from experiencing other things.
And, as others of you suggest, there is the element of differing oppinions between me and the missus. Tho she used some in the past - far less than me. She is now far more critical than I of substance use. Whereas I will still gladly accept a hit on the golf course.
All right. Which one of you is Bogarting the kid owner’s manual and instruction booklet? I could use a look at it.
Well, I’ve never used any illegal drugs, but I smoke and I drink. Both of my kids take health classes that tell them the dangers of drugs(smoking) and alcohol and my son takes an additional class on illegal drugs.
I’ve got a friend who used to be a drug user, when her kids are older she plans to tell them that, yes, she used drugs, but it was a bad decision and she wishes she hadn’t.
I’ll tell you what you shouldn’t do. You shouldn’t be so afraid to talk to them about drugs that you instead turn to an actor from Motivation Corp who then tells your kid he’s him (the kid) from the future and that drugs have messed up his life. Because, in the words of little Butters, “That’s like lying!”
Hehe. No, seriously, you should show them that episode of “South Park.” It really sums up the cohesive points of this thread, plus you get to see older Eric Cartman and Professor Chaos.
I am not a parent. I think you should be honest with your kids about drugs. I think you should tell them that drugs make you feel good. Remind them that this feeling comes at a huge price. Discuss the harmful effects of drug use but be honest about some of the angles of “being high”. I think if you fail to mention this, a first time user may discredit some of the other important truths you stated.
If your kid asked you if you have used, tell them the truth, but remind them that this discussion is about them and the choices they need to make about drug use. I would not tell them that I was a big stoner and I survived. I would say something like, “I have made many mistakes in my life and I am not proud of it. I used pot, or whatever, but I realize that it was a huge mistake. I understand that you may be tempted to use and here are some things you can do that will help you when that temptation comes.”
I think it is a good idea to explain to kids that some people are more apt to get hooked than others. If I had alcoholism in my family,… and I do… I would just flat out tell them… you may be at greater risk. ymmv
I think parents should talk to kids about this frequently. Also, look for signals that your kid could be using. Remember… any kid can use. I deal with too many parents that are in total denial about this. I think the best thing a parent can do is make the family life good. If your kid develops a habit, a good family life can help recovery work. Unfortunately, this isn’t always true.
My oldest is only four so it’s still theoretical for me, but here’s the theory I’m currently using:
There’s no one magical thing I can say or do that will influence my childrens behavior. I influence them by the thousands of little things I do and say each day. If my children have learned that I don’t always tell them the truth, what good will it do for me to give them an ultimatum on a specific subject?
Another thought: The only time my dear father gave me what might be called a “drug talk” he said this; “You know that until you turn eighteen, I’m legally responsible for you. I’m supposed to know where you are and what you’re doing at all times.”
He always gave me the car keys so I could go out on Friday night and I did a lot of partying and stuff, but I always remembered what he’d said and tried to call and tell him where I was each time. Maybe an ounce of responsibility makes for a pound of prevention…
I’m always amazed that people forget what it was like to be a ‘kid’.
Would you have listened to someone saying something was the be all and end all of evil substances? I sure as hell didn’t. Especially when you can see people smoking pot just about anywhere you look (even on TV and movies :eek:) without dying a horrible, nasty death.
Your children will remember you drinking at parties (even if <ahem> you can’t ), and they’ll scoff at the dire threats.
But there is one piece of advice you can give them that nobody is likely to tell them.
Drugs may be safe, but there’s no way you can know what you are actually using. Drug dealers aren’t pharmacists with quality controls. That pill of ecstasy your son just bought may be ecstasy-- or laced with PCP, or baking soda and aspirin. The person your son bought it from (or who hands it to them at a party) may be his best friend in the whole wide world who would never lie to him, but the guy he got it from could be lying through his teeth to get rid of some stock that won’t sell.
“Kids” are not stupid. They’re bright, intelligent, and more thoughtful than adults remember. They’re just prone to making bad judgement calls.
I’m always amazed that people forget what it was like to be a ‘kid’.
Would you have listened to someone saying something was the be all and end all of evil substances? I sure as hell didn’t. Especially when you can see people smoking pot just about anywhere you look (even on TV and movies :eek:) without dying a horrible, nasty death.
Your children will remember you drinking at parties (even if <ahem> you can’t ), and they’ll scoff at the dire threats.
But there is one piece of advice you can give them that nobody is likely to tell them.
Drugs may be safe, but there’s no way you can know what you are actually using. Drug dealers aren’t pharmacists with quality controls. That pill of ecstasy your son just bought may be ecstasy-- or laced with PCP, or baking soda and aspirin. The person your son bought it from (or who hands it to them at a party) may be his best friend in the whole wide world who would never lie to him, but the guy he got it from could be lying through his teeth to get rid of some stock that won’t sell.
“Kids” are not stupid. They’re bright, intelligent, and more thoughtful than adults remember. They’re just prone to making bad judgement calls.
We talked about drugs in the high school sunday school class I teach a few weeks ago. I was more than honest about what effects the different drugs have on a person, and I shared my opinions that our country’s “War on Drugs” isn’t working, and a lot of policies need to change (Hey, I actually used my Criminology degree for a morning).
The kids concluded that anything that can destroy the bodies God has given us is immoral. They also conlcluded that even if marijuana is harmless overall, it still distracts people from their paths as Christians, and is off limits as well. (note: I’m talking about personal decisions my students are making here, I don’t mean to put anyone down or start a debate about the morality of drugs)
neutron star makes one of the best points in this thread. Little good will come from lying.
I strongly vote for telling the truth. Misinformation is a gateway drug. I’ve witnessed stories very similar to those of neutron_star – I knew several people in college who did a lot of experimenting once they realized that most everything they’d ever been told about marijuana was bullshit. So, if they’re being lied to about pot, who’s to say they’re not being lied to about other things? Better to just get the story firsthand…
I would emphasize how much more dangerous the physically addictive substances are, including tobacco. Make sure they understand that while alcohol and pot may be much safer, relative to other drugs, they still can have downsides. Encourage them to wait until they’re older, or barring that, to be cautious in their use. Promise to pick them up at any time or place, day or night, if they can’t get a sober ride home, without any consequences. (And follow through on that last part, even if you get surprised by what they’re doing.)
Arm them with information and support and they’re a lot more likely to make good choices and not get hurt.
Couple of thoughts. While I intend to be honest about my impression of the relative impact and risks of various substances, I’m not at all sure I need to be completely open with my kids on the extent of my past experience. That is - if they have the nerve to ask! Same way I can choose to answer any questions they might have about sex, without wanting to go into detail about my past sexual history or present sexual preferences.
And that kinda gets to another wrinkle - how much do you volunteer, as opposed to waiting to be asked?
Right now, at 15, my kid seems pretty open to talking with me about all kinds of topics. At the same time, she seems to be - I don’t know - a slow developer? At least if you believe much of what you see in the media. She’s gone on dates, but doesn’t have a boyfriend, and is curious to be kissed romantically. And She presently has no desire to smoke, drink, or do any drugs. As a dad, it’s kinda hard to say, Well, you know a little petting isn’t all that bad. And stick to beer and pot, rather than pills.
You hear so much about kids having sex and becoming alcoholics in middle school, it is nice to have my kid be on the “prudish” end of the spectrum. Not sure I want to risk changing that, merely for the sake of full disclosure.
You have to initiate the conversation. Asap. She needs the facts before she is confronted with the opportunity to take drugs or have sex, not after. The conversation will be awkward, and she will probably hate it, but she’ll still take away the facts, which is your main goal.
I would just frame the discussion along the lines of: “Hey, you may already know all this stuff, but it’s my job as a parent to make sure there aren’t any factual gaps in your knowledge, so you can make good decisions. I hope this isn’t too awful, and to make it better, you can ask me embarassing personal questions and I promise I’ll answer honestly.”
Forgot to mention: as for the sex conversation, you don’t need to give her opinions on what she should or shouldn’t be doing, or what you did or didn’t do at her age. What she needs to know:
Any unprotected intercourse can cause pregancy. (It’s amazing how many teens don’t know this.) Make sure she knows about different birth control options, and how she can get them, without your knowledge if she’s embarrassed. If there’s a Planned Parenthood in your area, make sure she knows she can get birth control there for little or no charge.
What sex acts can give you STDs or AIDs and which ones can’t. This one will be hard, but it’s another common gap in teen knowledge. Oral sex: can transmit STDs. Petting can’t.
Emphasize that she should always be deciding when to do what, and that no guy ever has any right to expect anything she doesn’t want to do. Make sure she knows to say “no” clearly and loudly if he persists. And that you’ll track him down and castrate him if he persists beyond that.
Just my opinion, based on not being a teen all that long ago. Hope it helps.
Seeing as tho she went through the UU OWL program last year, I’m not sure there’s much more for me to fill in!
I’m pretty comfortable that she has a pretty darn good idea of what goes where when. Just doesn’t feel she’s ready for it yet.
And in a way I feel that being to open about the joys of underage drinking and drug abuse, and premarital sex - might kind of sway her in that direction. No need for her to be in TOO much of a hurry.
), and they’ll scoff at the dire threats.