We were discussing this elsewhere, and I wondered about the opinions and experiences here.
Would you let your 17-yr-old drink beer at home? At a party? Would you drink with him/her?
What about doing jello shots at an adult party, in the company of other teens and their parents?
Personally, I agree with demystifying alcohol by not making it a huge forbidden temptation. I don’t think there’s anything at all wrong with letting one’s teenagers taste it.
But the image of a mom handing her teenaged daughter a paper cup, “Here! Have fun!” is really disconcerting. Aren’t Grownup supposed to keep some distance? Or have things changed since I was a teen? I can’t begin to imagine my parents handing me a jello shot.
Then again, every family is different – what about yours?
My daughter is fifteen, and I’ll let her have a sip or two of whatever I’m drinking, if she asks. If it’s something especially tasty and not particularly potent, like a frozen chocolate mudslide, I’ll even give her a half a small glass or so of her own. When she’s seventeen or eighteen, I could see letting her have a beer or a glass of wine at a holiday party at my home.
But jello shots? Partying with my kid?!?!? Um, no. Don’t get me wrong, I look forward to being able to go to a bar with her. But there’s a world of difference between having a drink together, and throwing back Jager shots at a kegger. After all, we’re not *both * teenagers. Frankly, the latter behavior is more appropriate for her than for me.
I should clarify - the person I’m quoting gave her daughter just one jello shot, and it was the first time her daughter had sampled hard liquor at all.
For myself, I don’t think the quantity or quality of alcohol makes any difference, it’s the principle; but for other people that might be a central argument.
No one in my family has ever made a big deal about alcohol. When I was a teen, and we were out for dinner somewhere, my folks would order me a drink if I wanted one. At home, my margaritas came out of the same pitcher as my dad’s and my older brother’s. (Mom favored daiquiri’s, and I’ve never liked rum.) As Diana said, we didn’t exactly go boozing together–drinking specifically to get smashed–but then, none of us did that on our own or with friends, either.
It wasn’t “Here, go get hammered.” It wasn’t even about the alcohol. It was about treating me as a reasonable, intelligent person. There was trust and respect going both ways, and that meant something. They kept an eye on me, of course, making sure I wouldn’t do something stupid, but they also allowed me the opportunity to demonstrate that I could behave sensibly. They helped me learn how much I could handle under safe conditions, too.
It worked. I was always the sober one who looked after my friends and drove them home when they’d had too much. Also, I had less friction with my parents than most teens apparently do, in no small part because I knew they didn’t lay down (or blindly follow) arbitrary rules. It may not work out that way for all teens, of course, but I’ve got no complaints.
I’m with you on this one. My daughter is almost 19 now but I’ve let her have a taste of one thing or another since she was maybe 14. I came from a horrible Southern-Baptist background where alcohol was equated with instant damnation and (as a direct result) used to binge-drink when I was in my late teens and early twenties.
She tried getting smashed on jello shots once when her and her cousin went out to a disco in Thailand. Since then, no more binges and no drinking at all to get hammered. Just a beer or a glass of wine occasionally.
I got wine occasionally from a fairly young age, probably early teens, mostly on special occasions (ranging from some Manischiewitz stuff when marking Jewish holidays with my parents’ friends to a glass of something at Thanksgiving). My father is fond of scotch, so I sipped at it occasionally and made faces at him. When I was … fourteen or fifteen, I think, my mother taught me how to evaluate wines (the particular tests to go through, not the palate; I’m still developing the palate).
End result: I have never been frat-party drunk, even when I was going to frat parties. Alcohol was not a big forbidden mystery to me; I always had responsible use modelled for me, and was allowed to grow into responsible use. (I did a study abroad a few years ago with a college friend who is also adult-in-school-stumbling-uselessly-towards-degree; we were the only members of our class who were of drinking age in the US. A reasonably large fraction of our class had at least one ‘drank until vomiting’ incident.) I don’t know that I drink more than my family did as a kid, as while we have a lot of wine, we never seem to get around to actually drinking it. Which is silly, because I brew the stuff.
My folks emphasized responsibility about alcohol. To remove the glamour, they introduced me to it when I was 15, in very controlled circumstances, told me its consequences and told me not to abuse it, and limited my intake at home to infrequent special occasions where I was allowed to drink only the type and amount that they served me. They never ‘partied’ with me.
Since that day, I’ve been thru multiple detoxes and extended treatments, which fortunately resulted in continuing sobriety for over 16 years now. But it was a rough go for a while.
(I’m not blaming their approach to alcohol. Id’ve ended up addicted no matter what my upbrining and youthful exposure was)
Oh dear god-you should meet my aunt and uncle. Their kids are all grown now, but they ALWAYS passed out drinks to them.
Now, starting when I was about sixteen or so, my cousins and I were usually allowed to have a drink at Christmas time (usually Irish coffee, or a mudslide-something like that), and that’s one thing.
But at the graduation party of the youngest of the afore-mentioned aunt’s and uncle’s three kids, they were passing out beers to him and ALL OF HIS FRIENDS, some of them they had never even met before, as long as everyone gave my aunt their keys. They’re goddamned lucky they didn’t wind up arrested.
Wine for us kids 12ish-16ish, but only for the semi-formal dinners tho I remember even swiped swigs out of dad’s after-work sitting-at-the-kitchen table beer when he wasn’t looking when I was younger. They were still typically pretty draconian otherwise, and this similar cultural approach overall has been a real tragedy for adolescents in American society, because kids try to find an out of the way place to imbibe unsupervised, usually by driving. Further, it’s easier just to go buy illegal drugs, no ID required.
My mom started letting me taste her drinks when I was about 16. The drinking age was 18 then. So when I started college, I was one of the few who didn’t go out and get blind drunk every single weekend; it had no appeal to me.
“Forbidden fruit” and all that rot. For a lot of kids, knowing they aren’t supposed to be doing it is part of the appeal.
I grew up in a house where drinking some wine was common as a kid and a teen. We always drank at weddings, funerals and New Years without question. When we still lived up in the Bronx, my Dad use to bring home a bottle of wine at least twice a week and I would get a small taste in a little Dixie cup even when I was four.
I have no drinking problems and less drinking incidents than average among my circle of friends and acquaintances. My brother on the other hand has had two DUIs. My sisters have never had a problem.
I do not think that drinking, as a teen under parental supervision is either good or bad. I do admit to blanching at the idea of sharing Jell-O shots with my kids when they are teens. Thus far they have had no alcohol. I will see what happens when they are older, but with current laws, I am paranoid about doing as my parents did.
From about 14 or 15, mom would invite my buds and I to have a glass of (wait for it) Cold Duck with her. Yes, she was a gourmet (hee). But we’d only have one small glass. My buds would drink to drunkenness from time to time (and still do once in a while I think) but nobody overdid.
As for me, I’ve never been drunk and don’t wish to be. After a couple drinks, I don’t like how my brain feels. I gather the thing I don’t enjoy is what others do (the ‘buzz’?) but whatever it is, I’ve no wish to have more of it when it happens. As well, there’s been found a correlation between drinking and breast cancer so that also contributes to my lack of drinking. The bottles in my cabinet (few that they are) go untouched for years.
I was allowed the occasional small glass (less than 4 oz) beer or margarita with dinner from the age of around 10 on. Usually the small amount of margarita wasn’t enough for me, so I just requested virgin ones. No biggie. I think I managed to finagle a six pack of O’Doul’s once in a while, too. (Yes, I know it’s foul, it is probably why I am a beer snob now).
Jello shots though? Oh hell no. I’ve never had them at all, in fact. Sounds nasty.
I had Jello shots, once, just once. They are nasty and horrible. It was my bachelor party and I was already drunk. My wonderful friends fed me 1 or 2 of them. I spit one back out.
Only wine during special occasions, probably from the age of 12 or so, and just a taste. The occasional sip of a beer or rum as well (I am half Jamaican, damn near everything we cook has rum in it). Never what I now consider to be the domain of the 18-22 year old set - jello shots, wine coolers, that crap. Hence I went to college thinking that most liquor was kind of gruff.
End result - fairly normal relationship with alcohol. I like certain drinks, love a beer during a game or when the guys are over, but I don’t need it. Haven’t had a drink since wine at thanksgiving… mainly because I forget to pick it up at the supermarket.
I grew up in a home like What Exit’s - drank at weddings, special occasions, NYE, etc. We were given cordial glasses of wine - starting around age 4 or 5. Tastes of beer, rum, and the Puerto Rican version of egg nog - coquito.
I drink wine with dinner almost every night. I’ve let both my boys, now 19 and 15, taste the wine and help themselves to a glass if they like it for the last 4 or 5 years now. When we go out to dinner I’ll let them have a glass of wine if they choose to.
I don’t think I’d ever give either of them a Jell-o shot though. I’ll let them figure out how disgusting they are on their own, hopefully when they are a little bit older.
Im 19 right now, and my parents have always had the attitude of “if she’s going to drink, might as well spoil her on the good stuff”. Ive been allowed sips of beer and wine since I was 6 or so, and drank that awful Manischevitz (sp?) stuff during the holidays and services. As it is now, when I come home on the weekends half the time my Dad offers me a cup of wine so we can talk about it, and even picks up a six pack of my favorite brew to enjoy when I want.
So now yea, I’l go to that party, but if all thats available are jello shots (eugh!) and Keystone, then I’l pass and be the designated driver of the evening. My boyfriend was raised in the same environment, and he’s been so spoiled on microbrews that he has trouble even thinking of choking down some of the ahem piss water that passes as cheap beer nowadays.
I don’t even remember the first time my mother gave me alcohol. Although technically since she drank whilst pregnant, minus 9 months. My brother and I grew up drinking wine or beer with dinner. When I was 14 my mother drove me and my friends to and from the pub. And yes, we have done jello shots together.
I have gone on a few binges (the memorable whole-bottle-of-aftershock-and-blue-puke incident), but probably less than most of my friends. I think much of that is to do with the fact that my tolerance for alcohol is now fairly high, and I can’t afford to get drunk in a bar. My brother has never been drunk, to my knowledge. Having said that, my mother has been in and out of rehab numerous times for alcoholism.
I was allowed sips of wine for as long as I can remember. Alcohol wasn’t a big deal. They’d buy me a couple of alcopops at family parties from about the age of 13. I remember having the following discusion with the landlord.
“How old are you?”
“18”
“No your not. If you’re going to drink, do it in the other room!”
I also remember being supplied alcohol by my friend’s mum at 16, and at 15 the people I babysat for always had a couple in for me.
At 16, my friends and I were regulars at my local pub.