What if your parents had that attitude sj2?
And who on earth said abusers and neglecters were selfless???
Granted - assholes should probably not have children (mind you - having children might make them not assholes) and some people who did have children, we wish didn’t. But it still seems selfish to admit that you will never have children because you want more free time. Would you go to your friends and say - I don’t want to spend time with you, I want more free time?
Or - would you avoid having friends for the same reason that you avoid having children? Because they seem like the same thing to me.
I have gone so far as implying that it makes you a bad person if you do not want children. I did not mean to go that far, only as far as to say I don’t understand it.
Odd, I have the exact opposite view. I think it’s selfish for people to be so completely gung-ho about passing along their genes that they usually tend to overlook obvious problems—like they have no business being parents. I don’t hate children. I hate the parents who raise children to be loud, annoying little yard monkies.
Yeah, I actually do. I avoid joining clubs or hanging out with people after classes. I prefer online friends because I can chat with them while I multi-task. My time is my time, not anybody else’s, and there is no moral imperative to allow anybody else to take it.
Not that I want more free time. I just don’t see how I should be practically bullied into having a child…like you seem to be doing. There are valid reasons not to have children. Genetic reasons. Financial reasons. The fact that my job and my husband’s requires massive international travel.
It is not about free time. There is no such thing as free time. Time is what you do with it. If you want to be a mom or a dad, more power to you. Have at it. Good on ya. But you should also respect the fact that some people have identified themselves as people who are not cut out to be parents. I think we should embrace people who can recognize that instead of having such a reactionary objection to their freedom of choice. This goes along the same lines of people (often strangers!) who approach my mom friends with one child and ask when their next one will be on the way…and then harass them with their opinions on only children and how lonely they will be…Oh the humanity. Does everyone have to have their own litter before they are socially acceptable??
And friends are the same as children? Again, huh? I don’t wipe my friend’s rears or worry if they are going to benefit from my wisdom. And then again, they don’t have the same genes as I do…I enjoy the time I spend with my friends. I enjoy the their children as well. Although, and most women won’t readily admit it, you get a bunch of moms together as a pack without some of the “mommy friends” and they will have a field-day berating their parenting style and attitude and discipline and the like.
Isn’t this just as “selfish” as the “don’t want to have kids because I want to party” attitude you’re decrying? One has kids (usually) because one wants them – for whatever reason. Very selfish, it seems to me. And very natural.
I would probably choose a childfree lifestyle if it were up to me; my wife, however, gets a vote. We’ve been together for 10+ years without kids. Sometimes I think it would be cool to have them. Sometimes I think it would ruin everything.
I have a hard time understanding how one can choose to have children or remain childfree without some sympathy for the opposing point of view. But obviously people do it.
I hate the lack of foresight in the parents who “have no business being parents” I don’t hate the parents. Everyone has a sort of natural right to have children. Some may be total asshats (first time I’ve used that word. yay!) but they still have the right, we may not like that, but it is still the case.
This is an example of different data being used to form an opinion - I see ordinary decent, possibly wealthy people sayin “I don’t want to have children, I want to spend my wealth on myself” and see it as selfish to not have children.
Others see low income lazy thoughtless people having children without consideration and see it as selfish to have children.
I kind of agree with both points.
Honest to god, if you think that there is a 1-to-1 correspondance between friends, and children that you are raising, from scratch, close to 24 hours a day, in terms of how they affect your life, I honestly don’t know what to say to that. Friends and kids are emphatically not the same thing.
Lobsang, why are you pissing all over this thread?
Since when is it selfish to live the life that one chooses? Aren’t we all trying to do that? Mine happens not to include children. I do not find the prospect of caring for a child 24/7 appealing. I have chosen to fill my life with other activities – many of which, I might add, involve doing things for the benefit of other people. They just didn’t happen to spring from my loins. So don’t call me selfish.
If you want to be sanctimonious about people’s life choices, please take it to GD or the Pit. The OP asked childfree people to tell about their lives. He didn’t ask for judgment.
Oh, and I second what Scarlett said. Read the OP. He’s asking for a “refreshing break” from comments like yours.
I can’t explain how - but some wants are selfish and others aren’t.
The wanting to have children gives the gift of life to another humain being. It is a compassionate want. The want to enjoy your own life does not benefit anyone else (directly) it is a selfish want.
OK I apologise to everyone I’ve offended. I’ll back out of this thread. I just feel strongly that’s all.
I didn’t mean to offend anyone.
Sorry.
And I heard **“little snot-nosed yard apes” **and it hit a nerve. It made me feel like I had a licence to rant to the OP.
I apologise.
shrug Fine, I’m selfish because I like to have my time, my money, my education, my freedom, my pets, my house, my husband, my car, my food, my plans, and everything else that’s mine to myself. It’s really no skin off my nose. I’d rather be a selfish childless bastard than someone who has unwanted children and ends up resenting them for the rest of their lives because I think they ruined mine.
Anyway, to answer the OP. What am I doing with all my free time? I’m working two jobs, I’m going to school full time, I’m pursuing my writing (I can’t even add “career” to the end of that phrase…) I’m spending real quality time with my husband and enjoying him and our relationship while we (and it) are still young and fresh. I’m not saving money because we barely make enough to cover all the expenses, but that’s ok, because we have an odd dollar left over for the occasional movies or dinner. I sleep in on the weekends, I play with my cats, I make music videos because I can, I read the Straight Dope, I read books and novels.
Look. I happen to agree that assholes shouldn’t have children, I agree that people who are not ready shouldn’t have children, that people who don’t want children shouldn’t have children.
You are not selfish if you want your time money, freedom etc… OK?
But I lost my temper, On the boards you can’t be racist or sexist (quite rightly) but yo can talk about children as if they are sub-human wastes of space! It looked like the OP did that. So I lost my restraint!
Lobsang, I posted before I saw your apology. I was in the middle of composing my post when you submit, and I did not preview. So I wasn’t hitting the point again after you let it go, it was just a simple instance of getting the wires crossed.
Our childfree lifestyle isn’t all cheesecake and beer bongs, believe me, but it’s a lot more fun than it would be if we had kids. Given our work schedules, if we had kids we’d never have any time for us and our relationship.
I work from 5p-3a four nights a week at the emergency clinic. I come home to a quiet house, the enthusiastic greetings of my pets, and the mumbled questions of my sleeping husband. I have plenty of quiet time to decompress, play with my girls, and reflect on my day, my life, and the world around me. Depending on the rotation DrJ’s on, sometimes I’m still up for a bit when he gets up.
We’re both pretty intense (albeit in different ways) people, and we have really intense jobs that absorb a lot of our time, energy, and passion. We both need the peace and quiet that you just don’t have with kids in the house, and I need huge amounts of alone time to function well. Show me a mother who has huge amounts of alone time, and I’ll show you someone who sold her kids to a slave trader. 
Neither of us feel the need to have a “mini me” roaming the planet, and to be honest the whole concept seems to smack of colossal arrogance and self-aggrandizement. Frankly, neither of us are so fabulous that there needs to be more of us.
I look at having kids the same way I look at having dogs. I love dogs. I want to (and in fact, do) have a house full of dogs. The barking, the hair, and the poop-scooping seem like minor issues compared to the loyalty and love and entertainment they have to give. I feel fulfilled taking care of them, and actively work to improve the lives of other pets and their families.
At the same time, I understand that other people don’t feel the same way about dogs. The jumping and the licking and the shedding and the walks and the baths just puts some people off. Those folks don’t go all gooey over warm sticky puppy kisses on the chin. They’re just not dog people, and I accept that. I would never dream of nagging them about why they don’t have dogs.
Some people just aren’t kid people, and I’m one of those. I just wish the everyone-should-have-babies folks would treat me with the same courtesy and respect I give those who just aren’t cut out to have pets.
It’s ok peperlandgirl I am not in the business of making enemies. I went about this compeltely the wrong way.
There’s nothing “wrong” with either choice. But when I read posts where people say “I live free and easy, no cares, no effort, I don’t gotta share, everything is mine”, I gotta say that general attitude just rubs me the wrong way.
It reminds me of something someone might say who was born rich and didn’t have to work.