Tell me about the roommate system in the US

[BeeGee]

I think there are two different things being discussed. Dormmates and apartment/flatmates.
I can answer for the University of Texas dorms which are pretty standard. The dorms (most of them) are owned by the University. You apply for a space in the dorm of your choice. There are single, double, and triple rooms. The more people in the room, the cheaper the per person cost. If you have a friend you want to room with, they will do their best to accommodate you. But, yes, you can be assigned a complete stranger to share a room with. Bathrooms might be shared in a suite of two or three rooms. OR they might be communal showers for the hall/wing.

The US used to have single room dorms as a rule before WWI like the rest of the world. During WWI, flight and radio schools sprang up on college campuses. After WWI, people who hadn’t ever considered college before began enrolling. Lack of dorm space meant doubling up. Eventually, that became the standard rather than the exception since so many were trying to keep college costs down.
For apartments, you chose who to live with. Two people sharing an apartment can afford more space with better amenities. If we’re talking college age students, four students may share a two bedroom apartment sleeping two to a room to keep costs down. Post college, it’s very rare to find two people platonically sharing a single room. Right out of college, many people continue having a roommate for money reasons or because they feel lonely living alone. I have a co-worker who has a platonic roommate. He can afford a better apartment with a roommate than he could on his own. He’s in his twenties. It’s not the norm, but it’s not unheard of for a professional several years out of college.

Austin is expensive. $1250 a month is the median for a one bedroom apartment. So lots of people with lower paying jobs pretty much have to have roommates.

[GreenElf]

I had couple of dorm mates. One of them was quite odd, and I eventually made him get his own dorm room down the hall and spent the remainder of the school year with my own dorm room. I lived in an off-campus apartment during my senior year, and advertised for a roommate. It was a one bedroom so the bedroom would be shared. When I showed a guy the room, he asked where we would sleep and I pointed to my right for me and to my left for him. I guess it was a small bedroom and he got a dismayed look on his face like I was gay and propositioning him :rolleyes: and immediately left. The next guy who looked at it had roommates before and suggested that we talk with the landlord about renting a two bedroom. There just happened to be a 2 BDR opening up down the hall, so we shared the flat there.

[Drunky_Smurf]

@MandaJo

Where do they live for decades while waiting on an apartment? At what age does the average Dutch city dweeler get their first apartment on their own?

I was wondering this too. Do Dutch kids just stay with their parents until their 40s when they finally get their own apt.?

[Eva_Luna]

@Tom_Tildrum

I think there are plenty of US colleges where it’s typical for the dorm experience to extend past one’s freshman year, too.

Mine sure did, because who can afford to rent an apartment in Manhattan?

[Ravenman]

@jasg

No cite, but from accounts I have read, in roadside inns, you might even share a bed with a stranger.

“Dear Penthouse Times-Picayune, although I ne’er portended these events to transpire involving mineself…”

[Really_Not_All_That_Bright]

I think they called a penthouse a garret back then.

[John_Mace]

@Maastricht

Our Dutch city dwellers may have tiny apartments, ( and I mean TINY!) and may have to be on a waiting list for decades to get one, but when they do, it is theirs alone.

What do they do during the “decades” they are on the waiting list?

[kenobi_65]

@Tom_Tildrum

I think there are plenty of US colleges where it’s typical for the dorm experience to extend past one’s freshman year, too.

It was in my experience (which, admittedly, is 3 decades old now).

I attended the University of Wisconsin-Madison, and wound up living in the dorms for 4 years. I was a bit of an outlier, though not that unusual; UW had several dorms which were primarily “singles” (i.e., rooms that you didn’t need to share; at that time, most of the UW’s dorm rooms were “doubles”, shared by two people), and getting a “single” was a matter of seniority within the list of dorm residents; usually, one could not get into a single until you were a junior or senior. I finally qualified for a single as a junior.

I would guess that, in my time there, 60% or so of dorm residents were freshman, 25-30% were sophomores, and the rest were upperclassmen.

As a freshman, you typically got assigned a roommate by the housing department – you could request a roommate (and I had two high school classmates who requested one another, and were granted that request), but it was generally seen to be part of the “college experience” to learn to deal with a stranger as a roommate. A large number of the people who lived in the dorms after their freshman years either (a) had roommates whom they’d requested, or (b) were in single dorm rooms.

[Dewey_Finn]

We’ve had other threads on US colleges, and based on the discussion in those threads, the US is unusual in having colleges in which students live in dorms away from their families. In other countries, people apparently commute from their parents’ house while attending college or they live in flats/apartments that they rent on their own.

But I believe the stereotypical full-time “residential college” experience is not one that most Americans have. Many Americans also attend commuter college and also many Americans attend college part-time or as mature adults. It’s just that going away to college right after high school has been mythologized in movies and television.

[msmith537]

@Maastricht

A curious difference between the Netherlands and the US, is how accepting American people are of having to share a dorm room or apartment.

Even the poorest of Dutch people are not expected to share living quarters with a non-family roommate. In fact, people on welfare get fined if they share living quarters. Our Dutch city dwellers may have tiny apartments, ( and I mean TINY!) and may have to be on a waiting list for decades to get one, but when they do, it is theirs alone.

Older student dorms may share a communal toilet, kitchen, living room. Very few have shared bathshower stalls. But everyone has their own room for living and sleeping.

How come everyone in the US is so accepting of having a bunk mate? I do think there are advantages to the US system, (no loneliness) but it just surprises me.

There’s no room mate “system” in the US for anyone who is out of college. People can buy or rent whatever sort of home or apartment they can afford wherever they can afford to live. Whether or not they choose to have or be a room mate is their own decision, but ultimately up to whoever’s name is on the lease / mortgage.

Young people right out of college often have room mates to save money and for company. Particularly if they live in a major city But typically as one gets older, the trend is to either live by yourself or move in with a SO.

[amarinth]

@even_sven

Agreed that the only place where having a person share a bedroom is in college dorms.

Apparently, housing prices in SF & Silicon Valley are high enough that people are paying for bunk bed space.
For most people who consider themselves “middle class,” sharing a bedroom with an unrelated non-SO adult is pretty much unheard of, unless you’re young and broke and just starting out.

[Maastricht]

@MandaJo

Where do they live for decades while waiting on an apartment? At what age does the average Dutch city dweeler get their first apartment on their own?

Well, the waiting list is for county subsidized housing. That kind of housing is cheap, good, the upkeep is good, and the houses are often in a prized central location. Most people enroll on that waiting list when they leave their parent’s home. The might be eligble for such housing 7 to 15 years later. In the meantime, they live in a university dorm, or they rely on the commercial rental market, which has prices similar to the one’s quoted here ( adjusted for the average Dutch income)

@An_Gadai

Oodles of people in Ireland flat/house share. I do it myself. I pay €450 per month for the privilege of living with three other people. We all have our own rooms and bathrooms though. Ages 33-43.

See, and that is not done all that much in the Netherlands. I’m sure many people would like to, to share costs and for the social aspect. It would reduce housing scarcity, too. But if people are on welfare, they get ( a lot) less. The Dutch welfare system seems to have only two categories: single ( = full benefits) or living together, in a relationship. Flatmates are not an known category. If in a relationship, your partner is supposed to help with your expenses and your benefits are reduced.

I have a friend, a single mom, who is on welfare. She has recently gotten a boyfriend, who has his own apartment. But if he stays over four nights a week, or longer, she will get a fine.

@Hari_Seldon

I am kind of surprised by the OP. It just seemed normal to me since that is what people did.

See, different cultures. For a Dutch person, and apparently for Australians too, it is not customary at all to share sleeping quarters. OTOH, Americans seem to have a strong preference for a private bathroom, and whiel Dutch students do have private rooms, kitchens and bathrooms are shared.

@Urbanredneck

Many people own homes that are expensive and to earn some money, rent out an extra bedroom or maybe the attic to someone. I once owned a 3 bedroom home and rented out a room to someone and that paid half of my mortgage.

In the Netherlands that is allowed, but only for students, not for people on welfare. And if you rent out more then one or two rooms, the situation becomes less favourable, tax-wise.

[doreen]

@Maastricht

Well, the waiting list is for county subsidized housing. That kind of housing is cheap, good, the upkeep is good, and the houses are often in a prized central location. Most people enroll on that waiting list when they leave their parent’s home. The might be eligble for such housing 7 to 15 years later. In the meantime, they live in a university dorm, or they rely on the commercial rental market, which has prices similar to the one’s quoted here ( adjusted for the average Dutch income)

But that’s where people in the US have roommates for the most part- the commercial rental market. Not in government-subsidized housing. For example, my son and three friends rent a four-bedroom apartment. Each of them has their own room and they each pay a quarter of the rent. They all work and can afford $525/month to share a 4 bedroom, but either can’t afford or don’t want to pay the minimum $1000 to rent a studio. The government wouldn’t get involved at all unless it violated zoning laws* or if the landlord wasn’t declaring the rental income.

@Maastricht

See, and that is not done all that much in the Netherlands. I’m sure many people would like to, to share costs and for the social aspect. It would reduce housing scarcity, too. But if people are on welfare, they get ( a lot) less. The Dutch welfare system seems to have only two categories: single ( = full benefits) or living together, in a relationship. Flatmates are not an known category. If in a relationship, your partner is supposed to help with your expenses and your benefits are reduced.

Flatmates aren’t a known category in the US either, at least not for cash assistance (which includes rent) And in my city , neither are relationships other than marriage. Your friend would get roughly the same amount of money if her boyfriend or her sister moved into her non-subsidized apartment. The only possible adjustment would be to the rent- if she was getting $500 a month for rent before, and her share went down to $300 her rental assistance would be capped at $300.( Those are made-up numbers). SNAP ( often referred to as food stamps) looks at who is in a household as far as shared purchasing and preparation of food. For example, here is an answer on a FAQ regarding SNAP

Example: Jane and Steve are roommates who share an apartment. Both have jobs, Jane works part-time. They occasionally eat a meal together, but they buy, prepare and consume the majority of their food (more than 11 meals a week) separately. Jane and Steve can be separate SNAP households. Even if they share a bedroom—unless they are legally married—they can be separate SNAP households.

Example: Sally is a single mother with one child. She is 25 years old and shares an apartment with her sister. Sally pays half of the rent and she purchases and prepares most of her own food for herself and her child. She uses her sister’s kitchen. Sally can be a separate SNAP household.

@Maastricht

In the Netherlands that is allowed, but only for students, not for people on welfare. And if you rent out more then one or two rooms, the situation becomes less favourable, tax-wise.

What about people who are neither students nor on welfare? Are they allowed to rent a spare room or share an apartment or must they live with their parents until they can afford an entire apartment on their own?

• This would involve things like renting the underground basement as a separate apartment in a legal one-family house , not renting a legal four-bedroom apartment to four friends rather than a couple with three kids.

[amarinth]

@Maastricht

See, and that is not done all that much in the Netherlands. I’m sure many people would like to, to share costs and for the social aspect. It would reduce housing scarcity, too.

I’m seeing what I’d consider roommate ads on craigslist - is that just thought of as something weird that only foreigners would use?

Also, it may matter that in the US, there’s a huge gap between “earning so little that you’re on welfare” and “earning enough to comfortably pay rent on a studio apartment in a major city.” If those two numbers are closer together (or even overlap) in the Netherlands - that might add to some of the confusion here.

[Ruken]

@amarinth

Also, it may matter that in the US, there’s a huge gap between “earning so little that you’re on welfare” and “earning enough to comfortably pay rent on a studio apartment in a major city.” If those two numbers are closer together (or even overlap) in the Netherlands - that might add to some of the confusion here.

Section 8 is what, 5MM households? Out of 123MM, so less than 5 percent. There may be other programs.

Do we know how many youngish people even have jobs/school near their parents here in the U.S. vs other countries?

[Urbanredneck]

Its also safer for a female to have a roommate.

[Melbourne]

@WF_Tomba

In the 19th Century, Americans often shared beds with their roommates. I wonder when that practice finally died out?

In the 20th Century (late 1940’s) my aunt shared a single bed with two other women, in an apartment shared with the owner. New York. Shift work, so they weren’t normally all at home at the same time: if they were, they slept head-to-heel.

[Urbanredneck]

Back then bedrooms were often not heated.

[Barrett_Bonden]

@Melbourne

In the 20th Century (late 1940’s) my aunt shared a single bed with two other women, in an apartment shared with the owner. New York. Shift work, so they weren’t normally all at home at the same time: if they were, they slept head-to-heel.

Why head-to-heel? I’ve shared beds with other women, and never once wished I could be up close and personal with their feet.

[GreenElf]

Actually, I always had the opposite picture in my mind, of Europeans sleeping twelve to a bed, something to do with hostels. We Americans buy our McMansions as soon as we can afford them, but tolerate a “roommate” or two until then.