These are very interesting stories and a great thread topic.
(Sorry if I’m reviving a zombie, but it’s still kinda warm.)
I have used a couple of tricks, over the years to help me reach the sort of life I wanted for myself. If you were bred and stewed in wild dysfunction it is indeed a struggle to find your way to stability and contentment. So often it’s us that’s in our own way.
I was told the impact of these small tricks is increased significantly if you tie them to a physical activity, no matter how small. Part trigger, part reinforcement, I think.
I tried it, as silly as it sounded, and, not only did it work but I still use it from time to time, years later. The physical activity I tied it to was, pouring the water from my kettle for my morning tea. And I would say to myself, “Today, I give myself permission to be freakin’ awesome!” I realize it sounds incredible insignificant but I have come to understand that the greatest change can be realized by the tiniest of steps. Through the years, I changed it to suit my days, (patience, calm), whatever I felt the day might lack. Think what you like, and I’m not sure exactly how or why but this really worked for me. Less internal conflict, more focus, a certain freeness or looseness that, at first seemed so unnatural but now is second nature to me.
The second trick I’ll share, had a profound and lasting effect on who I became. I can’t remember who told me about this. But once I gave it a try, I knew it had to be having some effect because, though it sounded so very simple, I found practicing it to be extremely challenging, often having to say, “I take that back, what I meant to say was…”.
Whoever taught me this told me that singularly the most important words that would come out of my mouth, over the course of my life, would be the words that followed the intro, “I am…”. While being self aware, of one’s own flaws and shortcomings, is an evolved state to reach, never take lightly how you finish this sentence. Whether being stylishly cynical, comic, or satirical, the words that follow have a power like black magic. When you self reference that you are; sooo impatient, no good at math, terrible at this or that, you on some level are sealing your fate.
Be careful how you speak of yourself, use only the kindest and most generous assessments of your abilities or lack thereof. The difference between, “I am so impatient!” and “One day I’d like to be more patient!”, or, “I stink at math!” and “I wish I were better at math!” is about what the Buddhist’s say about how we create our own reality.
Once I began to actually practice this, things in my world really did begin to change in substantive ways. Then, I knew I was onto something, and I have never looked back. I credit this one tiny, tiny thing with making a measurable change in, not just my outlook but my future.
I know a couple of others but this has already gone on much longer than I’d planned and I’m not sure this is the type of thing you’re looking for.