Should it really be either/or? Ideally, there should be full education on the scientific facts of sexuality, plus advocacy of waiting 'til they’re really ready.
My position:
(1) Teach the science thoroughly, starting in grade school. By the science I mean both the physiology (where babies come from, how come it takes a male + a female, what makes males and females, how Tab A goes into Slot B, how there is variation in rates of development; go level-adequate but make sure they’ve got that down by the time they’re in grade 6) and the “hygiene” for lack of a better word (what can go wrong, what is and is not “normal” in their development, how to take care of the “equipment”; include the facts about STD, pregnancy risk, the varied effectiveness method of preventive and curative means). There, DO include abstinence as the obviuous absolute way of avoiding negative consequences, followed by committed monogamy while using appropriate means, and DO acknowledge that it may be difficult to stick to it. But emphasize (a) both are possible and (b) if you fall off the wagon you get back on again. And here’s one that is very important: include units on “sexual mythbusting” , that is, debunking thoroughly any circulating tale about how “you can’t get pregnant/STD from doing XYZ”, or “everybody does ABC” or “you HAVE to do ZYX to be ‘normal’”, or “swallowing *** makes your boobs grow” or (a fave)“if the boy does not get off he can get injured from the back-pressure”.
(2) Simultaneous with this, expand “abuse-proofing” – the curricula on “bad touching” – to include exploitive behavior by peers AND relationship mythbusting. Teach very early, and very clearly, that nobody is obligated to provide any form of sexual favor to anyone else. That it cannot be demanded or “expected” of them, nor can they demand or “expect” it. Teach of the dangers of predation and rape, and of the risks of getting into a situation where you can soon be in over your head. Teach very early, and very clearly, that other kids are NOT authoritative sources of information (if it were up to me, I’d every so often pick off one of the “experienced” kids, identify some piece of bad info s/he is spreading around, and expose her/his folly in front of the class). Within this curriculum, yes, DO advocate and encourage abstinence as the default answer when-in-doubt or when confronted with insufficient data.
Notice this has a result of instilling “abstinence” not so much in the sense of virginal celibacy, but in the sense of discriminating selectiveness as to when/how/with whom to have sex, which would be unsatisfying for the more rigid ideologues. But IMO that is still (a) one huge step in the right direction and (b) about as much as most sensible adults really expect insofar as being “chaste”.
