If someone is complaining and attention-whoring over some situation you find stupid, do you think it’s rude to tell that person to get over it? Sometimes, my friends complain about stupid things and I have to resist the urge to tell them to get over it because I tell myself it might be stupid to me, but it could be important to them.
So, what do you think?
In that situation, I usually make a marked effort to change the subject–if a little gentle nudging doesn’t stop it, I get more and more obvious.
It doesn’t work particularly well.
Personally, I don’t think it’s useful to say “get over it” to someone who is obsessing over something. No matter how silly this person’s pain seems to me, if it’s real to them, I am not going to belittle them to their face. Saying “get over it” serves no purpose other than to provoke resentment. It’s not as if they are likely to take your advice and truly get over whatever it is; all that usually happens is that the pity party is extended, because now they have your perceived insensitivity to add to their list of woes.
Saying the exact words “Get over it.” is extremely rude. It totally dismisses the person’s feelings.
I usually try to say something like, “I hate to see you so upset about this, lets talk about something else to get you mind off of it for a while”. I really am thinking “get over it already” but the subtle approach seems to work.
It depends on the source of the problem. Do you find yourself wanting to tell all kinds of people, many if not most of your friends to “get over it” from time to time? Sounds like you just don’t like to listen to whining, and chances are most of those complaints are fairly legitimate. In that case, if you don’t want to listen, don’t listen, but don’t make it worse by telling them to get over it. They’ll find someone more compassionate… or a message board somewhere. 
(I’m not saying you’re an ass, just that people have varying levels of patience and compassion, and there’s nothing wrong with that.)
If it’s more like one or two people in particular who are ALWAYS doing this sort of thing, and they whine and vent and it never stops (I know someone like this, and I feel your pain) then it’ll surely be annoying as all living hell, but telling them to get over it while they are complaining won’t do any good. If it really is a pattern, and it’s dragging them down, as a friend you should wait until sometime when they are calm and not upset about anything, and try and offer constructive advice about how they can deal with it more productively.
In my experience, “get over it” is used as a only-slightly more diplomatic version of “Shut up!” The person who uses this command usually doesn’t really care whether or not they do truly get over it, but to stop harping on it.
It’s one of the most useless things to utter and I would wager that it only exacerbates a situation. I don’t know if it’s rude per se, but it is certainly worthless.
It is odd how intolerant some people are of other folks’ grief. I had an online acquaintance who snidely told me to “get over it” the day after my dad died. Well, yes, I did sort of get over my father’s death (which occurred in my home). But it took me more than 24 hours to come to terms with this. It’s not as if I was mourning over a cockroach that I’d stepped on in the kitchen.
If it’s complaining about pickles on your cheeseburger, you do need to get over it. It really depends on what we’re dealing with here. At times it’s appropriate, other times it’s not.
Friend: Oh boo hoo, I have a horrible life, look at all the tragedy that has befallen me!
Me: Oh, get over it.
Friend: Wow! You’re right! I should get over it! Okay! I’m all better now! Thanks! How are you?
:dubious: :dubious: :dubious:
Agreed. In the very rare instances I use it, this is pretty much my thought process behind it.
My criteria for listening to people complain is, are they working on fixing things, or are they just complaining about the same damned things over and over? If they’re not willing to work on them, I’m not willing to listen to complaining. Do I actually tell them to get over it? Not in so many words, but I will try to steer them in the direction of actually doing something about it.
I think its rude.
When you want a shoulder to cry on and your friend tells you to get over it, you’ll know what I mean.
That term has always seemed terse, rude, and dismissive to me. When used over something trivial, it can be funny, if you know the person well enough, but when someone is going through some mental snarls, it can be a slap in the face.
Featherlou says it well; to add a bit, “How can I help you?”, "What can I do?"or “Do you want advice or do ya just want to vent awhile?” direct the complainer back to the fact that another person is listening, and deserves not to just have their ears bleed with yammering.
At any rate, “Get over it!” has jumped the shark of usefullness. How bout, “I’m working on my own mountain, Be glad to put your molehill on my ‘Must Dig’ list”, for those who’ve timed out on the old earbones…
I’ve recently been on both ends of this.
One of my best friends committed suicide a month ago. The day after I found out, we closed on the house we’d been trying to buy for two months. When I called my parents to tell them that the closing went okay, I mentioned that I wasn’t excited–I was just kind-of numb.
Later on, my dad told me that he thought I needed to get on with my life. My mom tactfully pointed out that I should be allowed more than 24 hours to grieve. I was quite grateful for that.
Also within the past month, one of my friends has had worse girl problems than usual. He’s a classic “nice guy,” (though he’s also a nice guy, which is maddening), and doesn’t really seem to get the whole dating thing. I definately understand that, but after the umpteenth “girls suck” rant, I really, really felt like screaming, “GET OVER IT!” Granted, that’s because I’ve been hearing about this for about five years, now, so it’s gotten just a little old. I didn’t, though, mostly because I didn’t think it would help.
It’s not helpful, unless you count blowing off some of your own steam helping. End of story.
The best solution, of course, is to complain yourself.
I have a friend thats one a big complaining spree right now. Everything in his life is a horrible tragedy. But the things he is going through are the basic things to be expected in life…he’s hasn’t heard back from the small handful of jobs he applied to. A package got lost in the mail when he slept through it’s delivery attempt. He made a wrong turn on the way home. I love him dearly, but I can’t handle hearing about how horrible every mundane detail of his life is when these things shouldn’t really be a big surprise to him, could be prevented to some degree, and arn’t really anything that everybody else isn’t dealing with without making it in to a pile of livejournal posts (“Today I cut myself shaving…and my lottery ticket didn’t win…again…”) and the subject of every conversation.
But I’m his friend, so I listen, try to offer advice when I can, and vent to my boyfriend when it gets too much.
Here’s what I do to shut them down:
First, give them your brief, no-nonsense take on the matter and give some straightforward advice.
If they won’t shut up about it, act uninterested, shrug your shoulders, and say in a bored tone, “You know, I don’t have anything else to tell you. Guess you’re on your own with this one.” Then give a bright smile and change the subject.
Unless you want to get rid of the person permanently–then tell them to get over it.
I’ve read your posts before, and I have the sneaking suspicion that my dad has another, secret family in Rockford.
Or maybe they’re just related–my dad’s from near DeKalb.
Some…friend. But, that’s what I mean. I would most definitely not say this if the situation was as serious as a death or important loss. But, I have this friend who complains about this classmate of ours all the time and at first, I tried to console her. But, obviously, she hasn’t taken my advice to heart and I know other people have told her to talk to the classmate and whatnot. So, now, I just act uninterested and I desperately try to change the subject once she mentions the classmate’s name. And I don’t think the classmate ever did anything wrong to my friend in the first place. I just think my friend doesn’t like her or something. :dubious:
Just so you know, dare_devil, I wasn’t referring to you when I referenced the “get over it” phrase in this Pit thread. I really just got that yesterday, and it hurt my feelings enormously. In fact, if that friend doesn’t want to listen to my grief, then he’s probably not going to have to listen to me talk about anything else either.
Small things, like constant complaining about mundane stuff, I sypmathize with getting tired of hearing. And if he’d told me to get over something little, I’d have smartassed right back at him and rolled it off my back. It’s just not appropriate with big life-changing events though.
Oh, I didn’t even notice that post of yours. And like I said, I try to be a good friend and help my friends as best as I can. I would never tell anyone to “get over it” if it’s a serious situation, especially if that person is a very close friend of mine. Saying “get over it” to a close friend in a difficult situation is just cold.