As the mother of three lively sons, I’ve often considered as a option the vague notion of military school. Well, really only for my youngest. Og knows I’ve tried, and he’s not really a bad kid- not at all- he’s just… misguided, sometimes. He’s nine now, and still able to be controlled to a manageable degree, but I do worry about his teen years. His older brothers are sailing relatively trouble-free through theirs, and well on their way to honorable and respectable manhoods, but boy do I worry about that youngest one.
He racks disciprine.
What is military school, anyway? Does it cost a lot? Are there scholarships? Have you ever been to military school, or know anyone who has- if so, what was it like and did it help? Is it a viable option for someone without a mental disorder, just a need for a rigorous schedule and strict discipline? Would you ever consider it?
I have been in the military but I did not go to a military school Here is the site for Valley Forge Military Academy. I know a few people that went there. I think it goes from 7th grade into college. I know a few people who were in their college program. You go there two years as a cadet (freshman and sophomore in college). When you complete those two years you get commissioned as a 2nd lieutenant in the Army. You go into a National Guard unit and have to enroll in a university to complete your degree. Once you complete the degree you become a fulltime Army officer.
Sorry that doesn’t help. But the website might give you an idea of what you are asking about.
I did learn that I could send him to a summer camp and see how that goes, so it was helpful. I would like to hear some first-hand stories, though, of what it’s like to be there, if anybody has experience.
Yes. I was sent to a military school for a few years in high school because I “lacked discipline” and needed “structure” - the reality was that my parents were both military and didn’t understand methods of parenting other than a totally authoritarian approach, which did not work with me. I wasn’t particularly bad, but they were worried about my grades in school (C’s, when I had shown that I could get straight A’s).
The military school was basically a normal private school, but with a full military structure - formations, ranks, uniforms, boarding on-premises in a remote area hours away from home, with every last minute of each day’s schedule micromanaged and subject to rules.
It was horrible. I’ve never been more unhappy in my life, and I hope to never be as unhappy again. I was suicidal for most of the first year, and quietly despondent for the entirety of the second. It’s probably unfair to make the comparison, but I feel that I at least have a fair inkling of what being in jail would be like.
The one thing that I’d point out to you as a parent is that the vast majority of the kids there were juvenile delinquents that had either been kicked out of their normal public schools or the “bad seeds” of rich families. As a relatively normal kid without any particular behavior problems, I was exposed to a lot of horrible things (drugs, sex, lots of violence) for the first time that I would not have been exposed to back in my public school.
Feel free to ask away if you have any particular questions about the experience.
(on the upside, I did graduate with a 4.0 and got into a very prestigious university :rolleyes: )
Yikes. As an exceptionally sensitive young man, I’m thinking he wouldn’t do well in an environment like that, then. That sounds horrible.
**QTM’**s site mentioned as an alternative “emotional growth” schools… now that sounds comforting, doesn’t it? And no military bent to it. I’ll have to look into that if the need ever arises.
My brother attended Greenbrier Military Academy for a few years, and seemed happy enough there. He chose to go - the local schools weren’t challenging and our uncle ran the Food Service for the school. I won’t say he came back very changed, but he did okay in public school when he came back. He joined the Navy SEALs straight out of HS.
Oh, come on. Everybody knows that a real brother of a Navy SEAL would never mention casually to strangers on a message board that their brother was a Navy SEAL. Liar!
Actually, the military might be a good idea for him later on, provided we’re not at war at the time (I could never allow that for my children must not die until after I do) and he outgrows his severe ADD. It’s controlled now (for the most part), but I think it should be completely gone before we handle weaponry.
Yeah…sounds awful. Ok, maybe the violence does.
“Sending the kids off to boarding/military school” has been a long standing parental cop-out for upper middle class and wealthy families for decades. Shit, if you have enough money, send them to boarding school and summer camp until they go off to college. They will thank you (probably while you’re sleeping).
I’m a product of public schools, however I went to college with a lot of kids who graduated from boarding schools and military academies. The fact is that it will NOT solve your kids discipline problems. They will simply become the schools problem (so long as your kid doesn’t get kicked out). There are plenty of fuckups in those schools who get involved with drugs and alchohol and end up hating hteir parents. Then again, there are a lot of kids in those schools who embrace the challanges and discipline.
I have to imagine that similar to military colleges like The Citidel and West Point, many of the legitimate academies don’t tolerate fuckups for very long.
Alice The Goon , I’m not a “parent” or anything, but my advice for you is to help your kid find some positive activities he can take an interest in.
Yeah, well, calm down. I just wanted some personal experiences with it, the straight dope on the situation, if you will… I haven’t started packing him up yet. Just curious- is that allowed? As for his interests- what do you mean I can’t tie him to his bed and feed him bread and water all day every day? He has interests, okay?
A quick browse of their link to the “emotional growth” schools led to a site that seemed to think evangelical Christian boarding schools were the only answer. :dubious:
The OP really ought to be more specific about this situation. You’ve said almost nothing about what your kid is actually like and what kind of personality he has. In what specific ways does he lack discipline?
Is he a rough-and-ready outdoors knock-around kind of guy, or a stay in his room and read comic books kid? Is the discipline problem that he’s not doing well in school? A lot of young kids do badly in school when they’re 9 years old, it doesn’t have to mean anything. Is he socially maladjusted? Difficult for other kids to get along with? How does his existence compare to that of your older kids when they were his age?
What exactly is the trouble with him?
If he just needs something to do in life besides go to school, I’d say make him play a sport. It might take a while before he tries the right one. As a kid, I tried a lot of sports but none of them really captured my interest until I played hockey in 5th grade. It turned out, I just needed more violence than the average kid. Contact sports allow kids to channel that violence into something positive. It also teaches discipline and good heath.
His main problem right now is defiance. I can’t tell you why he is this way- his older brothers highly respect me as a parent but him, not so much. We are dealing effectively with his ADD, but he has an attitude concerning my authority over him that I haven’t been able to convince him is actually to his great detriment. A little more complicated than that, but the bottom line is that in 9 years I’ve not been able to convey to him that I’m the boss, and maybe I never will, and we may have to look into alternatives. Maybe some day soon something in his brain will click and he will accept my authority the way his brothers always have, but then again he may not. We go to therapy. He has interests, is involved with programs, therapies, social workers… so we are working on it. Sometimes I feel like if I could just get him into that one right thing for him, that will give him a purpose and something to work towards, that might pull him through. Could be military stuff, or karate, or whatever, but strict discipline and routines seem to work well for him.
