It’s totally a unfounded WAG on my part, but do try to not hold this against her. It may well be for a good reason. I have IBS myself and often forego eating during holiday visits, because food can very often be a trigger to a reaction I really don’t want to deal with when I am a guest at someone’s holiday party. Naturally it is something one doesn’t wish to explain, either.
You may well have reason to know that this is not the case with her - but it sounds familiar to me, and I’d hate to be on someone’s ‘list’ because of such an irksome idiosyncracy. The last thing the holiday season needs is more reason to stress, ya know?
I don’t even know if I’m going to be home for Christmas.
But recently my grandparents “threatened” with moving to Mom’s. She responded through the principle of “let it not be my fault”: she’s already set a date with the contractor who needs to refit her small bathroom so it can be left as “Gramps only” (his hygienic habits mean it would be nice if we could just turn the room into a Decon Unit; sadly it doesn’t seem to be possible). They want separate bedrooms; those are already available (or will be as soon as Lilbro finally moves out).
A big reason they want to be at Mom’s is The Nephew - for them, the Great-grandson. Who lives with his mom, his dad and his mother’s parents; the grandfather has ALS and is going downhill very fast (probably having a tracheotomy this week). The nephew’s maternal uncle and his girlfriend are pretty much living there on weekends, too. Full house and then some, and when you’re there you’re not even allowed to laugh because “it may bother Joe” (the grandfather with ALS).
So Mom says that, as much as she hates being with her parents, it would be kind of nice if they DID come for Christmas… since it would give her an excuse to avoid spending every bloody single day at her daughter-in-law’s not being allowed to play with her grandson because, you see, it might bother Joe.
There’s more chapters but let’s just say that I’m not going to cry if I can’t come home for Christmas, myself…
I like seeing the little kids (nieces and nephews and second cousins) for about a half an hour.
After that, they drive me crazy. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the fucking football game, BRAT! They won’t eat the right food. They yell. They block the screen.
Somehow, the stupid tivo can’t figure out that it’s not supposed to flip away from the football game every half hour to go to Dora Squarepants the Builder and Friends.
And then one of them has his head down in a hand held video game ALL DAY LONG. Every second. He walks through the door looking at it, doesn’t say “hi”, never looks up from it until his parents make him eat, and then all he does is whine while he’s eating, and goes right back to it when he’s done. I appreciate his silence, but I also feel bad because I think it’s bad for him; he’s socially disfunctional, of course, and totally smothered by his mom.
My aunt. It’s November and I’m still pissed at her behaviour last Christmas, and already dreading what she’ll do to this Christmas. She’s dumb as a post, completely self-centered as in interpreting absolutely every event and circumstance in the Universe according to how it affects her (when I was in the hospital for a month she came unannounced, popped into the room, spoke very loudly for fifteen minutes without pause about how horrible it was for her that I was in the hospital, and then left, leaving me with the feeling of having been run over by a train - I also wondered what she needed me for, couldn’t she just have shouted the same words at a wall?), a total fluffbrain who believes in everything that has no evidence and disbelieves in everything that has evidence and couples it with a shameless - nay, proud - complete lack of understanding of science or even basic critical thinking.
I could fill a hundred posts with anecdotes and facts about her. I just hope against hope that she some day gets diagnosed, so we’ll find out exactly what’s wrong, and if it’s hereditary. The above isn’t even scratching the surface.
It used to be my brother. We always had a lot of rivalry, and he took the opportunity to rub my nose in his success. (He has been very successful, I get by). That all changed when my dad passed away a few years ago. Some how that changed the dynamics, and we pulled together to help out mom. We now work as a team. He helps mom with all the financial stuff (he is very good at it, I am a financial idiot), I take care of fixing stuff around the house ( I am pretty handy at carpentry, plumbing, and most things mechanical, the electrical stuff I leave to the pros). I am also a computer tech by trade, he still prefers a ledger to a spreadsheet. It works out well, with very little friction or rivalry. I wish pops was alive to see us actually working together and not fighting.
My stepson. Ever since he’s become a Responsible Adult by joining the Coast Guard, getting married, and having a kid, he’s become quite a handy man around the house, and I admire him for it. However, this means whenever he visits, his superciliousness at all my undone jobs around the house (needless to say, I’m not quite the handy man) set my teeth on edge.
On the other hand, I realize this is pretty small potatoes compared to alcholic uncles, racist brothers, and so on. It’s just something that keeps me from looking forward to the holidays as much as I’d like.
I used to dread seeing my siblings on holidays, but now i just don’t see them. Hell, simple phone calls to wish a happy birthday have turned into massive Bitch fests about when Mom’s executor will cut them a check. Like I know, like I care.
I must be one of those rare people who lives within their means and save for a rainy day. I guess the ‘greed’ gene skipped me, but it doesn’t bother me.
Of the relatives that I do see, I have one BIL who is a conservative talking-point who starts political arguments and makes reacist statements. But I give as good as I get and we always manage to agree to disagree by the end.
What’s strange is that my mom is so cool and loving and adored by all but her sister just gives my the heebie jeebies. Aunt has always tried to pull you aside or corner you somewhere and whisper shit to you like inconsequential stuff is this great big secret. She’s manipulative, creepy, conniving and I don’t want her to touch me. But things are much better now because years of medication have given her sunken eyes and a far off stare. Yeah, now it’s communication at it’s finest.
One family, really. We go to my SO’s house because they’re in the same state, while my family - what little of it there is in the States - is practically on the West Coast.
This family, my SO’s aunt, is rather messed up. They are filthy rich, first of all, and boast about it.
The man is a Muslim, and I don’t mean that to be derogatory by itself, but he’s a Muslim of the old school - really believes women should be seen and not heard, believes he is right all the time, and that no one must interrupt when he is TALKING. I have met plenty of men like this, Hindu too, of my father’s generation.
His son is spoiled rotten and is in a “special school” - it’s reform school but they won’t admit it.
His daughter is this sweet little applepie girl - on the outside. She knows exactly how to manipulate everyone around her and uses it constantly.
The mother allows both kids to run roughshod over her.
I’m making it sound worse than it is. None of his family are that bad, but these are the people I don’t really want to see.
My own family is totally different - much more raucous and gets into more fights, but over the last few years I’ve found the love is stronger, too.
Next weekend I have to go visit my mother-in-law, which is fine. I love her. And my brother-in-law. He’s cool, too. And his wife, who got pregnant so he’d have to marry her, is extremely loud, and picks on him verbally all the time.
Mr. Lissar, his Mom, his brother and I are all pretty quiet people, who don’t fight in public. She thinks fighting in front of the relatives is a form of sport.
She also never says thank you for anything.
The rest of her family is about a zillion times worse. If any of her sisters are around I may punch them.
Okay, I’ll probably get flamed for this, but I’ll tell you the truth. Out of all the racist, sexist, fundie, creepy, loud, loony, nasty people I’m related to, the one I dread seeing most at the holidays is one of my aunt’s relatives who is retarded. He’s pretty low-functioning; I know he feeds himself but not sure how bathroom matters are handled. He always scares me because he’s very big and he doesn’t talk, but lots of times he’ll get excited and start hollering or jumping around or pulling on people. I have no idea how to cope with him, and neither does anyone else in my family besides his immediate relatives, and since these people are never around more than once a year, it’s kind of hard to talk to them about it. My aunt is a fabulous person, but on the topic of her family she can be very easily offended. I wouldn’t dare suggest to her that he isn’t more fun than a barrel full of monkeys.
Well, this is a tough one. My twin and I have a tempestuous relationship, but at the holidays, it is much worse. She seems to have a bit of a script going in her head concerning how the day is going to go down and makes it very difficult for people to be comfortable at her house because they aren’t following the script. She seems to enjoy waiting to put out any food for as long as possible so that people are REALLY starving. She invites friends of hers that we don’t enjoy as a “surprise” and then tries to make sure I don’t offend them. And when she comes to my house she likes to perceive slights that aren’t there.
And then there’s my husband’s SIL, Kate. I hate Kate. She thinks she knows everything about raising kids, but forgets that we all know that our husbands’ parents are actually raising her kids for the most part. She’s ultra-conservative. She’s proud that John Gotti, Jr. attends her church. She thinks Africa is a country. She’ll give big lectures about how kids should be raised and then she’ll drink a bottle or so of wine and then her kids are everyone else’s job. She is disrespectful to her husband. To her credit, she took over the Thanksgiving preparations at my house last year when I was puking my guts out. I’m grateful for that, but I still hate her.
Actually, for the most part, I like my family and don’t have anyone that I dread seeing. My in-laws are the closest we come to that, and they’re nice people, it’s just that they’re a little hard to live with for very long. Neither of them have any tact whatsoever (I don’t mind this, since I can just ignore everything they say, but not everyone can), my FIL always manages to corner someone and talk for an hour about whatever is least appropriate (my poor vegetarian liberal SIL got to hear about hunting–he doesn’t even hunt! What was there to say?), and so on. My FIL especially just seems to take up a lot of space in a room, so you feel a little squished. They’re nice, they love us–it’s just not very relaxed.
I’m having an especially hard time this year because of some spectacularly bad financial decisions they’ve made. The consequences are falling on us, because we wind up giving them the money they don’t have to pay the mortgage. I always knew we would have to support them quite a bit as they got older, but I didn’t expect it to start so soon and for them to be so stupid. So I’m having a hard time forgiving them at the moment.
I don’t dread seeing anyone in my own family, but my husband’s family is another story. I dread walking into his mom and dad’s home with it’s uber-Catholic decor. Jesus bleeding on the cross? That belongs right in the dining room!!
It’s very tense no matter what. I have never felt at ease in his parent’s home. They are judgmental, moody, and their food is bland. And because they ONLY get together on holidays it is mandatory that we attend.
I just don’t get these families who live 20 minutes from each other but don’t have a family meal until the holidays. My family is very close and we see each other all of the time. Sorry, but their holiday takes precedence over scary in-law’s Jesus house. I hope they decide to have it at the same time again this year, that’s just so much fun! It’s like they are daring my husband not to show up. I hate to tell them, but he’s just waiting for an excuse!
My fundie BIL. He’s my sister’s second husband, and there’s just something about him that gets my back up. It’s not just me, practically everyone around him gets this really weird vibe.
He’s a lying uneducated braggart (two engineering degrees in six months! He’s a tenth degree black belt! Accomplished at the guitar!) yet he can’t work because his ex-wife is suing him for child support, which he already paid but can’t prove because the state lost the paperwork, and they’re not his kids anyway since he never had sex with her.
At the wedding, I about fell out of my seat when he said to my sister before God (heh) and all “I prayed to God for a submissive wife, and he gave me you.”
:eek:
For me, the creepiest thing he did was when he accidentally hit a kid with a bat while they were trying to hit a pinata. What was his immediate reaction? Was it “Oh, I’m so sorry!” Was it “Oh dear, let me get some ice on that!” Was it “You poor thing, are you okay?”
No.
It was “Don’t tell your mother.”
Again, :eek:
I really worry about my nephew living in that house. Oh, by the way, Jehovah’s Witnesses and Buddhists are going to hell, according to him.
I really don’t have much trouble getting along my dad’s brother and his patriarchy. Sure, I get annoyed listening to them talk about Harry Potter leading kids to damnation (true story). And it doesn’t really bother me to keep quiet about the D&D campaign I’m playing since that’s a nerd survival instinct. But I don’t really get bent out of shape.
But watching my self-righteously liberal sister get bristly about it is a pain. I share most of her views, especially in comparison to Uncle Preacher, but when he purposely baits her with his opinions and she responds exactly like he wanted, I want them both to just go outside until the adults are done eating. I can put up with fundie lunacy and liberal dogma with equally mild distaste, but watching them clash is one long annoyance.
But overall, I just get bored with thanksgiving since I nothing in common with the relatives. Amazing food only goes so far to mitigate the social discord and ennui.
This year, my parents are coming down to Florida to have dinner with little ol’ me. God help us all.
Have you ever tried doing something with them? Like playing a board game, or chucking a football around in the backyard? They’re kids. They do what they do, and clenching your jaw and fists and other things is not going to make them stop. You might find them less annoying if you didn’t hold yourself aloof. Believe me, they can sense the hostility. Especially the kid with the handheld. That’s probably why he brings it to gatherings.
As for me, what honks me off is not having family out here. Not just for holidays, but at any time. We always have to go to them. My parents don’t want to come out to LA because my sister and BIL are in Vegas. My sister can go to Mexico, but not to LA. FIL and FILWife go to Vegas when they want to, but not to LA at all. MIL I can understand, because her roots are deep where she is, but I’d love to have her here (don’t say it, please). I think I’m going to lean on my parents a bit about coming out here for Xmas.
Pretty much everyone on my father’s side of the family. There are about six or seven ill-behaved, noisy kids, and I’m just one of those people who does not enjoy the presence of children. There’s a ten-year-age gap between me and everyone else (either kids or older cousins). They all think and lecture me about how I’m just going through a phase with A) being vegetarian (for 8 years now), B) being atheist (my whole life), C) not getting my degree in something “good” such as business.
Mom’s family is more tolerable - there’s the token Cool Aunt, and as I’ve gotten older I’ve come to appreciate the radicalness of my grandmother more and more. Granted, there’s also the Pyschotic Evangelical Christian Republican aunt, but we all are mostly content to just smile and nod as she goes off on whatever tangents.
I can agree with this. My brother and sister and I were always the kids with the handheld/book/whatever because we knew that certain people in my dad’s family looked down on us because our mom “left him.” We tuned out sometimes because it was easier than dealing with the hostility. However, we had one aunt who treated us all like we were her own kids, never an ounce of bad blood there, and she could make us come out of our shells anytime. I miss her.
The relative I’m trying to avoid is my same-age female cousin. I used to work with her (long story), but things turned really sour when I left the job. She’s one of those “wacky” attention-grabbers who dyes her hair weird colors and then shouts, “Look at ME! I have orange HAIR!! Yah!!” So of course everyone thinks she’s just the bee’s knees. Grrrr.
