Tell me about trying to have a baby.

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’ve been with my fiance for 7 years, and during the last 5, we have never been ‘not trying’, as in, we don’t use protection, but we didn’t chart or anything. For the past year, I’ve been charting my temperature and we’ve been sort of timing everything to when I ovulate.

Both him and I have had the standard tests and he’s normal, and I ovulate (according to my hormones).

But we’re not getting pregnant. I think there may be other issues at play, perhaps scarred tubes or no eggs being actually released.

We want children of our own (our sperm and our egg), but we’re open to fertility drugs, and adoption.

Anyone in a similar situation care to share their story, the route(s) they decided to take, and what the outcome was/is?

2

We tried for three years. Tests were fine for both of us - he wasn’t Captain Spermcount and I had some lower hormone levels - but nothing that should have stopped us from conceiving. They did ultrasounds, fertilized a hamster egg with my husbands sperm, did an endometrial biopsy, exploratory surgery, shot dye through my fallopian tubes looking for blockage. We did a few cycles of Clomid and then of Fertinex. Then the drugs were making me insane and we adopted from Korea. Then had our surprise bio daughter. Which DOES NOT happen often.

3

Wow! Well, congratulations!

4

How did the hamster-baby turn out?

5

Woah, woah…what? So are there are half hamster, half **Mr Dangerosa **hybrids running around out there somewhere?:stuck_out_tongue:

Seriously though, I’ve never heard of that before. What was the purpose behind that particular test?

6

I wasn’t even aware a man could make love to a hamster.

7

True, it is usually gerbils.

8

My wife and I went this same path – “not trying/not preventing” for a couple of years, then actively trying with temperature charting and all that for a year or so. Finally, we we’re checked out medically, and it was revealed that my wife had a bicornuate uterus as well as severe endometriosis.

She had surgery to clear out as much of the endometriosis as they could, and reconstructive surgery on her uterus to make it a more hospitable environment for a baby to grow. After a few months we we’re given the green light to start trying again. Within a year, The Littlest Briston joined the family.

“Standard tests” are great – any time they can rule out potential causes it help the diagnosis. Now you’ve just got to ride your doctor* until they find some answers.

*On preview: Not literally.

9

It’s apparently one of the ways to test for infertility in a man:

Huh. Learn something new every day!

10

My wife and I had similar problems. Nothing should be wrong, but nothing was happening. We did the usual progression: Clomid -> Intrauterine insemination -> IVF. IVF worked the second time. There are a lot of injections, but I think everyone agrees that it’s worth it. (Well, I didn’t have to get the injections!) I assume you have an infertility doctor? They usually have classes where they explain everything.

11

And no, they didn’t test my sperm on a hamster (manster?). I’d never heard of that before today either.

12

We had conception difficulties, eventually found that I was not ovulating regularly. Clomid did the trick for my first pregnancy. Second pregnancy happened without Clomid, but ended in a mid-2nd-trimester miscarriage. Third pregnancy again used Clomid or something similar, and resulted in live birth.

I often wondered, “why me?” Every other woman in several generations of both sides of my parents’ families seemed to conceive all too readily, resulting in several real surprises. When I started researching all the things that could get in the way, most of them female issues, I began to be surprised that anyone ever conceived at all.

13

Mrs. Homie and I didn’t try, but didn’t prevent it, for about 6 years. We got an initial fertility workup that said she was fine, and my sperm count was quite low, but not alarmingly so. We had ruled out fertility treatments before we said “I do,” so we went to a couple of adoption seminars and decided adoption wasn’t for us. I did some research on the childfree movement, had a heart to heart with Mrs. Homie, and got a vasectomy. We are happily childfree* almost three years later.

I don’t mean to discourage you - if you are 100% behind it and your heart is really into it, you will find a way. Or you may not. The desire to have a baby can take over your life, if you let it, and not everyone who enters into fertility treatments or adoption proceedings gets the outcome they want. I submit that it is possible to live a happy and fulfilling life without children, if you decide to do it.

*I don’t really care for the term “childfree,” as it suggests that children are something undesirable and to be avoided, like drug-free or disease-free. I certainly don’t feel that way about children, and I prefer the more neutral term “non-parent,” but for the purposes of this discussion the term “childfree” will have to do.

14

You see, the penis goes in the vagina…

Sorry I couldn’t resist.

15

I think problems conceiving are a lot more common then I thought! Thanks for the stories guys.

No, we don’t have one yet. I asked for a referral to the one clinic here from my GP about 7 months ago, but I haven’t heard anything from them. I was warned it could take 6 - 8 months before they even call me.

I should also add that I’ve had a miscarriage as well, about 1.5 years ago. I was only around 6 weeks.

16

You left out the margaritas! It always has to begin with margaritas!

Doesn’t it?

Actually, we tried for a year with no protection, and no luck. They did a sperm count on me and I had plenty of swimmers. The clock was ticking so she went on Clomid and in the 3rd month, bingo! With our 2nd, the 3rd month after starting to try it happened again (no Clomid this time).

Good luck to ya!

17

The general rule I’ve heard is that if you are under 35 and have been actively trying for a year with no success, it’s worth progressing to a fertility specialist. Over 35 - give it 6 months.

We tried for a year, and during that period we had some basic tests, and found that I had polycystic ovaries (but not PCOS), but no other explanation. We temped, checked cervical mucus etc, used non-sperm killing lube, OPK, multivitamins, the lot.

When we finally went to the specialist, we found that the basic sperm test Boy from Mars had had was inaccurately done (a risk in non-specialist labs), and based on his sperm count we have a 5% chance of achieving this naturally.

We’re just starting our first cycle of ICSI this month, which seems to offer 50% success rates.

Which means there is a 50% chance of it not working. That’s important as it’s significant enough that we may never actually have kids. Now, I hope that we do, but we’re both going into this with realistic expectations, and are continuing to focus on lots of other things, so that ‘we must have kids or everything else will be shit’ will not become our mantra.

So my advice is get yourself to a specialist and check everything again from the beginning. I took a year’s worth of charts to him to show clear temp shifts and correctly timed intercourse, which helped convince him immediately that something odd was going on - I think this very much helped.

And talk to each other about the process - how much either of you want kids, what you’ll do if that doesn’t happen etc. I hope that this turns out to be solved quickly and happily for you, but it can be a rocky road emotionally, and it helps to know why you’re going through all of this, and that there is a light at the end of which either tunnel you end up going down.

18

Two of my sisters found this way of determining ovulation to be the most helpful. Using this method helped one sister conceive immediately, and the other prevented pregnancy for almost five years*.

*However, people are only human, and thanks to a little hiccup in her cycle, she misread the signs. The baby is due in June! :slight_smile:

19

The day, the exact day, on which the last document arrived that we needed to adopt from China, was the same day my wife took a pregnancy test and got a positive. We took pictures of her holding the envelope in one hand, the test in the other, and making the “AAAAHHHHHH!!” face. Made a thread about it here, too.

We’re staying with the adoption as well, even though wait times have ballooned from “oh, usually just under a year” to “you may be waiting six years or more for a referral”. It’s a good thing we have the little Torqueling; without her, the wait would be absolute torture (it’ll be three years this October, and they’ve only matched through February 06 as of today).

Anyway. I’ve heard people say that there’s no faster way to get pregnant than to start the adoption process. In some cases, that seems to be true…

20

I’m sorry; that`sucks. You’d think they would at least contact you to let you know you’re on the waiting list.

One thing you’ll learn is that there’s a lot of infertility blogs and message boards; my wife found them very helpful/supportive. Good luck!