My son was 4 when his dog died, a few weeks later he turned 5, and a few weeks after that his aunt died. He’s been struggling to understand it, and I didn’t think he grasped the concept because it didn’t seem to bother him at all. That is, until about 20 minutes ago.
He was playing dragonvale on the ipad, sitting on the floor next to the computer chair, when he suddenly looked up and asked “Daddy, what’s going to happen to the world?” I told him the world is already very old, and will last a very long time, but I didn’t know for sure what its ultimate fate would be. He started to look concerned, and asked “Will there be a new world after this one?” I told him I don’t know. His lip started quivering, and I asked him what was wrong. He didn’t talk, but started crying. I asked why he was crying, and he said “Because I don’t want to die!” From his reaction, I could tell it was something he had been concerned about (but not talking about) for a long time.
I didn’t know what to say. We had a talk about how all living things die, but he would be here for a long time. I had to struggle not to cry myself, while literally watching a layer of innocence being torn away from my child. I kept it together during the conversation, and he seemed to accept the “yes, you will die someday, but not for a long time so don’t worry about it yet” explanation.
You may want to reassure him that the world isn’t going to die while he’s on it. To him, death is scary. That’s actually a good thing - shows your kid is normal and loves life.
In that age children want to know and feel that they are safe.
There’s plenty of time to examine and become aware of reality.
In that age, it’s mostly emotions that have priority over their life so it’s a good thing to reassure them that they’re in no danger of an immediate death themselves.
It’s sad that he was confronted with two deaths so quickly. I think that does make it harder than being able to gently introduce the finality of death over time.
When I was young and just starting to understand death, I remember having a lot of fear that my parents would die. You might want to address that with him in case that’s part of why he’s upset and he’s just not verbalizing it…especially in light of the aunt’s death. I think that’s a common fear for kids and I definitely agree that the most important thing is to try to help him feel safe.
I have to say that I’m impressed that a kid that young is capable of even thinking things like “What’s going to happen to the world?”. He sounds like he is a deep thinker for a kid that age.
Oh, poor baby. I am also impressed with his question.
I remember my first experience with death. I was 8 years old and we learned that my grandfather had passed. The only thing I remember thinking was, please don’t let my mom die too.
It sounds like you handled it well. You know, it might even be okay to let him see you cry. It’s sad. Sadness is part of life. I’m sorry he’s having to experience this so young.
When my oldest two kids were 3 and 5, my grandmother died. I took them to the funeral home to teach them about death. I thought it wouldn’t be too traumatic: she was very old, they didn’t know her well, they could see what death and funerals and grieving were about. My aunts cooed over my kids…“Aren’t they cute! Here’s a dollar, sweetie.” My kids came away from the experience with a fistful of money and the impression that funerals are like trick-or-treat. NOT what I intended.
Comfort him by saying something along the lines that death maybe something to be scared of now but as he gets older he will become wiser about it and it won’t be so scary and like you’ve already mentioned to him he’ll be around and probably most importantly what he’s worried about that you’ll be around for a long time and not worry about it and enjoy life.
I remember having these revelations later on in life only when I was in my early teens when my step father died and turned my world upside down.
