Because I need to know. I probably shouldn’t be sharing this here but someone has to draw the short straw and you guys got it.
On Wednesday Lady Chance was diagnosed with it. At first our GP told her that her pap smear showed some abnormal cells and she should make a GYN appointment. Scary, but still calm.
Come the appointment (I wasn’t there. Curiously, I was also at a doctor’s office getting my foot operated on (minor))(Not that I would be there normally) and her GYNs opening salvo was ‘It’s bad.’ She has cervical cancer and needs to schedule a biopsy. We’re woefully short of facts beyond that.
Here are the facts that we have:
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Her GP, who also performed the pap smear and pelvic that turned this up, says everything internally looks and feels normal.
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Her GYN is doing a cone biopsy, which I discover is called ‘conization’ on Tuesday. This would be six days after he told her and approximately 21 days after our GP said she sould make an appointment.
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Her GYN said the likely treatments were a cone biopsy (as above) or a hysterectomy.
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In discussing treatment options his first question was ‘Do you plan on having any more children?’ When told no (we’ve got two and we’re both 40) he said that was good as it meant he could make a LARGE cone cut on Tuesday. He also said that after treatment she’ll need smears every 3 months for several years to monitor things.
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He also said that, of the cells detected, there’s a range they normally see that goes from ‘concern’ to ‘monitor’ to ‘get moving on treatment’. She’s way off on the bad end of that scale.
From about a million online pages of reading since Wednesday I think, but don’t know that we’re talking about Stage 0 or Stage I (either A or B) as there appears to be no visible (according to ‘1’ above) lesions or readily detectable masses. Also, the treatment options he mentioned are indicated for those stages. If it was more advanced there’d be more hardcore and aggressive treatment options being discussed.
It also seems to me that the facts above indicate that, even if Tuesday is to be a biopsy to gather data, he’s planning to take enough out to potentially remove all the cancerous tissue right then and there. Am I right there?
But that doesn’t mean I can sleep at night. She can. But she’s always been the stronger of us. The more blase one. I’m the one scared out of my damn mind.
I’m not looking for sympathy here. Maybe reassurance. Stories from survivors or the partners of survivors (men, sound off!). Any doctors, realizing that I wouldn’t hold you to anything, should feel free to offer an analysis of the facts at hand. I sure don’t like that line on wikipedia about ‘With treatment, 80 to 90% of women with stage I cancer and 50 to 65% of those with stage II cancer are alive 5 years after diagnosis.’ While that may be trying to sound reassuring in my state that’s a 10-20% chance that she won’t make it to 45. (Though I think there’s more to those numbers than appears. That screams of weird variables to my math-sense.)
I’m 40. And she’s been the light of my life for more than half of those. 21 years now. And I knew I’d be trying to marry her about two weeks into dating. I think I could face a cancer of my own far easier and braver than hers. And dear God, what about the girls (seven and three)? The last several days of acting normally and such with them is some of the harder things I’ve ever had to do.
Part therapy, part support group, part cri de coeur, I suppose. Thanks for listening.