For reasons I am unable to explain, I find Mary Chaney’s pregnancy – indeed, all efforts by homosexuals to raise children – head-shakingly immoral. I do not understand this. I am one of the most socially liberal people I know. I’m a confessed atheist. I have counter-demonstrated against the anti-abortionists. Most of the local Republicans won’t even speak to me.
And yet …
When I heard that Mary Chaney had actually gone out and had herself impregnated so she and her girlfriend (whom, I believe, she should be legally allowed to marry) could raise a child, I damn near dropped my teeth. “Aw, jeez, you have got to be fuckin’ kidding me!” were my exact words.
It’s bad enough that my wife (bomb-throwing, left-wing fringe communist that she is) has all but disowned me over this; but my father, Republican precinct captain and president of the local Ronald Reagan fan club, told me, “I figger it’s none of my damn business, and none of your’s, either.”
I have no idea why I have such an unreasonable, emotional reaction to this. But I do. In fact, I find the whole issue of surrogate motherhood, artificial insemination (except for livestock and married couples in which the husband’s sperm is used to fertilize the wife’s ovum) distasteful. Stem cell research? Bring it on! Gays raising children? Oh, hell no!
So, I’m turning to the most educated, common-sensical and liberal bunch I know of – dopers. What the hell is wrong with me?!
Couldn’t tell you, but all available evidence suggests that the children of gay and lesbian households show no difference from children of heterosexual households except for a tendency to be more accepting of diversity.
First of all, you have to discover in yourself why you feel the way you do. Dissect every part of your feelings on the issue until you find out which part bugs you. Ask yourself why you find the idea of AI repugnant. Why do you find the idea of a loving couple raising a child intolerable, unless they are hetero? Do you somehow believe being homosexual is “taught”? Would you feel the same way about a homosexual couple adopting a child? A healthy child? A “special needs” child?
You sound pretty much as though you have your head together. Just think about it, if it really worries you. If it’s not a major part of your life - let it go. I see things every day that make me crazy with the decisions others make, but I don’t let them influence my day-to-day life. On that path lies madness.
No biggie. We all do. At least you recognize and admit yours.
Now, do you think that your feelings about this are rational, and the fact that you have strong feelings about the matter directly correlate with the truth of the idea that gays should not have children?
Or do you believe that your feelings don’t make sense, and run contrary to your ethical code?
My WAG is it’s the traditional “every child needs a father and mother” feeling/belief - how do you feel about intentionally single parents, for instance? I suspect practically no children raised by gay/lesbian couples lack for an appropriate role model of the gender opposite to their parents. If there’s an “Uncle/Aunt So-and-so” in their lives, they should have good modeling of whatever one might think a child would need from that kind of role model.
People have individual “ewww” factors. There may be things they accept in a theoretical intellectual way but still have a visceral physical reaction against. It’s not necessarily a problem unless you let your instincts overrule your reason.
Hmm, something does seem a bit off there Sunrazor. I’m a conservative, probably just over the line to socially moderate, and even my reaction was “good for them.” Hey, two-parent families are good, I don’t really care what genders the parents are…as long as they’re committed to staying together to raise their children (this goes for het marriages, too of course).
Maybe instead of their being something “wrong” with you, you’re just not as liberal as you thought - I realized I the opposite about myself when I decided that of all the issues liberals espouse gay marriage is one I find myself in complete agreement with.
I’m thinking that somewhere I’ve gotten a very strong message about what Ferret Herder said – every child needs a hetero mom/dad upbringing. Or at least, it’s optimum – anything other than that is “less than best for the children.” Having raised two kids myself, I know how damn hard it is to role-model for the little tykes, and I guess I see a sort of hubris in lesbians thinking they can do what I did. Maybe I’m a little insecure in my masculinity (because of aging, perhaps?) I mean, what if it’s a boy? Is Dick Cheney going to be its male role model?! (BTW, I apologize for misspelling “Cheney” in the OP.)
Is it because you believe that a role model of each gender is always necessary? There are of course lots of single-parent households, in which the child nevertheless gets role models of two genders from the parent’s entourage. (I grant you that having Dick as a male role model is scary, but that would be true if Mary were with a guy, too.)
As I said, there’s no evidence that same-sex parents are any poorer at raising children than opposite-sex ones.
It depends. If they live in a state that allows second parent adoption for gay couples, it would go through family court like in any divorce. They could also have a a civil union that could affect the outcome. There really is no one answer to that question.
I appreciate your willingness to raise a question about your reaction. In terms of the content of the situation you describe, here are a couple of good links to American Psychological Association:
Oh, and I truly appreciate your interest in proactively acknowledging your blind spots and learning about this subject. Whatever we can do to facilitate the process, I’m sure we’ll all be happy to.