Making a changes in your life. How did you do it?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’m talking about deciding to take charge and be proactive in making your life better. I’m sure someone’s had some success stories. Lost weight, gave up smoking, buckled down and got out of CC debt.

For one, was there a defining moment when you said, “OK, enough is enough!” or was it just a decision you decided to make one day? Or was it a change that just happened without a conscious thought?

Do/did you have to keep consciously working towards your goal or does it just become routine after a while? Did being successful inspire you to make more positive changes?

2

I’ll contribute.

I was raised in poverty, in an abusive household and like pretty much sucked. As an adult, I lived what I’d learned, which included having two kids as a teenager, dropping out of high school, no employment skills and a crappy parent.

What made everything change? The realization that it sucked and that I didn’t want the life I had. I knew changing it wasn’t going to be easy or quick. One of the things I did was to watch the people I admired–how they handled things, the way in which they spoke, their mannerisms, etc. and I copied them to some extent. I also came up with a set of goals, which literally included step-by-step plans for changing my life.

It took me a long time to change things in my life. I went through counseling, parenting classes, got my GED, went to college and got my degree. I learned communication skills and employment skills. I set goals that included professional, personal and educational goals. I worked my ass off to make sure that I stuck with the goals, and went I slid backwards, I picked myself up, dusted myself off and kept on going.

Is my life perfect now? Nope, but it’s a completely different world than it was 20 years ago.

I’ve set new goals now and am working towards them, and I’m overall happy with the way things are progressing. It wasn’t quick, and it sure wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.

3

After smoking a pack a day for ten years, I really didn’t think I’d be able to quit. I was scared and intimidated by the thought of quitting because I’d heard so many horror stories of people who tried 10, 11 times and still couldn’t quit.

But one morning I was really hungover and decided, what the hell, maybe I’ll just see how long I can go without smoking. It really wasn’t a conscious decision to quit, it was more like a game of how long I could last. I slapped a nicotine patch on my arm, and eight months later, I’m nicotine-free. Every day is a struggle because man, I LOVED smoking. But I’m so proud of myself. I would never want to ruin all the work I did. Next to my college degrees it’s my proudest accomplishment.

4

Seven years ago this month I was a bitter, sarcastic angry man who hated himself, hated life, hated the people he called his friends, hated the entire fucking world. I didn’t want to be like that anymore and I knew that I wanted to live, not just kill myself.

Been a long hard journey with a lot of false paths and dead ends. I did it myself with a minimum of counselling and outside help, which probably wasn’t the best way overall, but through shear will and determination not to fail, has worked out in the end.

What it required was an huge amount of honesty with myself and determination to get to the truth of things. Not just relentless self-punishment and blame, not dumping everything on everyone else and proclaiming myself a victim. But honestly looking at things and determining what I had done wrong, where my thinking was faulty, what I had put up with that I should not have, where I was blaming myself and accepting guilt that was not mine.

If I was to give anyone else advice about this path, I’d say;

1> Get some help. Doing it alone is extremely difficult and fraught with peril.
2> Don’t give up. Just like night time, when things look darkest, you aren’t seeing things clearly.
3> Accept that you did what you did, when you did it. That you can’t spend your entire life punishing yourself for everything. Self-forgiveness is the biggest thing you can ever learn.
4> Learn how Your Choices have influenced and enabled the things that other people what done to you.

5

I grew up in a very abusive environment. The turning point was when I attempted suicide and told my grandmother that one of my uncles had been sexually abusing me for years. The family’s response was to shun me and leaving me in the hospital alone. I realised that the only way I could feel good about my life was to leave my family and never see them again. I moved to another state and started therpay. It was very difficult, and remains hard, but the benefits outweigh the loss.

My advise: Its not going to be easy all of time. Many people are not going to understand why you made your decisions and some will openly question and/or criticize them. To reinterate Chimera’s statement: Get help. Having someone to talk to and help you remember your goals helps a lot.

Good luck to you.

6

There’s been several times in my life when things were pretty shitty and I was able to change it. The process was always similar:

  1. realize that I couldn’t go on like that,
  2. examine my options,
  3. choose an option,
  4. do it.

From lousy work situations to unemployment to moving out again to…

There’s things I haven’t changed (or not as radically) but I admit it’s been my choice. I still reserve the right to gripe occasionally :slight_smile:

7

I was at a personal crossroads a few years back and in a deep, dark depression due to the guilt from some poor choices that I made and were made for me as a teenager. With the help of a very good talk therapist I was able to work through the issues which resulted in the difficult decision to severely limit contact with some members of my extended family (parents and a sib).

The path I chose hasn’t been an easy one, but it’s a path I wish I’d had the courage to venture down years ago because the end result has been better than I ever dreamed I deserved.

Outline what you want, who you want to be, and work diligently toward that goal. One day you realize you’ve become that person and you’re not only content, but actually happy with what you’ve accomplished and who you’ve become. It’s an amazing awakening and sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure it’s real!

For me, this was a conscience decision that I had to work at daily, hourly and even moment by moment at first. Eventually, these new and positive habits became ingrained and so natural that I don’t even recognize the “old” me anymore. There’s almost a defining time line between the old me and the new me, if that makes sense.

A peacefulness of sorts follows and comes from knowing that you’re actively being the best person you can be and contributing good things to the world.

8

Someone came up to me and said, “You’re fat”

I decided to throw it in his face. I lost 50 pounds, and then challenged him to a half marathon…he withdrew from the race. I finished it all on my own.

:smiley:

9

If I lost 50 pounds, I’d still be pretty big.

10

Kicking and screaming the whole way. I hate change. Subconsciously, I’d much rather be in a completely miserable yet familiar situation than an unfamiliar one. The only times I’ve ever in my life been able to make a serious life change has been when faced with a crisis situation. Fortunately, I learned somewhere along the way how to live a life free of crisis situations and have been able to maintain a decent life as a routine, and now that’s become comfortable and familiar for me, and (naturally) I don’t want that to change.

11

I seem to be in a constant state of change. I guess that’s what happens when you grow up in a truly crappy situation yet want to be a content productive adult.

I have lost almost 100 pounds; I have gone back to school to study something that truly makes me happy. Those are the biggest, and easiest to explain. Then there are a ton of smaller changes too.

I have three very supportive people in my life, which helps immensely. For me the key is small steps: I figure out what is bothering me the most, and/or would make the biggest improvement in my life, then I chip away at it. I take one small step, then when I am used to that change I make another. So losing weight, for example, I began by eating a higher protein breakfast. When that became second nature I increased the amount that I was walking. Then I worked on lunch. And so on.

12

So what? You’d be that much closer to your goal (whatever your goal is), and would feel that much better already. I’ve struggled with weight and it’s a damn hard thing to conquer but I think a big part of it is realizing that every little victory along the way feels fantastic (and there may well be little setbacks, but you learn not to dwell on those). Yeah, you’ve got this ideal in the back of your mind that may seem so far off that it doesn’t register as “real” to you, or that it’s impossible, or whatever. But when you realize that if you treat your body right today you will feel better when you wake up tomorrow, that’s tangible. That’s a feeling you can chase every single day and before you know it, that long-term goal that seemed like a fantasy is now a reality and that just gets you more excited and encourages you to continue the path you’re already on.

13

Are you one of my clients?

They hire me to change their processes and then expect the processes to stay the same…

14

See? That’s where you’re making a mistake. They say that they’re hiring you to change the process. But in reality they’re asking you to tell them that their processes are just fine and that some other situation that is not at all related to their ego and ownership of the present process is what is really the problem.
Alice the Goon is spot on to why we spend large chunks of our lives in situations that we hate or that are harmful. Because change is more painful, difficult and completely uncertain than doing nothing and simply hoping for the best. Unfortunately, Human Religion and Philosophy tend to further this tendency, telling us to Surrender to God (or other higher power), that everything will work out in the end, blah, blah, blah.

No, it won’t.

You’ll just end up hating God and/or other people for not helping you out when you should have taken responsibility for it yourself.

15

My decision to change things in my life wasn’t based on anything truly dramatic, just:

  1. I gained a lot of weight before I got pregnant, then even more while I was pregnant. Before I had gained the weight, I was incredibly fit and felt really good. After I gained the weight, I didn’t feel so good. Also, I wanted to set a good example for my son. So I’m doing what I can to return to being an active, healthier person. I’m not really unhealthy, just not as healthy as I could be. Unfortunately, a friend of mine passed away at 30 of a heart attack just last week. It gives me - and, finally, my husband - even more motivation to be as healthy as I can be. I have a responsibility both to myself and to those around me to stay healthy.

  2. I finally have a well-paying job, but even after we had our son, I realized I was spending more per month than I was making (only by $100 - $200) and it was starting to eat into my savings. I have no credit card debt, but we might need that money later on for an emergency and for my son’s college, so I’ve worked out a monthly budget and am really picky about sticking to it, even though sometimes it really stinks.

  3. I used to be an incredibly organized person. Then I moved in with my husband and that organization began to erode. Now that we live in a much larger space and we have a son who creates chaos wherever he goes, organization and just basic tidiness have gone out the window. I want to regain that instead of getting so stressed I want to scream every time I lose my keys because I have no idea when and where they’ll turn up so I can leave for work. For the first time in months I got everything ready for today last night, and it was wonderful.

  4. This last one is going to sound absolutely awful but it’s my biggest priority. Anyway, for about the first 10 months of my toddler’s life, my perspective about him was really screwed up. I loved him, yes, and have always taken great joy with him. But one day as I was sitting with him playing, I realized that I wasn’t 100% there, enjoying myself with him even though he’s so much fun. Instead, I was thinking about him like he was a chore to be finished. But he’s a family member, someone I like to be around and yeah, I need to meet his needs, but I also need to make sure I truly appreciate the time I have with him. Because it won’t be like this forever, he’s the sweetest 13 month old I’ve ever met and he’ll be my son forever. I don’t want him to remember me as a distant mom because I was too busy planning how I’d get him to go to sleep later.

16

One day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time, or one minute at a time, or 30 seconds at a time.

And when I messed up - looking at the situation, acknowleging that it was a mistake, trying to figure out why I chose to mess up, and going forward from there. Learning what situations triggered me to mess up helped a LOT. Watching my own behavior patterns, seeing which ones led me toward the path that I didn’t want to take, and stopping those patterns before that path came up.

Not giving up when I erred.

And - this may be wierd to some people, or seem juvenile - I changed my name. Not legally, but my go-by name. Mona had a bunch of problems and just couldn’t get out of them, but Maggie has fewer, is on a good path in life, and is working hard to become better. Every time someone called me Maggie, it was a reminder that I was someone new now, someone who was on her way out of things.

17

I was unemployed (well, self-employed, but I sucked at it), living off money my parents gave me, living with 2 friends in a crappy apartment where we played video games, drank beer, and at Taco Bell all the time. I was overweight by a huge amount. My parents wanted to do a family portrait but knew I didn’t have any decent clothes and couldn’t afford to go buy any, so they gave me $50 to get a nice pair of pants and shirt for the portrait.

I went to the department store, only to see that size 40 pants were uncomfortably tight for me. I thought to myself that there was no way I was going to buy a larger size, so I put the pants back on the shelf, went over to the shoe department, and bought a pair of running shoes instead. That night I started running and did a bunch of research on the internet about proper eating habits.

In about 8 months I lost about 80 pounds, down to about 175, which is thin for a guy my height (6’3"). I gained back some, lost it again, gained, lost, etc., but I know my eating now is thousands of times better than it was back then. I ride my bike to work now, and go running a couple times a week. I trained for a marathon, but hurt my leg really badly after an 18 mile run one day, and since then I’ve only run 10 miles or less per run.

But still, compared to the dude I was when I was 23, 260 pounds, and miserable, I’m a whole other guy.

Oh, I also got a great job and I’m now a supervisor of my department, and I own my own house (well, 2 at the moment but I’m trying my best to sell 1!), and a sweet car. Oh, and I don’t play video games anymore. It’s a totally different life.

My parents forgave me for using their money on shoes instead of pants, and I look back with fondness on that family portrait of me really, really fat wearing really worn out clothes.

18

I woke up with a hangover the size of manhatten, and decided one day last october that I didn’t want to live like that. I was using alcohol to obliterate all the bad things in my life, as a way to ignore the downs and live up the ups.

I wanted to be a part of my (then 12, now 13 year old) son’s life, rather than apart from it.

I wanted to give back to the man who has stuck beside me as my spouse all this time, worrying about me, but letting me handle my problems on my own. I woke up one day, and wanted to BE something, rather than just letting life live itself around me. I woke up that morning thinking to myself, “if I died today, what would people have to say about me?” and I didn’t like the answer I gave myself.

I wanted to show my two best friends in the whole world that I was worthy of their friendship. I wanted to be an example of goodness, forgiveness, and love, rather than someone who needed to apologize for saying the wrong thing in a drunken stupor all the time.

Last October, I woke up, and I didn’t like my world, so I tried to change it.

I dumped the wine and the whiskey, a staple of my diet since 1999. I started excercising. The day I made that decision, I was a snug size 22. I write to you today at a comfortable size 16, in less than a year. Sorry, can’t give you the pounds lost. :slight_smile: I -believe- I was at 250, and am now 180, but don’t quote me. I hate scales.

I still drink at parties, and that’s ok. But I don’t pick up a bottle without knowing full well what my intention is, and making a verbal contract with myself that I will not get so out of whack that I risk my weight loss, or my sanity. That I will not fall into patterns that got me in trouble for 8 years of my life. That I will treat the people I love with respect, and with the responsibility and protections that are owed to them by me.

I am happier, healthier, and I lost weight besides. My son is a joy, and one that I will never again look back upon this life and say that I missed. My husband is the best, and I will never again look back upon this life and regret missing any of his witty comments or movies that we share, because I was too drunk to remember. My two best friends are still my best friends, and I will never again wake up wondering if I said something to offend them because I was out of my wits the night before, and I can be an example to them and help them through their own trials.

These people are my family, and the best thing in the world that I could do for them, I did.

Coincidentally, my weight was a big part of the reason I drank. Uncoincidentally, dumping alcohol from my diet helped obliterate that. I look in the mirror and see a sexy, middle aged woman, who still needs work, but is totally at peace with her physical and mental health.

It is amazing what a wake up call can do, and I encourage anyone with doubts to listen to their wake up call for one month, and take up the challenges. Those others in this thread who have lost weight said it best, and I will further summarize: each pound gone is a gift and a success, and each gained is simply a hurdlle. You learn to love the successes and ignore the failures, and you’ve got it licked, I swear.

19

I gave up meat, dairy, and eggs for the environment, for my health, and for the animals. Now I don’t understand how people can say they “love animals,” and then go ahead and eat them. Or how people can recycle, get hybrids, and eat animals. Or how they can work out, take multivitamins, and eat animals. It doesn’t make sense. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, do a little research. Become informed. Don’t just be another ignorant idiot.

I went vegetarian first, aiming towards being vegan, then permitted myself one non-vegan thing daily, and then just obliterated the destructive lifestyle I had been leading. It was an amazing choice. I’m so proud of it, even though I remember how, as a meat-eater, I scorned vegetarians/vegans and even made fun of them. Yeah, well. I love myself for doing it. I’ve been losing weight (and as a teenage girl, that’s ever-important).

So this is awesome.