This is a corollary to the “Your gay lifestyle” thread. I am getting married in June, and my future bride and I are going to be childfree. As a nice refreshing break from the comments that we will have “empty, selfish” lives without little snot-nosed yard apes running around (or children, for that matter) - married, childfree dopers: share your typical day not having to deal with children at home. Are me and my future bride doomed to a “miserable hollow existance” (as a lady at church called it)?
I think that sounds great. You can fill you “miserable hollow existance” with fun and enjoyment… You should just remind people about over population, something a lot of people don’t like to talk about, whenever they bug you about being “empty” or “selfish!”
We have peace and quiet in our home. There are no temper tantrums. We sleep soundly through the night.
We can come and go at our whim, whether out to dinner or on a two-week vacation. We do not need to find a babysitter, or spend an hour collecting child equipment or prodding a child to put his shoes on already.
We have pleasant meals, with no whining about what everyone hates or won’t eat.
Two words: Disposable income. The toys around the house are for US.
We can own nice things, with no one to blame in the rare case that they get broken or ruined except ourselves.
We have time and energy to spend quality time with each other, which is, after all, why we got married. (Can you say “sex in the living room on Sunday afternoon”?)
It was a long, tough haul to get where I could live in a grown-up world where I call the shots. I have no desire to regress. When I feel the need to spend time with a child, I borrow one. A few hours a week is plenty.
My existence is neither miserable nor hollow. I have tons of friends. I am having a ball without kids keeping me from doing whatever the hell I want to.
Don’t let asinine comments get you down. You have a right to your decision!
Well, you must at least have a dog…who else will you blame your farts on??
Seriously, we have no children and I am fine with it. Our friends that have children seem to have had their personalities sucked out of them. If I have to hear one more lame ass story about what your kid did that was ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE (and also what every other kid in the world has done) I will be forced to rip my uterus through my very own belly button.
You young parents:
Stop asking me when I’m having a baby. Stop pointing at me at BBQ’s and saying “You’re next”. That’s like saying to me, “You’re it…now go get some stretch marks and cracked nipples.” By the way, to my lactating friend: I did not need to see your cracked and bloodied nipple. I did not need to hear how far your nipple can stretch when using the breast pump. If I ever have to use a breast pump, I’d like it to be reverse-kind that will pump air or perhaps pudding into them as I get older.
I like my marriage the way it is. I like having a friend as a husband. It seems to me that as soon as the baby is born, women’s vocal chords turn into my mother’s…I can here them now. Just like her. Yelling their names in some sort of old-world Italian tone. Yelling at them constantly. Men, of course, having seen something the size of a football come out of their precious wife somehow develop selective amnesia and forget their own names. My dog does that when she knows it’s bath time. But I swear, notice the way that the wives are treating the husbands at any social gathering with young children. They don’t seem to like each other that much. They always seem to be saying “Did you remember to bring (insert random, but necessary baby product without which the children will surely die) for (latest trendy name)?” The answer is always, invariably, No. No, because people have enough to carry for themselves and now they have turned into sherpa-like creatures who have lost their best friend and are now responsible for a child’s impending demise because they forgot the correct binky.
In all, I have seen in many cases that children serve to drive a wedge between couples. Women tend to use the child as a barrier between her and her husband in order to avoid an adult romantic and symbiotic relationship. Every see a Mom bullying a Dad…Every see all those commercials or sitcoms where the poor, stupid helpless Dad screws up everything? That’s what happens. I think men have it right…just do it all wrong. Wash that baby with chocolate syrup. You’ll never have to do that again. Pack the diaper bag with six-packs of Keystone Light. Buy huge diapers for a newborn. If it goes according to the commercials, your wife will roll her eyes and go clean up your mess.
Now, I can’t blame women for never wanting to have sex again…the very idea of romance after all that grunting and pushing and cracked nippling…I can see it. Fine.
Anyway, that’s my rant. I just quit smoking 5 days ago, so any emotional instability can be blamed on that. Flame away.
Do you want to stay out at a party until dawn? Go for it! You can catch up on your sleep over the weekend. Want to take off and go hiking for a couple of months? Send a post card! Feel like just ignoring Christmas this year? I’m with you, I hate Christmas. College tuition? I’m so glad I finished paying off those student loans years ago, glad I don’t have to pay today’s tuition rates, sheesh!
Sunday papers. Coffee with cream. Rated R movies. Sarcastic jokes. Petting dogs. Privacy. Loud music. Unbalanced meals at irregular times. No need to watch young children play sports. No children learning how to play a musical instrument. No awkward social meetings with other parents. No worries about college or drugs or pregnancy (other than my own).
Exactly what Scarlette and sj2 have said. CG and I have not quite decided whether or not to have kids yet, even though we’ve been married four years now. We can do things that we wouldn’t be able to do if we had children. I can walk around the house in a teeshirt and underwear if/when I want to without worrying if I’m going to cause anyone any serious mental and emotional damage. I don’t have to worry about setting a good example for anybody. I can eat cold, left over pizza for breakfast if I want or cereal for dinner without fear. The only messes I have to clean up are my own (or the cats’).
Being childfree means never having to say you’re sorry.
If they ask why you don’t have children, tell them to go screw themselves.
Or… mess with their minds. One day last summer I was relaxing at the community pool, minding my own business when a mother looked over at me and asked me where MY kids were. I looked her straight in the eyes and I said my 3 1/2 year old and my 1 year old were at home, by themselves, playing. She looked at me, shocked, and informed me what a bad parent I was, leaving my kids home alone at such a tender age. Then I laughed, which caused her even more stress I imagine. I told her my ‘kids’ were my two cats and that I’d left them home by themselves plenty of times and she just turned around, started speaking to another mother and ignored me. Which is what I’d sort of wanted to begin with.
Stay in bed as late as we want on the weekends.
Watch movies on a whim, any rating.
Keep sharp, pointy objects, dangerous chemicals, and heavy materials below the 6’ height.
Clean the house whenever we feel like it, without worrying that junior lives in a toxic waste zone.
Play D&D without having to work around a babysitter.
BTW, the easiest way to get people to shut up about kids is when they ask where yours are/when you’re having them/etc, is to look sad and say that I/he/she is unable to have children, and we haven’t decided on adoption yet.
The neighborhood housewives give such an interesting raised eyebrow when I tell them, “we decided to get a vasectomy instead.” Oh, really… I can feel the rolodex punch.
It hits a nerve in some people when other people make children out to be mere burdens, just little troublesome pests and distractions. That is why people react strongly when people say they are going to be child free. Especially when they say things like “little snot-nosed yard apes”.
I believe it IS selfish to never want to have children. It’s as if you are saying “I exist for ME, not for the continuation of my genes”
“I’d rather enjoy myself and party than put time and effort into bringing up a human being and loving them and then loving their kids and growing old proud that I created a family” Somehow it’s hard not to find that attitude a little selfish.
Lobsang , I agree with you. I’ve been reading your posts a lot today and I must admit that I want to become a Lobsang-in-Training. I cosign to pretty much anything you’ve said today.
But I digress. My mother and I have had a discussion about a cousin I have who has committed herself to never having children. This thought process, to me, is selfish and empty. But my mother told me that she thinks it is very appropriate and responsible for people to decide not to have children because not everyone is meant to raise other human beings. I’m sure we could all take a short look around and see a few people whose parents we would like to yoke by the collar and scream “ASSMONKEY, why did you procreate???!!!”
My husband and I have a passive stance on the whole having children thing…I like my life the way it is really, and I think he does too. I can concentrate on my career, travel, eat what I like (pop tarts one day for breakfast, eggs benedict the next!), go for long walks with my 2 dogs…It’s not that I don’t like children. I do! I just don’t know if I need to have them. My life feels pretty good and deliciously uncomplicated…Plus, the aforementioned 2 dogs, plus 3 kitties will not have to have the latest 150$ sneakers, ivy league schools etc… I won’t have to give my animals the dreaded “birds and bees” talk. Well, actually that’s not true. I do have to tell my dogs not to chase birds and eat bumble bees…lol.
What really irks me is how the women in my neighborhood feel that it is their divine right to grill me on when and if I will have children. I have heard, “Why did you buy that big house if you’re not going to have children.” “Don’t you think it’s a bit selfish of you not to have kids.” “Have you tried fertility drugs?” Um um um…how do people get to be so ballsy?? I can’t imagine ever saying that to someone!!!
My wife and I travel; do what we want, when we want to; have plenty of disposable assets; a large house and sleep in as late as we want to. I don’t even work and she is working because she loves the job.
[ul] [sup]Of course, this is all after we raised 5 children.[/sup][/ul]
I am not against the idea of not wanting children if you think you are a) not ready to, b) don’t think you would be capable of doing so. I can even live with people not having them because they have a happy life. But I am against the idea of not having them simply so that you can enjoy yourself and party. And It hits a nerve when I see people talk about children as if they are vermin. I adore children, I love my nieces and I want to have children myself someday (I don’t mean give birth - I am male. I mean have them with someone). I just love the idea of there being a mini me! The idea of creating another human being! (or several) I would feel like I have wasted my life on myself if I haven’t performed the miracle of life!
Honestly, my husband and I have two great kids (ages 5 and 8) and we lead a pretty damn fun lifestyle. I suppose that’s why so many parents and wanna-be parents look like a confused dog with its head cocked to the side whenever we hear people express a desire to remain childless.
You see, our kids can be a financial drain and all-around drag some days. But my God. <said in my best valley girl voice> It’s, like, the absolute most friggin’ awesome thing we’ve ever done. The fact of the matter is: we have a big house, nice cars, impeccable lawn, vacations (with AND without kids), get-togethers at our house, beers and martinis, the occasional childless date, etc. Essentially, the best of both worlds. And we’re still young (30 and 31). We pride ourselves on walking that fine line between raising responsible contirbutors to society and being the “cool” parents. Dude, I wouldn’t trade this for NOTHIN’.
My.life.is.the.shit.
And (God-willing), we’ll be empty-nesters by the time I’m 42 [Mr. DEVA and myself do the running man as a show of victory].
True story: Before I had kids I did not really like them. But when I first held my first son, my immediate thought was, "
I’m selfish for not wanting children? Huh? So I suppose that all those parents that dump their kids or abuse them are what, like the most selfless people? Huh? What? Are you kidding?
And I need to spread my genes? Um, why it that? Because someone wants heart disease? Bad Joints?
I suppose then I should over-populate the world even more. Forget the half-a-million children in foster care in the USA. Not to mention all the children in the world that never knew their parents.
mess with their minds. One day last summer I was relaxing at the community pool, minding my own business when a mother looked over at me and asked me where MY kids were. I looked her straight in the eyes and I said my 3 1/2 year old and my 1 year old were at home, by themselves, playing. She looked at me, shocked, and informed me what a bad parent I was, leaving my kids home alone at such a tender age. Then I laughed, which caused her even more stress I imagine. I told her my ‘kids’ were my two cats and that I’d left them home by themselves plenty of times and she just turned around, started speaking to another mother and ignored me. Which is what I’d sort of wanted to begin with.
