Tell me what "a clean house" means.

[Lynn_Bodoni]

@Emtar_KronJonDerSohn

House cleaning is a maintenance thing. If you live in a sty and only clean when someone’s coming over your house won’t be as clean as if you constantly clean as you go. It’s like brushing your teeth.

This really says it all. Crumbs and cobwebs and other things will accumulate if you don’t clean on a frequent basis, and if you try to do a big clean only when someone comes over, then you’ll miss a pile or two.

Example: I have a smooth cooktop. I put dishes in the dishwasher at least once a day (depending on how much I’ve cooked), and after I’ve cleared away all the dirty dishes, I spray down the cooktop and countertops with a glass cleaner and wipe them. By doing this, I will get most of the spills before they have a chance to set and harden and grow.

[Seanette]

@Mona_Lisa_Simpson

Ferret-man, whom I mentioned previously had bread so old (and it was Wonder Bread, so no it hadn’t gone mouldy) that it tasted like ferret musk when I ate it. He also have food of indeterminate age hiding in the cupboards. Old food stinks. (But not as much as ferrets)

A good resource for cleaning is FlyLady.net . She is a bit preachy on the God-stuff, but gives you ideas of routines to keep your place SHINY (one of her favourite words) in short easy time blocks.

She’s also rather condescending if your life circumstances (such as full-time outside-the-home employment) don’t mesh with hers. Apparently, thinking other adults can bloody well help clean up what they mess up is “whining”, as is fatigue from a more demanding schedule than she deems normal.

[digs]

Ask a friend-who’s-a-girl for her advice. Or have an amish pizza-and-swiffers party.

I know a woman who visited a friend of mine, spent the weekend teaching him how to clean his place…

… and ended up marrying him.

[Cat_Whisperer]

@digs

Ask a friend-who’s-a-girl for her advice. Or have an amish pizza-and-swiffers party.<snip>

Hey, that’s a great idea! Mormons are really helpful - see if you have any in your neighbourhood that you can invite over!

[Lynn_Bodoni]

@Seanette

She’s also rather condescending if your life circumstances (such as full-time outside-the-home employment) don’t mesh with hers. Apparently, thinking other adults can bloody well help clean up what they mess up is “whining”, as is fatigue from a more demanding schedule than she deems normal.

FlyLady thinks that if a woman can’t find happiness in making a perfect home, she’s not a real woman. I don’t clean house because I enjoy housekeeping. I clean house because I prefer not to live in a pigsty. I don’t enjoy the process, but I do enjoy the results.

[Mona_Lisa_Simpson]

@Seanette

She’s also rather condescending if your life circumstances (such as full-time outside-the-home employment) don’t mesh with hers. Apparently, thinking other adults can bloody well help clean up what they mess up is “whining”, as is fatigue from a more demanding schedule than she deems normal.

Totally agreed. I have learned to take the good (wipe the sink, clean as you go, declutter for 15 minutes a day) and leave all the rest. 10 years ago I got into her site in a big way, this spring I looked her up again and was completely shocked at all her marketing of tools that had sprung up.

I will still recommend her for someone who needs a primer on cleaning, but I always warn against all her editorializing. All those 5 minute and 15 minute sprints add up to time I just don’t have. But my sink is clean and so is my bathroom, I do that daily.

[Toucanna]

This helped me: “Terrifying motivation for lazy people with messy homes”.

You don’t have to do it right away. Just follow it for a while, and one day, inspiration will hit you. And you will feel good about it.

I used to be really bad about letting dirty dishes pile up. Now, there might be a tea cup or glass left overnight, but, daggummit, it gets done with the breakfast dishes.

Also, I never comment on the state of someone’s house (unless I see something that is unsafe), as I was taught this is rude. Maybe you should consider dating women with better manners? Best of luck.

[Baracus]

@digs

Ask a friend-who’s-a-girl for her advice. Or have an amish pizza-and-swiffers party.

I know a woman who visited a friend of mine, spent the weekend teaching him how to clean his place…

… and ended up marrying him.

I like this suggestion. It is possible that you just won’t get it unless someone points the problems out to you. My FIL “cleaned” before we came to visit him recently and the place was still absolutely disgusting.

Every square inch of horizontal surface in his family room is covered with golden retriever fur and dander but he vacuumed the carpet in there so it was “cleaned”. There were furballs and dust in the corners of the kitchen counters, the stove was grimy, and your feet stuck to dog food and slobber residue on the floor, but he had done the dishes and wiped most of the counter, so it was cleaned. Thank Og he has a guest bathroom he never uses because the glimpse I caught of the powder room was nasty. I shudder to think of what his bathroom looks like.

My point is that you may be somewhat blind to whatever griminess these women are seeing and may need someone to point it out to you.

[Seanette]

Reminds me of Dave Barry’s claim that women can detect dirt in molecule quanties whereas men don’t notice anything until the bacteria are the size of cocker spaniels.

[Nava]

@jtgain

To keep it gender neutral…how in the fuck do you keep a house so clean that any guest would come in and say “Wow! I could eat off of these floors!” Because I want that reaction next time.

That depends a lot on the floors.

Carpet: sorry, no fucking way. Either you shampoo it almost as often as you shampoo your own hair, or that shit is not going to last clean for very long.

Tile, hard stone: brush frequently; wash occasionally with slightly-soapy water.

Wood: brush frequently; wash occasionally with a wood-specific soap.

Other surfaces: mostly, dust them. When they need heavier cleaning, the best product will depend on the surface, but for example, the same diluted vinegar which works for the windows and mirrors works for a glass table. There’s no need to get 25 different products, promise.

If you use cloth rags in the kitchen, buy a lot more than you think you need. Put them in the washing with abandon.

And for keeping things in order, put things away/in the bin as soon as possible. Don’t let mess and little bits of trash accumulate. Once you get used to doing it, keeping the house clean is much less effort than making it clean. That applies to washing/rinsing floors, sinks and the shower as soon as you’re done with them, too.

[Cat_Whisperer]

@Toucanna

<snip>
I used to be really bad about letting dirty dishes pile up. Now, there might be a tea cup or glass left overnight, but, daggummit, it gets done with the breakfast dishes.

I do dishes while I’m cooking supper (which I do most days) - something’s bubbling on the stove or is in the oven, the timer’s set, and I usually have just about enough time to wash up whatever’s hanging around the sink.

Also, I never comment on the state of someone’s house (unless I see something that is unsafe), as I was taught this is rude. Maybe you should consider dating women with better manners? Best of luck.

Good point. We visit a friend of my husband’s who is a terrible, terrible housekeeper - I’ve never commented on the state of his house, because that would be rude. I am tempted to talk to him about it, though, because he wants to meet a woman and get married, and I’m afraid that the state of his house is scaring them off.

[Lynn_Bodoni]

I do dishes while I’m cooking supper (which I do most days) - something’s bubbling on the stove or is in the oven, the timer’s set, and I usually have just about enough time to wash up whatever’s hanging around the sink.

I generally make hot tea when I first get up. I can usually get the dishwasher unloaded in 3 minutes (the time it takes to heat the water) and then get whatever dirty dishes are hanging around in the dishwasher while the tea’s steeping. From then on, I just put dirty dishes in the washer as they get dirty. I don’t let anything soak for more than a couple of hours. If the food is still stuck on after two hours, then I’m gonna have to scrub as well as soak.

[Corcaigh]

I don’t keep my house spotless. I have a back injury high up (near my shoulder blades) and housework has a nasty habit of making it ‘pop’, leaving me in agony. I do the necessities, but that’s it.

[Dogzilla]

My opinion: you’re on the right track with “clean out the toilet.” Go a little further. If you want to turn OFF a woman, leave your bathroom nasty. In this case, don’t just scrub out the toilet, wipe down the counters and clean out the sink. Make sure there is soap in there and a nice clean towel. Some people like to wash their hands after they use the bathroom. I don’t like to feel like I need to wash them again in a clean place after I’ve washed them in a filthy looking place. Give the door near the doorknobs a wipe down and the lightswitch plate as well. If you can’t be bothered to scrub out the tub/shower, then pull a shower curtain around to hide the bath crust. If you expect your lady friends to spend the night and they might want to USE the shower, you have to scrub that out too.

My secret for making the house seem really clean when it isn’t all that is doing the floors. Use Swiffer products – they have a sweeper thingy that’s like a dust mop + very light vacuum. Then use the Swiffer mop. Clean the floors and dust or wipe off any flat surfaces like countertops and coffee tables. I might not notice dog fur or dust bunnies around the baseboards, but I like to be barefoot. If there’s so much grit on your floors that it feels like I’m walking on the beach I won’t want to take my shoes off.

If your seating spots – couch, chairs, whathaveyou – haven’t been steam cleaned in forever, throw a nice sheet or slipcover over it.

If you have clutter, at least sort into “like” piles (all old newspapers together, all mail and bills in another separate pile, all dirty clothes in one hamper in one spot) and try to make the piles somewhat neat.

It’s heavy layers of dust, gritty floors, unscrubbed bathrooms, and grimy hand and fingerprints on things like light switch plates and around the handle of your fridge door that squick people out. At least 3-4 times a year, I’d recommend going around and starting at the top and clean every damn thing all the way down to the floors. If your place is only 750 sq ft., then this shouldn’t really take that long and shouldn’t really be a hardship. Pro tip: the space will actually FEEL bigger if you keep it cleaner.

Also, you might consider politer guests. Even if I walked into your place, it stank of beer and pizza boxes and there was an inch of dust on everything, I wouldn’t say anything. I also wouldn’t sit down, wouldn’t touch anything, and I’d get the hell outta here as fast as I could. But I wouldn’t give you a condescending judgmental sneer while I disparaged your housekeeping skills. If I liked you, I might even comment positively that your toilet is nice and clean and how nice to pee in a man’s bathroom without concern for dog knows what bacteria might be living in there. Women have to put their bare asses on your toilet seat. Please make sure that thing is sanitized if you want them to feel comfortable using it.

And do your floors: sweep and mop.

[Sattua]

“A clean house” means my mother-in-law has cleaned it. Doesn’t matter what I do, she’ll find more to do when she arrives :mad:

Sorry for the grumpy post. She’s arriving tomorrow.

[RandMcnally]

If you don’t have any female friends to tell you where to clean find a guy who was in the military. Their house may not be clean, but they know how to clean.

Whenever I lack motivation I just put on an episode of Hoarders.

[VunderBob]

@RandMcnally

If you don’t have any female friends to tell you where to clean find a guy who was in the military. Their house may not be clean, but they know how to clean.

Many years ago, we had a couple of really flamboyant gay guys clean the house. They were ruthless, and I’d put them up against Sattua’s MiL any day of the week.

[Clothahump]

I remember the old adage: A home should be clean enough to be healthy and messy enough to be happy.

I agree with the suggestions so far about regular vacuuming and dusting. Also change your air filters on your a/c on a regular schedule. Open the windows upon occasion and air out the house. Use air freshener on a regular basis. I like to buy air fresheners like these, crack them just a little and put them in the air return for the a/c. They do make a difference.

[Nava]

And we just got an example of something which certain people find clean and others find abhorrent: air freshener. If you do use it, remember that it’s one of those things where a single container is supposed to last for months, don’t use it like a teenager uses Axe or an old woman cologne.

[Sattua]

@Nava

And we just got an example of something which certain people find clean and others find abhorrent: air freshener. If you do use it, remember that it’s one of those things where a single container is supposed to last for months, don’t use it like a teenager uses Axe or an old woman cologne.

Seriously. I find air freshener even more offensive than perfume. It makes me wonder what smells it’s hiding and how many allergies and headaches the people in the home suffer from. It also makes me think they probably use condensed cream of mushroom soup in ALL their cooking.