Tell me about boarding school

In My Humble Opinion
1

My SO and I just found out that his aunt and uncle are sending his 13 year old cousin (call him Sam) to military school this fall. Sam is the oldest of 4 kids and his younger siblings are triplets. He’s had lots of problems with anger control and bullying, and he’s said that he’s looking forward to going to military school.

Both the SO and I have a gut reaction against sending a child to military school, but I’ll admit that I don’t know much about them. Most of what I know about boarding schools comes from novels where boys do mean, horrible, psychologically scarring things to each other. I realize that this is more than likely not the case for most schools, though. So in the interest of satisfying my curiousity and easing my mind, tell me about your experiences with boarding/military schools. Let’s hear it, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

2

I wouldn’t balk at the idea of boarding school per se (one of my best friends went to boarding school, and remembers it fondly), but military school does kind of give me the heebie-jeebies… I’m not sure why.

Unfortunately, the information I have to offer you is limited; I taught at a summer boarding program a few summers ago and yes, there is the typical adolescent cruelty, but the worst thing that happened (other than kids injuring themselves, either deliberately or accidentally) was that some boys held down some other boys and shaved their asses on videotape.

I think that whether or not boarding school (in general) is a good idea depends upon the kid; whether or not he wants to go, whether or not he’ll feel as though he’s being “discarded”, etc. A lot depends upon how the parents have treated the kid thus far, and you know more than I on that topic.

If he wants to go, however, perhaps he realizes that he needs a new environment (or perhaps just wants to escape the old one)?

3

I don’t know about military boarding schools, but I worked at a private boarding school in Switzerland that was top notch, students and faculty LOVED it and return year after year to have a wander around the place. Several wealthy families have been sending their kids for generations and the environment is perfect for both “troubled” kids and independent souls.
If you can afford it, I would strongly recommend sending kids to such a school - there is structure, but at the same time, intellectual freedom to explore arts and sports and interpersonal relations.
That said, I am sure there are horror stories out there, and as I said, I am not all that familiar with the military schools (although come to think of it, an ex-boss of mine went to a military prep school back East and used to say how much he liked it.)
But depending on where you live and in what school district, I would find it hard to believe it could be any worse than your standard underfinanced, understaffed and over-crowded public school.
I still think Bush should have taken that stupid $300 rebate and given it to education, but I guess I am in the minority there.
So - my vote; forget the Hollywood movie version of boarding school and consider it an experience the kid most likely will remember fondly for the rest of his life.

4

I spent the best 7 years of my schooling at Brebner High School in Bloemfontien South Africa (trans: Flower Fountain).

I went there when I was in the equivalent of grade 6 and went right on through was 10 when I went.
Like I said Best darn years of my life, taught me a whole shed load of skills, Independance, how to wash and iron your clothes (by hand) taught me bartering skills :slight_smile: hehe trade with the other kids for goodies that they did not want for stuff that you did not want (foodstuffs)
Made some great friends, taught me responsibilty, when I screwed up, my parents could not come and fight for me - It was my screw up - I fessed to it - and I sorted it out.

Sadly I think the school is no more as I remember it - Looked it up on the net a few months ago - and it is only a junior school now - that is sad.

But, If I had kids - you can certainly bet that they would go to a boarding school for a couple of years - to teach em the whole learn for yourself thing.

Military school - I have no concept of - While I live in the US now - SA did not have that - they had a thing called Boys Town which was scrict dicsapline for juvinile delinquents etc…

But
sigh… (fond memories)
Kilroy

5

It’s good to hear that folks have had positive experiences. Like auntie em, it’s more the military aspect that creeps me out. Right now, Sam goes to a fairly good public school in Charlotte, NC, and the boarding school decision seems based on his behavioral problems rather than dissatisfaction with local schools. I do think it will be good for him to get away from the triplets. They’re sweet and loving kids, but being triplets (and at a younger, cuter age than Sam) do get most of the attention.

Any other boarding/military school stories out there?

6

I boarded my last three years at my high school - Westtown School. The boarding option is available for ninth grade and tenth grade - you are required to board your junior and senior years.

I’ll start by saying that boarding school and military school are different animals. All I can talk about is boarding school. Specifically my boarding school.

Westtown is a Quaker co-educational school located near West Chester, in south-east Pennsylvania, on about 600 acres. The boarding requirement is to create a community of the students and the faculty, many of whom live on campus. Being forced to share so much with all of these people helps develop valuable coping skills. Also gets you prepared for college because you know how to do laundry and deal with a roommate.

The Quaker part is critical as well. Quakers try to resolve problems through consenus - so most discliplinary actions are the result of (sometimes) long discussins by the disclipline council, which consists of the deans, some faculty, and students. They will discuss the students past behavior, extenuating circumstances, comments from the advisor before making a decision. No “zero tolerance” decisions.

Another benefit is that the school day is extended, so there is time after classes for sports (which were required) instead of shoehorning them into the academic schedule. There is a required study time at night, and proctored study halls for students that need the additional structure.

Downsides:

  1. The food isn’t always very good, although their menus have improved substantially in recent years because of the rise in vegetarian students.
  2. Group showers and bathrooms.
  3. Hard to escape roomates from hell and obnoxious neighbors.
  4. Rules.

My parents said that the best part is that the school becomes the bad guy - the one that enforces rules and deals with the tumults of adolesence. They became a welcome refuge - imagine, kids wanting to spend time with their parents. To be fair, there were some kids who were there because the situation at home forced them to be, and they acted out at the school.

It must work because they have an incredibly faithful alumni network - and an annual alumni day that brings thousands back to campus each year.

I have many fond memories of my time there - pulling pranks late at night, making deep friendships, learning from really good teachers, learning and developing in sports (which was never my strongest area) to the point where I can think of myself as athletic. And an indescribable feeling of belonging to something larger than just me.

We hope to have our sons attend Westtown - or someplace like it. I think that it is valuable for teenagers to be allowed to discover who they are and where they fit into society away from their parents. It can be odd to have teachers who taught your brother or sister (or mother or uncle) but because that is a common situation there, the faculty try extra hard not to do that.

In the end, boarding school is a personal decision. Some kids do well, some don’t, some look like they won’t do well and end up flourishing.

7

I went to a military school as a kid and it has advantages and disadvantages.

On the plus side I got a better education, learned to study my subjects thoroughly and with understanding, and learned a lot about self discipline, self control, and self reliance.

On the negative side there IS bullying and bullies at military schools, and with a very few exceptions, the situation became worse instead of better. My particular school pretty much let the student COs run things, which often as not turned out to be bad for some poor uncoordinated slob. I can still hear my roomie screaming and crying during a blanket party given by some of the stronger kids.

It really depends on the style of military school the boy will be attending. If it is well supervised by the staff, with the occasional intervention by the students for a particlarly bad example, then it should be okay.

If, on the other hand, much of the cadet corps is handled by the student COs with the teachers stepping in only when someone really gets the hell beat out of them, then I would suspect it’s a bad choice for this particlar boy. He will likely thrive in this enviornment at the expense of a weaker students.

I’m not intimating that my particular school was a horrible nightmare of physical and psychological abuse, but it happened, and it was the result of poor management by the school authorities. It’s one thing to give power and teach responsibility, and quite another to give it and not guide its use.

The best advice I can give is to tell the parents to talk to the STUDENTS and see what they are like. What’s thier attitude? How do they look and act? You can generally tell the swagger of a total bastard from the swagger of a happy and confident kid pretty easily. They want him in the happy and confident kid school.

8

[slight hijack]

epeepunk, I’m a big fan of Quaker schools. I taught for a second at a Friends school in Philly, and the experience–the kids, the faculty, the whole bag–completely spoiled me for teaching. I have since held practically every adolescent I’ve ever met up to those standards. :slight_smile:

(The only thing that kind of weirded me out was that 50-minutes-of-silence thing. I was substituting for an English class, and some of the kids asked me if I would go to “Meeting” (which took place after that class, but as a sub I wasn’t required to go) with them. I thought that it would be really relaxing, really refreshing, really… groovy, to sit with my thoughts for the better part of an hour. As it turned out, it made me kind of twitchy and twirly. But I’d be willing to give it another shot.)

[/slight hijack]

I think also that you brought up a really good point about boarding school, which is that it does create relationships between teachers and students that don’t exist in a regular school environment. I mean, in a day school (most especially a public day school), I think there tends to be more of a division between teacher and student. In a boarding environment, however, teachers and students are a part of each other’s lives outside of class; kids hang out at the teacher’s house, have dinner with the teacher, sit on the teacher’s couch knowing that the teacher is off taking a shit during the long commercial break in the middle of Gilmore Girls. I think that ultimately this makes for a really cool academic environment.