I have HS students whom I’m convinced are relatively intelligent (and I know I’m biased being a confirmed “dude”), but I almost wince at their complaints about cold and their squealing and literal jumping with clasped hands over some anticipated (something). These things are usually not admitted to me, but the consensus in the room is that they anticipate one of their friends getting “their man”.
I try not to equate these things with being unintelligent, but I do think I’m fair to equate them with the boys grabbing, poking and pushing. I admit I understand one side better than the other.
Tell me your story of turning from an embarrassing teen fangirl/squealer/boy-crusher to a mature person of the female persuasion. What insights did you have? What do you feel about your former self? Am I just too XY and resistant to understand a legitimate POV?
What does complaining about cold having to do with maturity? I understand your second part, but that first part I don’t get. I hate cold, and most places ARE too cold for me. In fact, I probably complain now MORE about cold than when I was in HS.
First because I now live in a colder place than that time. Second because with maturity, comes being more outspoken about things that bother me. And cold really bothers me.
There is something unspeakably annoying about the way a 15 year old girl complains about the cold. First and foremost, it’s annoying because if it’s cold in the classroom today, it probably was yesterday and all the days before that, and the girl in question is likely wearing about 4 oz. of fabric carefully stretched out to satisfy the letter, if not the spirit, of the dress code. The suggestion that she try wearing more clothes is usually greeted with an eyeroll. Two, the teacher likely has no control over the temperature, and so listening every day to the exact same whiny, high-pitched, woe-is-me, overly dramatic complaints about something no one can fix is basically a particular type of water torture.
I can’t say I really have a tale except that the environment I’m in as an adult is much different than being in high school. At school, when you’re a teen girl, it’s fairly accepted – even a little expected – that you’ll act like that. At worst, people will think you’re a little annoying. In the grown-up world of cube farms and whatnot, people would think there was something seriously wrong with you. A teen in a more adult-centered situation will probably not be so squeally, either, unless they’re particularly clueless. A lot of comes down to subconsciously realizing what’s expected of you.
How do I feel about my former self? Eh, I was a kid. I feel about the same way that I feel about the silly things I believed as a gradeschooler. I acted in ways appropriate to my age and situations then and I think I act appropriately now.
Got it. Like I said, when I was in high school I complained much less about the cold than I do now.
But still, if the girl complains about the cold at 15, she’ll probably complain about it too when she hits 25. Her way of complaining may change (to be less annoying), but she’d still complain.
And c’mon, it is annoying that I have to wear a hoodie at work to cover my ears, yet it’s nice and sunny outside.
Oddly, this is one of my 14-year-old son’s complaints about the distaff members of his high school freshman class, almost word-for-word. “And the girls who complain about being cold are always the ones wearing the shortest skirts!” And usually, my wife’s there when we’re asking him about his day, so I don’t get the chance to explain to him how much more enjoyable it is to be around girls once you learn to completely ignore the babble.
I’m sure I was as obnoxious as anyone as a teenager, but the behavior described in the OP doesn’t sound familiar to me. I don’t even remember other girls acting that way.
One of my friends and I used to sometimes talk in these sort of high-pitched cartoon character voices because we thought it was funny, and it was a way to indicate that what we were saying was meant to be goofy. Thinking back I’m sure this was pretty annoying, but I can’t remember ever actually squealing.
As for complaining about the cold when you’re wearing skimpy clothes, it should be no surprise that many girls prefer to wear clothes that are fashionable to clothes that are sensible. I hit my teens during the grunge era when “cool” clothes were, literally, warm, but that’s no longer the case. Of course the trendier teens are going to prefer wearing stylish clothes to something they’d consider dorky. If the clothes that are hip don’t provide enough warmth, then they’re going to complain about the cold. This may not be especially prudent or productive behavior, but just because a girl places a high value on fashion doesn’t mean she’s inclined to suffer stoically.
For whatever reason re ambient temperature I’ve found women’s breasts are heat reservoirs and practically radiate heat, but their arms and hands are much cooler. She may not have been kidding
The squealing teen was self centered, thought she knew everything, all too often difficult to get along with. She was very good looking but she knew this quite well and not much of anything else.
I started dating a mature woman several years later - we met when she was out walking her dog near kayak launch at Higgins lake.
My first fall working at the University was an eye opener for some of this behavior, me being an old man and all.
All the young women straight out of high school, off on their own (as much as College fulfills this ideal), dressing as skimpy as possible and very very obviously trying to attact as much attention from the young men as possible. Then winter hit. And these same young women didn’t get it. We’d see them running between buildings in the same skimpy outfits at 20 degrees that they were wearing at 70 degrees. Being charged with general safety, we’d make comments about “Um, you ARE aware that it’s WINTER out, aren’t you? You might want to dress a bit warmer.” Only to get rolleyes and self-conscious glances at the nearest male students.
We could always tell the first year students. The second year and later students were not that stupid.
Don’t you think I would have noticed this in my OWN breasts ?
I know, she’s not me and I’m not her, so she may not be kidding. It was funny at the time, guess you had to be there.
I think I squeal more now than I ever did as a teenager. Like when I’m watching TV, I say things like, “AW, it’s a KITTY! It’s so TINY!” which usually prompts my boyfriend to roll his eyes and ask a rhetorical question about how I ever managed to get an MA.
On a more serious note, I never was the squealy type of teenage girl, but I was extremely “emo” - took everything way too seriously, wrote dark fanfiction and poetry about fate and death and sadness, was convinced that my life was a black hole and that every little bad thing that happened was the universe turning against me. I fantasized about being a supernatural divine being stuck inside a stupid human body (I’m not kidding).
I think once I got into college I gradually developed a sense of self-awareness and the ability to laugh at myself, as well as some perspective as to how bad my life actually was (hint: not bad at all compared to a lot of people). I think a lot of this was triggered by my first trip alone to Europe - I was 20 and had never been so completely on my own so far away from home, and started out both excited and absolutely terrified. Having to fend for myself, and being able to experience a world outside my comfort zone really helped me gain some perspective as to my own life.
For me, the teenaged years were a kind of spectrum of angst - you know, early teenaged years when you’re obsessed with boys and how fat you are, plus being cool. Then later teenaged years when you’re in college for the first time and obsessed with how cool you are because you’re in college, how awful your parents were (whether they were or not) and how fat you are. Then early post-college, where you suddenly get to decide how your money is spent and you’re probably still single and sex is suddenly lots more fun than it was before. Then marriage and kids when everything becomes subtly ironic and you realize what an idiot you were all the preceding years. I only expect to feel dumber with age.
I wish I could tell myself:
The cool kids are only cool because they think they are and everyone else is dumb enough and insecure enough to believe them.
I don’t have to date anyone and I don’t have to let myself be beaten; if someone does violence to me, I should call the cops instead.
Looking better is just a side benefit of a healthy lifestyle, which is a responsibility I have to myself and my family.
When having children, keep an open mind about childbirth and childrearing. You’ll feel lots less guilty later on if you focus on loving and enjoying your kids rather than staying up into the night making organic homemade babyfood.
People are extraordinarily self-centered. So, they probably don’t notice when you make an embarrassing mistake because they’re too busy looking over their shoulders, wondering who noticed them fall down in the parking lot.
As a person with an ample bosom, I have to say, never felt the cold there. That is a Warm Spot. My arms get chilly, and I like to have something wrapped around my neck, but the bosom is warm.
I was a junior in high school, and had a bad bout of laryngitis (really bad, couldn’t make a sound). It had something to do with allergies, because it always happened the same time of year, late April-early May, but there were no other bad effects, no sore throat, no aching, nothing hurt. I just couldn’t talk. And then I could croak. And then I could talk a bit in a very husky voice. And eventually, back to normal.
Now, normal was just the way I always talked. I got taken for someone a lot younger on the phone, and occasionally for a 12-year-old boy.
So I was at the “husky voice” stage of recovery and I had this blind date, and the guy thought I had the sexiest voice he’d ever heard, and he told me that a few times over the course of the night. I didn’t mind hearing it, although I felt like a fake (not an uncommon thing on a date as I always felt like a bit of a fake).
So I decided maybe it was time to stop sounding like Minnie Mouse. I spent a few weeks concentrating on talking in a lower voice, and improving my pronunciation while I was at it. It mostly consisted of consciously speaking in a lower tone than I was comfortable with, and also with becoming a second alto in the choir.
While I was at it, I slowed it down a bit. Even my mother kidded me about how fast I talked.
So by the time I went to college, while I was far from a mature woman, at least I sounded like one.
Ha, this reminds me a LOT more of my own teenage years than the OP’s description of squealing, complaining about the cold, and worrying about someone “getting my man”.
I’ve found that in East Asia, girls’ squealing, giggly behavior and general immaturity often lasts until about their mid-twenties, at which point they suddenly start worrying (or more likely their parents start worrying) about not them being married yet. At that point they generally go in for dramatic makeovers and get generally tarted up on the lookout for a man.
I agree that a lot of it is about adapting to expectations. I’ve known of some American-born Chinese young women who come back to Taiwan to visit their families and after a little while they find themselves becoming all squeally as well. At which point they’ll stop short and (mentally) ask themselves, “what the hell is wrong with me?”
Like I said, when I was in high school I complained much less about the cold than I do now.