You would be correct. In fact, this is pretty much true of all “shooters”, which is, after all, the reason you’re supposed to knock them back so quickly. (I frequently get astonished looks from bartenders when I sip my whiskey, neat, rather than knock it back like a cowhand just in from the drive.)
My grandparents used to allow me a small glass of wine (watered down slightly, I expect) or I’d “split” a beer with my grandfather. I’d have been about 9 or 10. By the time my contemporaries were getting into cornfield keggers with Bud Light or Milwaukee’s Best, there was absolutely no mystique in the whole thing for me; it just looked like a bunch of out-of-control, vomiting teenagers. Better you learn to drink with people who demonstrate responsible behavior (if you’re going to drink at all) than partying down with the kids a couple years ahead of you. This assumes, of course, that your parents are responsible; a tenuous assumption at best with many people.
I had my first drink at 19, away from home at college. I drank decently (but never to the point I was drunk) that semester, and then stopped for a while until I turned 21. Even though I was half a world away from my parents, I didn’t want them to find out I had been drinking. I feared their response.
When we were kids, mom would occasionally serve a fancy meal with a “wine reduction sauce” or would serve something that she cooked with alcohol. Despite her stern statement that “all the alcohol cooks out,” my sister and I would take a bite and then act drunk for the rest of the meal. So maybe there was a reason why they didn’t let us drink even a sip.
So my sister and my eldest brother and I all had kind of the same attitude about alcohol before we were legal – not to excess, don’t get caught by mom and dad, and don’t get drunk because it ruins the next day with hangovers. My youngest brother, however, was permitted to drink pretty much any time. He would go over to friends’ houses for the weekend, and drink pretty constantly. My parents knew about it, but believed that as long as he wasn’t driving, it was no big deal. Plus, they said, the rest of the kids turned out okay, so he’ll be fine too.
And now, of course, my brother still kind of drinks a lot. To the point where my dad now wonders whether he has a drinking problem… but still gets him a beer when he asks.
AFAIK it’s 18 in public, non-existent at home when supervised by an adult. I believe this applies both to Nothern Ireland (where the chicken is from) and the Republic of Ireland alike.
My (Caribbean) grandmother used to dose me with rum when I was a baby for teething and as a soporific. I bought my first pint of beer in an English pub when I was 12, but that was the fault of the senile landlady. I started drinking wine with my parents over a meal since I was about 14. Parents used to leave me a few beers out for me when I babysat aged 16-17.
That said, my parents rarely get drunk, so I never actually “partied” with them. However, my experience living in Ireland showed the shared drinking between parents and teens to be somewhat more prevalent in that culture than in England.
Most of my friends wouldn’t think twice about doing a few shots with their parents at a wedding or similar event. And in the small village I grew up in, there were always a few kids playing out back of the pub waiting for their parents to be done drinking.
My dad is a recovering alcoholic, so we never drank in the house, out of respect for him (although he was pretty confident in his recovery, so it was pretty much just respect). When he was out of town my mom would get some mudslides or something and we’d all drink that while we watched TV. When I was little and my dad was still drinking, they’d let me have a sip or two of beer (I think I was maybe five at this point), and I disliked the taste of it so much it put me off drinking until I was about 15 anyway. But at that point if I wanted something, my parents would buy it for me - I was never much of a socialite anyway. My sister was, but even she didn’t see the point of getting shitfaced drunk.
Alcohol was never really taboo for us, even coming from an alcoholic home. On my 21st birthday I rented a hotel room and a couple of my friends had drinks. My mom stopped by with mudslides (Dad was working that night) and hung out for a while, congratulating me on making 21, and then everyone left and the boyfriend and I went to bed. No one got drunk (although as I recall it a few people did bring some illegal plant with them - I didn’t do any because I was downstairs trying out the slot machines).
My parents let me have a glass of wine at holidays starting at 14 or so. Usually it’d be a glass of something blush with a little Sprite mixed in to make it taste less wine-y. When I was sixteen or so I was allowed maybe 2 glasses or beer at family functions. Now I limit my own alcohol - our extended family rule seems to be if you’re out of high school, you can drink with the family if your parents are cool with it. We’re irish and we like to drink, haha.
I got drunk with friends in high school and all that - I have done the drinking until puking a few times, but it’s usually on accident (at a party and not paying attention to how much I’ve drank, just being stupid). I think it depends on how the kid views alcohol - parents demystifying it can help, but it’s not everything. Now that I’m a bit older (20) I don’t like to get wasted. I like to get a bit buzzed at parties now and then but I’d rather sip on a beer or two and chill. Some kids hang out with other kids that like to get wasted, some don’t and I think peer pressure factors in to it a lot. My friends still like to get wasted but I am sick to death of hangovers and usually don’t have the free time to sleep them off anymore. I learned the hard way a few times with the puking and bad hangovers and all that - the memories of those usually keep me from drinking too much now.
There hasn’t been any alcohol in the house for at least twenty years, since both of my parents take psychotropic medications. So they don’t drink at home or in public, which means that I have no access. That suits me, since I become nauseated when I smell alcohol a yard away, or on people who have just had a beer (I tended to keep my distance from danceswithcats after a while last night). Add that rather strong reason to the fact that there is a history of alcoholism on both sides of my family, and there’s not much chance that I will drink even what is commonly expected socially after I’m legal, in about two and a half years.
My dad has always let me share a beer with him. I think I was 15 or 16 when it was accepted that I could just take my own bottle from the fridge. I never had any idea of alcohol as a mysterious or rebellious thing.
My mom was the person in my family who was the more moralistic, anti-alcohol-and-drug person, although even she was pretty tolerant. When I was 17 my mom and dad split up, and when I went to my dad’s place it was a buddy-buddy atmosphere. Beers together, and I even smoked weed around him (but not with him.)
I’ve never had issues with alcohol or drugs in my life. I directly credit my dad here, for not forbidding it and thereby making it seem like a rebellious and exciting thing.
Mr. Adoptamom and I are not big drinkers, but we’ve allowed AdoptaTeens to sample whatever wine/champagne/wine cooler/daquiri we’ve served when we have company or on holidays. They’re pretty responsible young adults and I don’t have a problem with them having half a glass of wine or a flute of champagne with the rest of the family.
AdoptaDaughter(14 yo) has me a bit concerned in that she talks enviously of college aged kids who get to go to parties and get drunk. She’s a straight A student and pretty well balanced, so I don’t know how much of that is just talk or if it’s truly wishful thinking. I do know that she’s made me reexamine my feelings on allowing them to sample a drink at home (we’re talking about 3-4 times a year, not often). Recently she was visiting one of our grown daughters, who had a bottle of whiskey in her kitchen cabinet. The younger daughter asked if she could have a shot and after clearing it with us, gave her one with the understanding that she had to SHOOT it, not sip it. We expected her to refuse, but she called our bluff and did it. Frankly, we thought she’d cough a lot or throw up, but she kept it down. She called the next morning, miserable because she had a headache and had period cramps PLUS had to babysit her four year old niece. She got no sympathy here, although I did enjoy a chuckle after I hung up the phone. Now she’s expressed an interest in having a shot of tequila. AdoptaDad was tempted to tell her yes on the condition that she must eat the worm first.
We moved into a house with a formal dining room when I was 14, and my mother decided that we would have formal Sunday evening meals (dinner or supper, whichever you want to call it). We all had wine and water glasses, and my parents allowed us kids to have some good wine, watered to suit our ages, during these dinners. My father has always maintained that a sip of Scotch is the best way to burn out a sore throat, and I remember denying that I had a sore throat, because I didn’t want to drink that Scotch. I think that he had a special bottle of Old Underwear for medicinal purposes, because nowadays I quite like Scotch.
My parents never forbade it, it was always something you could taste if you wanted to. I never wanted to though since my grandmother died of alcoholism when I was 14. All my memories of her up until she died were bad memories. She would steal stuff from us to buy alcohol, she would dissapear for months at a time and reappear when she needed money again. She was at a point where she should have been retired or working the last few years of a really good, high paying job with tenure (my other grandparents all were, so I couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t doing the same thing) and instead she was working at Jack in the Box or Taco Bell for short bursts. She would occasionally get a waitressing job at a bar and then get fired for stealing drinks to get loaded while at work. When she died her skin was jaundiced because her liver finally gave up and quit on her. The only thing I inherited from her was her hair dryer and a gene for alcoholism so I don’t touch it.
My brother grew up in the same house, same rules, but was 6 years younger than me. He didn’t really get the same “drinking is bad, m’kay” message that I got to witness. He is now 18 and drinks and smokes in the yard with my family like he is 45 or something. I caught him while my parents were out of town with his friend trying to split a huge bottle of jim beam so I know the fact that they let him drink isn’t stopping the binge drinking thing from happening.
The whole premise of this thread seems vastly American (USA) centric. After all, in most of the rest of the world, it is normal and customary for young people to drink alcoholic beverages just like adults. For example, in France, wine is customarily served at dinner, to both adults & teenagers. They would think it real strange if you suggested anything different.
It’s pretty much only in the USA where we still are recovering from the failure of Prohibition, and still have all kinds of laws & restrictions about alcoholic beverages. And cultural hang-ups like this, too.
In most countries of the world, this would be an absolutely silly question.
This is very true. Prohibition really skewed this country’s view on alcohol. It’s amazing.
I read an article the other day about how wine classes are being considered for primary school children in France (article) and couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the thought of something like that being proposed over here.
My dad and most of my mom’s family were alcholics, and everyone had kids around the same time so instead of going out to bars they just hung out at our house and drank and played cards.
There’s really no better way to keep your kids from becoming drunks than to let them hang out with you and your drunken in-laws every weekend. My brother, cousins and I have never had any issues with drinking other than not always feeling comfortable around drunk people. Especially those “DUDE I JUST HAD FIVE BEERS I AM SO SMASHED” people. Yech.
By the time we got old enough to want to drink, we had no interest, and it was also not forbidden to have a drink here or there. By the time we got old enough to DRIVE, we all became the family’s designated drivers, which gave us a good base for becoming our friends’ DDs.
My aunt (on the other side of the family) was all strict with her girls and went the “I’d rather they drank at home with me [under age] than go out and drink” and they’re both alcoholics and drug addicts now.
Yeah I got to go with DianaG on this one. A glass of wine with dinner or even a beer or two with the game might be fine. Maybe a few drinks at our annual family xmas party. Basically drinking like adults. Pounding Jager shots or keg parties for their friends, way out.
We never really drank a lot in my family though. The only time I saw my parents drink growing up was a few beers or some wine at gatherings like the Superbowl, wedings or a holiday party. My pattern of drinking tends to be “excessive” but controlled (as in I don’t drive and about 90% of the time I call it quits before I’m too messed up) with friends or coworkers. I don’t see myself continuing that kind of activty if I have a family.
Well I have partied with my mom, but only once or twice because she doesn’t drink much. She knew about me drinking when I was about 16 or 17, but always made it known that I should never drive when I’d been drinking. Once I was 18 it wasn’t unusual for me to ask my mom to pick up some beer for me if she was going to the store and a friend of mine was having a party or something. When I was a teen I very rarely experimented with any illegal drugs, definitely a lot less than my friends. My mom wanted me to feel I could share everything with her, and for the most part I did. She always told me that when she was young her parents were extremely strict, but it didn’t stop her from finding ways to do what she wanted.
Many of my friends’ parents took the same approach as she did.
In the end, I, and my friends who had parents like mine know how to be responsible when drinking, and many of my friends back then trying to sneak around their parents ended up with DUIs or worse. Not saying this approach is right for everyone, obviously the kids have to have a record of being generally responsible in all aspects. Of course, YMMV.
Wine was pretty much part of the Sunday dinner since I was old enough to hold the glass by myself. Always a small amount, and usually mixed with water, but the whole idea that alcohol was ‘forbidden’ was something I picked up more from my friends and TV than my parents. When I got into my mid-teens, we would all each have a beer with our Friday-night pizza, and at holiday parties (more like extended family dinners than parties) nobody blinked if I had a beer or a screwdriver with everyone else. At no point, however, did we ever get drunk together.
It probably helped that I wasn’t known as a troublemaker as a teen, and never got out of control when I drank.
When I was 13 or 14, I begged my dad for a sip of his beer. Yecch. It tasted like something crawled into the bottle and died. When I was 15, he gave me a glass of merlot and told me he’d give me a five if I could drink the whole thing. I couldn’t drink a fourth of it. Dang, that was bitter stuff. Consequently, drinking holds no appeal for me. Yeah, I know, I’m a freak, etc. etc. Drunk people, on the other hand, are a constant source of amusement.
fessie, exactly what principle is involved? When I was in my teens, I drank wine with my dad when we had it, and occasionally had liqueur in my coffee. My mom did not drink as she hates the taste of alcohol. Now I would not give out alcohol to teens that were not my own, or at least whose parents had not given me permission to serve them.
I certainly will be allowing my daughter to drink with us, and at an appropriate age, she will get alcohol. Mind you, as a rule, we don’t get drunk, but have a single drink nearly everyday when I am not pregnant. For now, her drinks are the non-alcohol variety, but last year we let her have a sip of sparkling wine at new years. She really likes having a bit of club soda with a bit of flavoring over ice with a twist in a fancy glass. She seldom drinks more than a couple sips, which is part of another strategy of mine. I don’t want her to feel compelled to finish a drink, ever. She did finish the non-alcohol mint and basil julep this summer. The basil was her idea. She picked it after I picked mint for juleps. She also loves what we call filthy virgin martinis: ripe spanish olive in its own brine.
Drinking should be pleasant, moderate, and social. How better to convey that than demonstration?
However, would I hand my teen a jello shot in a paper cup? No. We don’t use paper cups and I can’t stand jello in any form. Will I hand her a single Manhattan or a Crusta in a cocktail glass? You bet.
It’s good to know that although I sampled nearly every intoxicant in my teen years that I didn’t miss much with the jello shots. Or the Everclear, appletinis, whatever sugary ass crap my peers drink, for that matter.
(BTW Stranger, I’m glad I’m not the only one that gets those looks…you should see the confused looks I get asking for gin drinks at the dives my husband’s band plays at.)
