Me too.
This was the case with several of my classmates as well, many of whom ended up getting kicked out for various reasons, myself included. Those that really wanted to be there did great, but sending troubled kids off to get ‘straightened out’ rarely works, IMHO.
Please click on these two links and see if the numbers speak for themselves:
list of current military schools
list of militarty schools now closed
If it were 20 years ago, I’d say this was due to post-Vietnam anti-militarism. But the conclusion I’d draw now is that when something doesn’t work, it goes out of business.
I don’t have much time so I am going to sprint through this. I apologize if I seem to be a bit abrupt.
I attended a military school when I was young. I enjoyed it. I chose to do it. The military seemed interesting and I felt that a military school provided some interesting alternatives.
Academically I felt it was excellent. The stuff I learned there basically got me through high school a a good bit of college. The descipline was not exceptionally onerous; marching to class, room inspections (bounce the silver dollar on the bed - the whole nine yards), saluting teachers when entering the classroom, marching off gigs in the quad.
I learned a lot about myself and I learned a lot of other neat stuff. I was not a problem child at home, but I knew a few that were who were at the school and they seemed to do reasonably well. It did not seem to crush any creative instinct in them or me for that matter. The summer at the military school might be good. It would seem to offer a “getting your (and his) feet wet” sort of thing.
Our biggest problem is that he has a hard time taking no for an answer. I’ve been strict, consistent, etc. In some ways he is a “brat”, which can only really be my fault, I know, but he has a medical history, so maybe I did/do coddle him a bit… but I’m trying to rectify that in a lot of ways.
I have a 9 year old boy, #3 kid; he’s a pain in the ass. Good kid, good person, but just aimless. School is tolerated, and he does B work, but doesn’t care to be there. Sports are tolerated, but not highly interested in. His default position when under stress, or in new experiences is “I don’t care.” I wish I could help him find his passion. We just keep on trying.
I think that wilderness programs and boarding schools are now used for the reasons that military schools were used in the past. I’ll post more later when I have time.
My oldest son is 9 and is starting to act like this. (He’s got ADHD, as well; coincidence?) I don’t know what to do. He takes an excessive amount of our time having to manage him, which is not only not fair to his two younger siblings, he’s also setting a bad example for them.
I want to get him into therapy, make him go to “boot camp”… something. It’s a cop out for all these armchair psychologists to pontificate about parents needing to provide structure, discipline, consistency, etc. We do that; we have to do that, but we’re having to do it far more than should be necessary for one kid.
I am calm. My point is that boarding school is not a magic cure for discipline problems and in certain cases can make them much worse.
As for interests, I mean structured activities that involve other people and require dedication and commitment. Some of the other posters have suggesting things like martial arts and ice hockey. But don’t force him to do things that he has no interest in or try to overschedule him.
Basically, the idea is that if you think your kid needs more discipline, try putting him into something that requires discipline.
Maybe try sending him off to a regular summer camp instead of a military school summer camp? My parents sent my brother and me off to camp when we were kids. I was against the idea at first (4 weeks with NO TV?!!) but it was really the best thing ever and certainly a lot better than spending the whole summer hanging around town and watching TV all day. It was still very structured - meals at fixed times, organized cabin, living group and camp level activities, athletics, etc. Just without all the military bullshit.
And a regular boarding school may also not be bad, depending on what his problem is. In retrospect, I would have probably benefitted from going to prep school. The kids who go to those schools are a lot closer to the types of people I ended up assocating with once I went to college and after I graduated. Plus it would have gotten me away from my parents who annoyed the shit out of me.
I have zero experience with military schools. However, I had an older brother that could not take no for an answer. He defied my mother every chance he got. The bad news? He ended up going to prison because he assumed that everyone was as lenient and malleable as good ol’ Mom. The good news? We got him in a rehab prison that recognized the first thing they had to do with him was teach him to accept no and say no. For weeks, he wasn’t allowed to say yes to damn near anything. Example: “Hey Man, can I borrow your pen?” If he said yes, he got creatively punished. Understand, the entire prison was in on it. Imagine hundreds of people TRYING to get you to screw up, for your benefit. The great news? He got fixed, he’s never been back and is now a great guy.
I have to say though, wilderness camp sounds awesome! Especially for a kid that age. The only class my brother ever attended was the agriculture class. My nephew has been in boy scouts since he was about that age. With all the survival type shows on TV, it may be something he would be into. I’m a big fan of getting kids outside to learn about the world. 4-H, agribusiness, making compost, riding horses, etc. It makes the rules not seem so arbitrary. If you don’t water a seed, it won’t grow, no matter how much of a fit you throw.
If you live in a city, you may want to look into a co-op farm thingy. You get a plot of land and take care of it.
A friend’s daughter was sent to something similar for a year. Helped her out quite a bit.
Missed the edit window the second time.
From what I understand, this 17-year-old was in sort of a combination Juvie/school/mental facility.
Your kid doesn’t sound too different from me when I was his age. He’s only nine now; there’s no telling what he’s going to be like when he actually does hit his teens almost half a decade from now, or even what he’ll be like a year from now. I was an angry kid in middle school, then I chilled the hell out and became a very calm guy in high school. Usually only made good enough grades to get by, but took the smart classes and my teachers and friends liked me.
I’ve seen the boarding/military school approach several times (been threatened with it my share too, heh) and I’m inclined to agree with msmith. Too often that tactic is handled like (and seen as, regardless) of passing your kid on for someone else to deal with. Most military schools, juvenile boot camps, etc. are a legalized form of child abuse anyway (opinion). I’ve seen some girls come out of boarding school all kinds of crazied up (anecdotal). But some discipline can be a good thing for a guy, when I finally got some it helped me out (however, I wasn’t shipped away at ten years old), so maybe it might help him out. Who knows. A good summer camp at an outdoors place or something sounds like it might be fun for the guy maybe.
Militarty schools? Is that where they trained the camp-followers?
Is that in Lewisburg, WV? I had an uncle who went there.
Summer camp, most are pretty butch. 
I went to military school for a few years, it was a very gothic, Hogwarts kind of place, with horses. Certainly long enough to learn that some kids wanted to be there, and some kids didn’t. The kids who wanted to be there (or were at least ambivalent about it) did all right. The kids who didn’t, almost never lasted the year.
I could go on and on about the place, it was very influential on my life, in good ways as well as bad.
Hey there, Alice,
I went to an all boys military boarding school from 7th - 12th grades. I was not a bad kid - - it was a family tradition thing. I basically had a good time there, still keep up with some of my classmates, and have considered sending my sons there if we’re out of local options and also win the lottery (more later).
As you can tell from some of the posts here, the philosophy of the school is very important. Some military schools (and regular boarding schools) are set up for problem kids as a treatment for “juvenile delinquency.” Others, like the one I attended, do not allow JD kids at all. At my old school, students would have to earn an invitation to return for the next year, and kids who were continual troublemakers didn’t get asked back. So… research the school and see what their policy is with JD kids, see what their college placement rate is and see which colleges the kids go on to. That should go a long way into weeding out less desirable ones. And ix-nay on the co-ed ones. It’s just a bad idea for that age.
As for structure, the days at military school are, as others have said, very regimented. Twenty five years later you can give me a time and I can tell you with pretty good accuracy what I was doing at then. (For right now, I was in fourth period class before lunch.) A boy at such a school can be expected to be told when to get up; will march to breakfast, have classes, march to lunch, have afternoon classes, have afternoon activities, march to supper, have some free time, have about 2 hours of guided or independent study hall, have some free time, and then have lights out. Our days started at 5:45 am if you wanted a morning shower and ended at 9:45 pm.
Depending on the school and his activities, he can expect rationed free time. At my old school, non-varsity athletes got free time on Wednesday afternoon (varsity guys had practice). Everyone got free time Friday night, Saturday after lunch, Saturday night, and Sunday afternoon after the formal review formation. Boys with higher rank (more later) earned dinner permits that allowed them to skip the meal at school and go into town to eat (paid for with their own savings).
Along with structure, he’ll get demerits or tours or gigs or some other form of stratified consequences for not following rules. Being late isn’t tolerated. Messy rooms are out of the question. Not doing homework. Cursing (if caught). Disobeying. Unshined shoes, unshined brass. Systems vary, but at my old school low level infractions earned a boy 1 tour, mid level infractions were 5 tours, high level ones were 10 tours, and disobeying or other serious offenses warranted “x” tours - - which was between 30 and 50. Boys with tours had to attend study hall for a set period of time for each tour instead of getting free time on Weds, Friday evening, and Saturday afternoon. Some boys would be selected for work details (light duty - - raking, sweeping, etc.) on Saturday. Everyone got free time on Saturday nights and Sunday afternoon.
Boys who were good students and good at following the rules were rewarded with rank. Everyone started as a recruit and worked their way up. The highest you could get your freshman year was private first class. Top sophomores topped out at buck sergeant at the end of the that year. Juniors could get up into the sergeant first class territory, and seniors in key leadership positions (company commanders - - analagous to dorm proctors - - and platoon leaders - - analagous to floor proctors) would be lieutenants and captains.
With rank came extra privileges, but also leadership responsibilities. Leaders were expected to enforce rules when faculty were not around and were expected to set a good example at all times.
Schools vary, but you should be looking for a good mix of academic, athletic (varsity and non-varsity sports), and extracurricular activities. Good schools should have solid academics, sports for all levels of ability/interest, and plenty of other things to do such as drama club, flying lessons, outings club, computers, etc., etc.
As for expense, you can expect to pay a lot. The school I attended lists on its web page that tuition and fees are $28,000 per year. There are scholarships at that school and financial aid, but there are no full-ride awards that I know of. If you’re interested in the school I attended, please send me a pm or email.
My $.02-worth - - the kid is 9 and is probably going through a phase.
I would make very damn sure of any prospective school’s policy on hazing.
My own cousin was sent to military schools to “make a man of him.” Instead of that, the hazing he went through made him a very troubled person.
For the record, he was sent to a military high school whose name I no longer remember and then to Texas A&M back when it was an all-male, all ROTC state supported college. In those days A&M all but encouraged hazing and it was open season on underclassmen.
Jesus. he’s nine. NINE. Does he really need a passion just yet?
Agreed 100 percent. From everything the OP’s written, it seems that the child really has no problem at all. He just needs to grow up. That’s it.