Telemarketees...

The BBQ Pit
1

Why do you ask if I’m a fireman? Of course I’m not. Do you think your firemen have nothing better to do than sit around asking for money on the phone?

When you say “gosh, I really don’t think I’m interested right now” and I reply “OK, we’ll try back later, thanks”, do you not understand what just went on? Don’t be surprised when you get a call back later that week.

Why do you ask why I have to call while you’re eating dinner? I talk to people eating dinner at 4:00, and I talk to people eating dinner at 8:00. If you’d like to write software that only calls people who aren’t eating, feel free.

Why do you ask how I got your number? Imagine me standing in a crowded room with my eyes closed, shouting “Hey John!” Then pretend your name is John, and imagine yourself shouting back “How did you know my name?” Does that make any more sense? And don’t tell me your number is unlisted. I know that.

Why do you think saying “I don’t want any” will have an effect before I’ve even mentioned what we’re offering?

Why do you waste your own time by hanging up or making excuses to get off the phone? “Uh… um… there’s someone at the door! I gotta go!” We’ll happily call you back every 4 days for the rest of your life if you don’t get around to a) listening to the offer and then b) turning it down. I won’t even know it’s happening, but you sure will.

Why are you so spineless that you can’t just say no? “Oh, you don’t know how much I would love to contribute! But I really can’t afford $17 right now, even though I live in the wealthiest part of town. Those yacht payments, you know. Maybe next year I’ll be in better shape!”

Listen, I am offering you something that you probably have not heard of. If, after you have heard what it is, you decide you don’t want it, say that.

Children: I know what “mommy and daddy aren’t available” means. So does every predator who that answer was designed to thwart.

Immigrants who don’t speak English: Answering “yes” to every question you don’t understand is not a wise policy.

Senile old people: Why do you have a phone if you can’t understand what people are saying to you? I am not coming down to your haunted mansion to fix your fireplace. I didn’t ask for a story about the Indian summer of 1920, I asked if you liked the weather. If you’re going to yell at me, try to use words that form sentences.

Perhaps since it’s so loud in the background you think I’m calling from a party, but let me tell you, there are no frat boys who think a good prank is calling people pretending to be telemarketers.

“Are you an oldies or classic rock fan?” has many possible answers, but “No, I’m a Christian” is not one of them.

2

Ok, so because you called me when I did not ask you to I am required to take time out of my busy schedule and listen to you drone on about your entire offer and then nicely/happily but firmly refuse in no uncertain terms or you have the right (or think you do) to keep calling me back just pissing me off more? Wrong.

Also, this whole thing about offering me something that I didn’t know existed probably sounded really good and at least made a little sense in the years before the internet was so popular and easy to access. However, now I can search for basically anything my little heart desires right here on the net. It’s not on the net yet, you say? Give it a couple weeks. And if it doesn’t ever appear on the net or in a catalog, what makes you think I want to spend my hard earned money buying a product that I have never seen just because some voice on my phone said it was cool?

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not a telemarketer-hater like some people on this board. I generally listen to the pitch if it is a product I am remotely interested in. However, companies that use telemarketing are not offering these products and services because they like me and want to do me a favor. They are offering them because they want to make money. My money. And if someone wants my money, they sure as hell better play at least partially by my rules.

([sub]or have I just been “whooshed”?[/sub]

3

AS a former telemarketer, I’m just taking this moment to say that while I don’t agree with everything you’ve posted, I will gladly be back to help argue against the inevitable dumbfucks who will attack you.

4

Attack away, oldscratch!

5

(at least I hope you are) because no spawn of Satan telemarketer can honestly believe that ANYBODY could feel any sympathy for your bullshit. I’ll tell you how to solve all of the problems you have with your telemarketees. Stop calling them. When you call somebody at home to ask inane, annoying questions you deserve whatever you get.

6

OK, if I say I’m not interested, please do not criticize me for not listening to your entire pitch before telling you so. I am automatically not interested in anything anyone feels the need to have to hire people to call me up on the phone when I’m eating dinner, reading a good book, or staring at the ceiling for no good purpose. If I want something, I’ll go to the store and buy one.

Oh, BTW, I will in all probability ask you for the mailing address of your company, as well as the name of your supervsor. I will then tell you to take my number off your calling list, and inform you that if you ever call me again, I will bill your company $300 for the use of my phone line, which I pay good money to lease, for their advertising purposes. I will send your supervisor a letter to the same effect.

7

evilbeth:

It’s not a seminar, it’s a two-paragraph presentation. You can spare 30 seconds, or you’ll be able to at a better time.

You don’t have to refuse nicely… three “fuck thats” is as good as three “no thank yous”. You just have to know what it is you’re saying no to.

Thea Logica:

If what you’re doing is so important that you can’t take 30 seconds out of it to talk to someone, why are you answering the phone?

But how do you know what’s available in the first place? By being told about it.

Which of course we will gladly do. Someone who asks to be taken off the list is not someone who is going to buy this product. Why should we call again?

$10 per second of phone time? I only pay $20 for the whole month. Maybe you need to switch phone companies.

Of course by owning a phone, you are implicitly allowing people to call you. That’s what a phone is for.

8

**
[/QUOTE]

Of course by owning a phone, you are implicitly allowing people to call you. That’s what a phone is for. **
[/QUOTE]

OK then, post your home phone number.

9

Mr2001, that’s a load of bull.

I’m not going to say that all telemarketeers are evil. Hey, it’s a living, and I’m sure they’re all great people.

But when you call me at my home phone, I DO have the right to tell you to take a hike, ask you to scratch me off your list, and demand you never call me again. And since it is MY time you’re invading, I can choose to do this in a polite or profane way.

What is so difficuly about that? It’s not like I asked to be called. Should I hear out every Jehova that shows up at my door unsolicited? Fuck no. So why are telemarketeers different?

10

Addendum: I often make sales from calls that start out “Hi, I’m calling to tell you about–” “I’m not interested.” “No interest required, ma’am, we’re just calling to let you know about…”

Perhaps you think you’re automatically opposed to anything marketed directly, but that just means you haven’t been pitched the right product yet. There’s always something that will interest you. We make hundreds of sales a day, and I bet if you’d asked any of the customers an hour earlier whether they would buy something from a telemarketer, almost all would have said no.

11

Interested in the early history of telephone soliciting? Then you’ll love Advertising by Telephone from the September 12, 1903 Western Electrician, and, at no extra cost, Housekeeper Objects to Telephone Advertising, from the February 20, 1909 Telephony. And for more information about the early use of the telephone for commercial enterprises, just click on the handy www button at the close of this post, and make your way to the “News and Entertainment by Telephone” section. Do it now–you won’t be sorry!

Hello? Hellooo?

12

Chupacabra:

I don’t have to invite calls… but I don’t pitch a fit every time the phone rings. I accept that if I have a phone, people will call me once in a while.

Coldfire:

And we will gladly do that. If you want to be off the list, ask to be taken off.

The fact is, most people don’t ask to be taken off. Most people don’t even say “never call me again”. The kind of person who is so obsessive about the sanctity of his phone that he would demand not to be called by anyone he doesn’t know, is not the kind of person who would buy something from us. They also aren’t a majority.

You know what they’re trying to give you. You don’t know what a telemarketer is trying to give you.

13

What if I don’t care?

It doesn’t matter that I don’t know what you’re selling. All that matters, is that I didn’t ask for anything.

I can understand that it must be frustrating when people get rude with you, but you must understand that that’s an inherent part of your job. You’re invading peoples privacy, and not all people like that.

Don’t give me that “You don’t know what you’re saying ‘no’ to” routine. I honestly don’t care what great offer I’m missing.

14

In my experience, people only invite calls from the people they want to call them. That is why you (or I) wouldn’t post our home numbers on a public forum like this. I don’t want to invite calls from people I don’t want to call me. I also accept that if I have a phone, people will call me, but it should only be the people I want to call me. I don’t pitch a fit every time the phone rings. I have caller ID, if it shows an “unknown number” I just don’t answer.

15

Frustrating? I just want to get on to the next call. There are a million other people in the state; whether I make this sale or another one doesn’t matter.

If you say you don’t care, you haven’t come across the right product or the right salesman. Most of the people we sell would probably agree with everything you’ve said, but they bought from us because something did interest them for once.

16

There is an always loaded old track meet starter`s pistol next to my primary phone. I have been shot so many times that it is hard to choose where to point next. There is a little ham in most all of us. Trying to think of a new way to scare the caller can bring out even the simplest of acting ability. Entertainment abounds everywhere!

17

I will never buy anything pitched over the telephone. You could be a boiler-room scam artist. As Thea Logica said, if I want something, I’ll go find it. As soon as I realize a telemarketer is on the line, I say ‘No thanks’ and hang up. Why waste time listening to the speil when I know I’m not going to buy?

18

Please explain why if I receive an unsolicited call from you, I should conform to your standards? Why do stangers owe you even 30 seconds of their time? They don’t, so if they choose to tell you they’re not interested right at the start they’re entitled to do so. If that’s too hurtful for you, get a different job.

19

Possibly. And I still don’t care. I still don’t wanna be bothered by salesmen.

Just accept that there are millions of people like me, who do not care whether you’re offering them a great deal. They just do not want to be bothered at home.

Is that so hard to accept? Are you going to reply with another “If you don’t care, you haven’t given it a chance”?

Because that would be quite futile.

20

Bawdysurfer:

Scare the caller? You might think you’re fooling him, but you probably aren’t. Any joke you pull on a telemarketer will probably lighten his day even more than it does yours. He knows it’s a joke and it’s a welcome break from the routine.

spooje:

Perhaps you should be asking to be taken off the list. If we know you won’t buy it, why would we want to call you?