Teens and Parents Drinking Together?

In My Humble Opinion
41

I get the same thing from time to time, too. Honestly, if it tastes so bad you have try to throw it past your tongue to avoid tasting it…why the hell are you drinking it?

Rhetorical question, of course: They’re drinking it to get blitzed as quickly as possible. What I’ve never figured out is why anyone would set that as a goal. I’ve been drunk enough to be physically incapacitated only once, on which occasion I learned that it doesn’t do diddly for emotional pain, and that it brings a whole host of new miseries to join the gang. I can’t even guess how much worse it would have been if I got hangovers.

42

Me too! Man, you shoulda been there the day I barfed vodka all over the pew cushion…

I’m older and wiser now. Wine with meals, that’s about it. I keep offering a sip to my kids, but they won’t even try it. They say it smells nasty. They also have some vivid memories of my first husband’s alcoholism.

43

I grew up in a country (Spain) and time where there were no such things as a minimum age for drinking (still, most bars wouldn’t sell you alcohol if you weren’t at least “this high”).

I remember feeling curious about Dad’s beer when I was 7; he only drank it in the summer. He let me have a sip and, finding t bitter and not to my taste, I didn’t try it again until I was 14 (and definitely “this high”). A bit of champagne for Christmas, occasional sips of wine and brandy at different times. Two relatives of mine are alcoholics (one on each side, yipee); she’s been dry for years but used to be one of those people who badger others with “but you have to drink! Don’t be such a party-killer!”

While I pretty much don’t ever drink, I would offer a sip of whatever I’m having to my kid (or nephew, or whatever) if I see he’s curious about it: better to have them try it supervised than un-! But I wouldn’t say “here! party up!”

44

As both a drinker and a bartender, I’ve always thought the American attitude towards drinking is absurd; it’s not like something magical happens when a person turns 21 that makes them “capable” of handling alcohol any better than their teenage counterparts.

And I’ve also thought for years that a lot of the shenanigans that occur at weekend college house parties, frats, etc., wouldn’t occur (at least to the same extent) if the kids involved knew they could drink anytime, legally. Vs. “I GOTTA GET AS WASTED AS POSSIBLE TONIGHT CUZ I DUNNO WHERE I’LL GET IT AGAIN!”

I was told by my teenage neighbors that it’s far easier for a teenager to get hold of weed and/or other drugs than it is for them to obtain alcohol.

That’s just stupid.

If I had a kid I would neither encourage nor ban alcohol while they’re growing up; like my parents, I’d allow them a sip of whatever I’m having. Alcohol is, IMHO, no different than junk food/TV/video games or anything else that’s harmless and enjoyable in moderation and potentially harmful in excess.

Jello shots, though?

Now that’s just gross. And tacky.

:smiley:

45

Something I would like to clarify:

I think too many people have this notion that “the point of having a party is to drink and the point of drinking is to get drunk.”

WRONG

The point of having a party is to relax and enjoy shared time with your friends, family, or even with people you just met (some of the best times I’ve had have been with relative unknowns). And the point of drinking is to enjoy the scent, taste and texture of the drink and, if food is present, the way both interact.

The reason I don’t drink more isn’t that I dislike the sensory input (i.e., I would never shoot up something I’d rather not sip); it’s that I dislike headaches.

46

My parents let me have small amounts of wine, sherry, lager shandy, cider and very small tastes of liqueurs from quite an early age - perhaps 6 or 7 years and by 16 or 17 I would be allowed my own glass of wine or can of beer. Nobody seems to have been harmed by this, and I generally let my own kids (8 and 10) have a taste or a few sips of my wine or beer.

47

This has been a really interesting thread – I felt like such an oddball during adolescence because I truly could not grasp the appeal of getting “wasted”. It made no sense. I remember going to a big party and watching kids standing around drinking one Bud and hanging on to the rest of the 6-pack with their free hand, not really doing or saying anything, and was like – you mean, this is what the “cool” people do? This is IT?

I tried, really I did – in college I managed to drink 2 Long Island iced teas, and maybe part of a third, before getting thoroughly ill. So I resigned myself to the sober life and bid my drunken friends adieu.

At this point I splash some Rum in my Coke occasionally and drink a little wine now and then - Aldi, I am not kidding, Aldi grocery stores carry a $3.75 wine that is truly no worse than the many $10-12 wines we’ve tried.

Now, on ONE occasion, ONCE, I shared part of a bottle (actually 2) of very expensive wine. No idea what the brand/year was, they were brought to a party by a couple who owned a liquor store. Somebody said they were $90/bottle, but that person was prone to exaggeration. At any rate, THAT wine — ahhhhhhhh! If I had access to that, I would be a steady (and enthusiastic) wine drinker. It was another beast entirely.

Well, I was thinking of several points. What first leapt to mind was - WTF was that parent trying to accomplish? Being “cool” in her daughter’s eyes by letting her do something normally forbidden? Because I think a 17-yr-old needs a parent who’s a Parent, not a Buddy.

Or maybe she was demonstrating how to cave in to peer pressure - hey, hon, it’s great to do shooters as long as you’re following the crowd. Or perhaps it was all about the joys of public drunkenness.

However

Posters here make excellent points about incorporating a healthy enjoyment of liquor into normal (or Special Occasion) life. I agree with not making it a big, hidden taboo. I was always welcome to sample what my parents were drinking.

48

Our sons were allowed to have wine with important family feasts when they became teen-agers. Neither of them really liked it much. We serve a fairly dry red wine at those things.

The boys also got to drink beer with Dad when they helped with major home improvement projects. It wasn’t something they sought, but I figure when a 16-year-old kid spends his Saturday helping me install lawn turf or building a fence, well, he’s earned a beer. We look back on it now as a rite of passage. When a lad works like a man, ya’ treat him like a man, and that includes sharing your beer with him. Not a lot of beer, but a beer.

49

My old neighbors used to let their teen kids smoke pot on their carport, which I respect, especially if the parents figure they are going to do it anyway, you might as well have them do it at home and not doing it whilst out driving, etc.

50

By about 15, I would have a drink with my parents at home on a weekend night. I think they did it to demystify, and it’s not like I was up to anything “bad” ever. They’d be making themselves drinks and gave me one; Campari and tonic, or liqueur like Amaretto (still my favorite) and Drambuie. Champagne on New Year’s. A couple of gin and tonics during dinner before my HS graduation (I was 16 but the waitress didn’t blink an eye; I think the drinking age was 18 then).

We didn’t do any other drugs though.

51

In the past couple of years we have started to allow our kids, now age 17 and 18, to drink with the family on special occasions. They can have wine at Christmas or Thanksgiving, champagne on New Years, and cocktails when we’re on vacation at the beach, the same as the adults. They also get an alcopop or two during the tailgate parties before WVU football games, if they want, but they know better than to push it too far.

I know of some parents that provide kegs of beer and liquor to their teenage kids and their friends and party with them to the point of inebriation, but my kids are not allowed to attend those functions. The ones I know about, anyway. I hope that if they do end up drinking with their friends they’ll have enough sense to drink responsibly.

52

Some studies show that the earlier a person starts to drink the more likely they are to have alcohol problems.

According to this site, “A child who reaches age 21 without smoking, abusing alcohol or using drugs is virtually certain never to do so.”

I drank when I was younger but no longer drink alcohol at all. I probably had my first drink at about 17 or so. My parents didn’t drink at all. My grandfather had alcohol problems and my mother didn’t want to be around it because of that I guess. She never spoke of the evils of alcohol, there was just never any alcohol in our house.

I tended bar through school and the longer that I watched people getting drunk, the less appealing alcohol became. As I got older, I try to live a little healthier so I don’t drink at all. Plus it’s fattening. I try to save my calories for something I really like. My husband isn’t much of a drinker either for the same reasons.

My son has never drank alcohol in my presence. As a kid it was illegal and dangerous and it would no more have occurred to me to hand him a drink as it would a joint. What would be the point? I never said it was wrong or bad to drink but I hope I led by example to make healthy choices. He’s very athletic, runs and joined a crew team at school and isn’t a big party person.

As an adult he’s free to make his own decisions. I’ve never read or heard any evidence except antidotal (is that a word?) that introducing your children to alcohol is a positive thing or prevents alcohol problems. From what I’ve read, just the opposite. But I have friends who were allowed to drink at home and they’re just fine, so who knows.

Here’s another site about teen drinking.
http://www.family.samhsa.gov/stop/talk.aspx

53

I think the issue depends on the individuals, as well as the individual family’s rules. My oldest daughter has been prone to addiction to just about anything that crosses her path. I gave her sips of my beer occasionally when she was little, but once her addictive tendencies surfaced, I’d have not given her alcohol, because I didn’t want to fuel the fire. My 15-year-old, OTOH, is extremely mature and responsible. We’re going on vacation over Christmas, and were looking at an online menu for a restaurant I know we’re going to be eating at. She saw a champagne cocktail (and description of said drink) on the menu, and asked me if I’d order one so she can taste it. I said, sure, why not? I trust her not to behave recklessly, and letting her taste a little drink isn’t going to hurt anything.

Obviously, like so many other things, anyone else’s MMV.

54

Bolding mine, and I think that’s your answer.

55

My dad used to give me sips of his drinks when I was little, but unlike a lot of other kids I really liked the stuff. He used to think it was funny to give me whiskey in front of his friends. And one time he left a big glass of red wine on the table while he went to the bathroom, only to come back and find it empty. Lol, I was a chip off the old block!

Then when I was 17 my dad stopped drinking for good. We never had alcohol in the house after that. He always warned me about drinking and smoking (cigarettes) because they had been such a problem for him. He did give me joints every once in a while, but that never interested me much.

56

Um sorry, answer to what?

57

That there is a difference between tasting alcohol and abusing it. In Europe, I’d guess most kids are exposed to alcohol. Catholic kids get it as part of First Communion at a pretty young age (I was six - but had been drinking wine before that - my extended family is culturally Italian and wine with dinner - water down for small children - was what you drank). But if you abuse alcohol young, you have a much better chance of abusing it older.

58

My parents waiver between being really strict and really liberal (for their age and background). Drugs and alcohol was one of the things they were pretty shrieky about, and my dad is still completely dry while my mom drinks about 2 times a year.

No drinking in the house till we were legal, no “tastes” etc… I think my dad was gunning for us to be teetollers (or whatever it’s called). Poor thing, he didn’t get his wish on that though he makes a half-hearted attempt to prosletyze teetotalling once in a while, the dear.

I didn’t drink till I was 20 though it was legal where I went to college at the age of 18. I drink now but don’t keep alcohol in my house. Never did drugs either. I’ve been drunk but my sister has yet to even get tipsy. No real interest.

Either we are natural born puritans or I guess we just have other vices to keep us busy. My parents were one of the very few Indian parents I knew of who let their kids date (Americans even!) so I never really felt it was worth it to annoy them on that front when they were so indulgent on so many other issues.

59

What **Dangerosa ** said. Drinking alcohol is not the same thing as abusing alcohol. And I think that a kid is much more likely to abuse alcohol if they’ve never had the opportunity to learn to enjoy it responsibly. As she gets older, part of that is learning what her tolerance is, how much alcohol she can drink before she starts feeling it, and how you’ve got to be careful of anything too sweet!

I’d much rather she learn in the safety of her own home that two glasses of wine makes her head feel funny, and that those sugary blue drinks don’t hit you until you try to stand up, than have her pass out at a party after her first encounter with vodka and lemonade. I’ll grant you that one doesn’t *necessarily * preclude the other, but I firmly believe that knowledge is power. You wouldn’t want your kid to learn to drive by sneaking around stealing cars and cruising around town with their dumbass buddies, so why would you want them to learn to drink that way?

60

I don’t see that giving your 17 year old a single drink and telling them to have fun means that you are giving up your role as a parent and trying to be their buddy. I don’t understand the thought process behind that at all. Do you view it as some kind of dichotomy? Either you can have discipline, or you can enjoy a drink? Either you can want your child to have fun or be a responsible person? I endeavor to avoid such thinking. I think it is vital to know that when you are having fun, you are responsible for your actions. I think it is important that not all of my interactions with my child have some kind of a point. We are sometimes just silly and have fun without any point being made. This doesn’t mean that I am abdicating my responsibility as a parent. Nor does giving a 17 year old a single drink without accompanying it with a lecture of responsibility.

It almost reminds me of a sitcom where there is a false dichotomy between being maintaining any discipline and having none at all.