Teen Burglars Kill Goldfish To "Leave No Witnesses"


Will the scales of justice tip for the goldfish in this case? Once convicted, will these teens be wrapped in fishing line, with lead weights attached, and dumped into the Chicago River?

What an idiot! If he knew anything he’d know that goldfish only have a 20 second memory span* and they’d never be able to identify him.

*Yes, I know goldfish having really short memory spans has been debunked but is that statement more ridiculous than someone killing goldfish to leave no witnesses?

They’re gonna send him to sleep with the fishes.

Although I find cruelty to “higher” animals more appalling, and frequently gut fish alive and eat them, I think it’s completely fitting that this dumbass(es) gets animal cruelty charges for a goldfish, and hope it (fish)sticks.

He’d betta get a good lawyer.

We had a break-in at my school where they killed all the fishes in the class fish tank, and they were caught pretty easily. But even they aren’t this stupid.

It’s like my dream where I once took a bath to make a clean getaway.

So why did they kill all the fish? Just for the halibut?

He had to give some reason; he couldn’t just admit he’d done it for the halibut.

ETA: Curse you, Wile E.

I wonder if Michael Cichlids will play the investigating police officer in the T.V. movie?

Why didn’t they steal them? Everyone knows the gold species always retain value.

“Leave the hot sauce, mustard, ketchup and spices. Take the cannolli.”

Will the teen perp slip the judge a fin to escape the scales of justice?

He did it on porpoise.

Maybe he should have just battered them.

I told the little bastard he needed to be more koi.

Perhaps the case should go to the Supreme Court so that Justice Scalia can give an opinion.

The kid couldn’t hear the goldfish scream because he was hard of herring.


Do you mean Michael Chiklis, aka Tony Scali, “The Commish”?

Cichlids are small, fresh water aquarium fish.

Here, this hat will keep your head warm next time.