(For context, I am in Alberta.)
A nine year old girl has thrown a wrench in to our life, but it’s a good thing.
tl;dr - We are considering adopting a nine year old foster child that has been a part of our extended family for a number of years (she is not related to us, however). The province has filed for custody of her, but her mom is contesting it. Court date is in April.
I’ve mentioned this before, but my husband and I have fertility problems and are in the process of preping for our first IVF (side story - I am also donating eggs to my sister). We both work full time and are established in our careers.
So let me tell you about Sable. Sable came in to my husband’s side of the family about five years ago. His cousin, Amy, used to work at a center for kids in the foster system. Sable was one of those kids. She has two brothers and a sister, and was living with her mom. Mom is not working and also has issues with alcohol and drugs, as well as a few mental problems. Sable spent a lot of her first two or three years in a crib by herself, and had early development problems (talking, being around people, etc.). The province stepped in and Sable started going to this learning center, though custody was not taken away from mom.
Sable took to Amy and Amy started taking her on the weekends, with the mom’s permission. This went on for years and Sable has become a part time member of our family. She had to work through some emotional issues, but was slowly making progress.
Almost a year ago, the province finally took Sable and put her in to the foster system. Amy and her new husband filed for kinship custody and Sable moved in with them full time. Shortly after they took Sable in, Amy got pregnant with their first child. While Sable was doing really well in school (she is no longer in ‘special’ classes and is in regular class, consistently getting A’s in most of her schoolwork) and her behavior problems have gotten much better with therapy, her and Amy are like oil and water. They do not get along and are having a few issues.
About six months ago, Amy and her husband decided that they needed to focus on the new baby, so arranged for Sable to be moved in to another foster home just before the baby was born. While my husband and I don’t agree with this (poor kid is yet again being abandoned), it’s their decision. Sable moved to another foster home at the beginning of December, and the baby was born on December 31.
Also in the last few months, Amy and her husband have decided that if Sable does come up for adoption, they will not be adopting her. That’s where my husband and I come in. WE want to adopt her. I’ve had her for a day at a time over the last year, she stayed with us for a few days over Christmas, and then I had her again this past weekend. She’s a great kid, and has a ton of potential that will probably not be used if she ends up in the foster system. I know her chances of being adopted at nine years old are slim, and she’ll probably end up in foster homes until she’s an adult. Not a good life.
The province has filed for custody, but the mom has contested. Amy thinks the mom is contesting because it’s the ‘right’ thing to do, as she is not showing up for her visitation and Sable hasn’t seen her for months because of it (though they do talk on the phone occasionally). Either way, the court date is in April.
Here are my questions:
How hard is it going to be to make this kind of transition (for both her and us)?
If mom is contesting this, what are the chances the province will actually get custody of her?
What is/how hard is the process for adopting a foster child, if anyone has ever gone through it?
Do we need a lawyer ourselves, or is it handled through the province?