This is essentially me right now. Well, the time part, rather than the money part.
Sleep
I hope you find the peace and happiness you seek. It’s never fun to give up on a dream, but there are a lot of roads to happiness. I hope your feet are on one.
[QUOTE=EmAnJ;17291289
Those that do not have kids - do you ever worry about your old age? For example, what if you have an illness where you need constant care or oversight from family?
Have any of you dealt with guilt over not giving your parents or in-laws a grandchild? This is one I think of as my husband’s only sister also likely won’t have children. Derek said to me last night that this in particular is not my burden to bear, but I still think about it.
Thanks again everyone.[/QUOTE]
Ugh. When the last of my brothers left home, my mom started complaining about how there was no one to take care of her and what was the point of having children if they all left? Seems like a really poor reason for having kids.
Besides, if we have money saved from not having offspring, we can afford home health care or senior living type places. And we have each other.
And I am so not responsible for making babies so my mom can have grandkids. It’s my choice, not hers.
But **Lynn ** wasn’t a childless person.
You don’t think coming into a thread where the OP is mourning infertility issues and years of trying everything to get pregnant coming to an end and saying, “Well, look at it this way—at least you’re not like this person, who was so super-fertile she got pregnant while using 2 forms of birth control and never wanted the kid!” is a little tactless?
If the OP objected I would stand behind her, but she hasn’t so until she makes a statement one way or another I’m not putting words or thoughts in her head.
Frankly, if *anyone *was tactless it was the guy who came in, spoke of drawbacks of having a kid, then end his post with BUT IT WAS ALL WORTH IT!
Lynn is an example that having kids doesn’t always magically work out, that mother love isn’t automatic, and there are a number of regrets that you won’t experience if you don’t have kids. If you don’t have kids you won’t be in Lynn’s predicament.
Yes, it might cause offense to some people - clearly is HAS offended some people - but like I said, I’ll let the OP speak for herself, I’m not second-guessing her.
I agree, but since he had already been called on it and apologized, I didn’t mention it again.
It’s ok, I understand what your point was. To be honest, once I saw people objecting to the post, I didn’t click on the link just in case. I now understand the jist of it from the last few posts and also understand that the motive for posting it wasn’t malicious. I can understand why some felt it was thoughtless or rude, because I might have interpreted it that way if I was in a much, much more sensitive place (not that I’m not sensitive now, but I have also gained a bit of perspective in the last number of years, thankfully).
I get it though. No harm, no foul on my part.
My last name is rare. My parents’ generation had large families, but only had 1-2 kids themselves. I am an only child, and of my two male cousins with my last name, one has a daughter and the other is childless. It’s quite possible that our name will die out within a generation.
We’re fine with that. We’re just a bunch of average people who take no pride in our name or lineage.
To the OP, I hope you find peace in whatever life brings you.
I’ve posted to this thread before but I thought my wife brought up a great point over the weekend with respect to this topic: Why does someone need “justification” for not having kids? Or more to her point: What motivates people to have kids? Neither she nor I ever felt the compulsion to have kids (she’s told me a story about how she got kicked out of a friend’s house when she was around 12 years old for wearing a “ZPG” button - the woman was a hard-core Catholic, I think) and now that she brings it up I wonder what it is in this day and age that seemingly compels people to have kids?
They don’t. However, that’s not the point of this thread.
No one should need to justify their choice to reproduce or not, but there are A LOT of nosy busy-bodies out there. Since punching them in the teeth is generally frowned upon and illegal I long ago came up with a few diversionary statements.
I think the vast majority of people in North America have kids simply because they want them. This makes the argument that not having kids is selfish a ridiculous one, so I disregard it.
My current go-to is, “We’re not allowed to have kids,” with a big grin on my face. 