Telstra, you suck

The BBQ Pit
1

Body of my complaint to Telstra, the Australian phone company (there are others, but Telstra is still THE Australian phone company). I added in [sub]subscript[/sub] some clarifications for the benefit of the board. Those aren’t in my original complaint, as submitted to the company.

Dear Telstra

I have had three experiences with Telstra’s voice recognition menus. The first was a long time ago, back in 1995, when I used the only payphone nearby to try to call using Homelink [sub](Homelink allows you to ring your home number and have the call billed to that number)[/sub]. The phone, which was beside a busy road, only had a dial - no buttons - so I had to say the numbers one at a time to enter my pin. Being beside a busy road, the payphone was subject to a lot of road noise. It took me 5 attempts to enter the pin successfully because the road noise kept interfering. I was in tears by the time I got through.

The second experience I had with voice recognition was a few months back. I complained because the “automated directory assistance” didn’t work properly and I was given the wrong number. I received a refund for my trouble, but I was still annoyed by it, and whenever I ring directory assistance, I ask for an operator. I’m not using that system again.

And now, we have the latest in the saga. I rang today because my phone mysteriously stopped working yesterday, and won’t be back on until Monday. Meanwhile, people calling think it’s ringing out. I called to ask for it to be diverted to my mobile. I didn’t know which department I’d need, so I rang [sub]main help line[/sub] on my mobile and thought that would get me where I needed to go. And then I find out you’ve introduced voice recognition to the menu system. I don’t know why it wouldn’t recognise that I was saying Faults, because I speak unaccented Australian English, but I assume it was because of my mobile phone making the transmission a bit fuzzy. Anyway, after three attempts, it transferred me to a lady who tried to help but couldn’t, so she put me on hold while she asked if Faults could help me, then she came back to say they could, and she transferred me through, but I was left on hold for over 13 minutes, when my mobile phone mysteriously cut out. I rang back, this time dialling [sub]faults line direct[/sub], and there was no queue! My call was answered straight away. The lady I spoke to did the diversion (by the way - I’m not happy that we have to pay for diverted calls because there’s something wrong with your service), and said she’d submit a complaint for me about being on hold so long.

I don’t use my mobile much. I have it for emergencies because I can’t drive or walk far. I’m on a $5 a month plan [sub]This means I pay a fortune for calls, not usually a problem since I don’t make many[/sub]. In the last 24 hours, I’ve spent so much time on the phone to Telstra that my bill is going to go through the roof - and it’s all your fault! You supply the service which stopped working for no apparent reason. You didn’t put a notice on my line so that people would know the phone isn’t ringing out. You kept me on hold for ages because your stupid voice recognition system can’t tell that I’m saying FAULTS. And I have to pay you for diverted, fault and service calls because your system is inconveniencing me. I can’t believe how much my call to report my phone being out of order is going to cost me. Am I unhappy? Hell yes. I hate your stupid voice recognition software which never works properly. Can’t we go back to the primitive old days, where you pushed the buttons on your phone to get through the menus? At least that worked.

I’m so incredibly angry right now. I want you to know how much I hate this so-called automation which makes things harder. I mean, if I’m calling to report a noisy phone line, how am I supposed to get through your stupid menu? If I’m ringing from my mobile in my kitchen I can’t get through your menu. If I’m calling from a payphone beside a busy road, I won’t be able to get through your menu. It’s stupid, and rude, and wrong.

Contact me by email. My phone doesn’t work. Which is oh-so convenient at this time, less than 30 days before my wedding, and just over a month before Christmas

2

cazzle, been there, done that, feel your pain. Telstra’s gone so far downhill in the last few years it’s not funny, and this is just another symptom. Honest to God, the dweebs who invented voice recognition and decided to sign Telstra up as its number one user in Australia should get a swift kick.

I’m volunteering to deliver it.

I usually ask for the number for “Alfred Stuffnuckle” when I get that stupid system, which guarantees I get a live operator. I speak well, but still used to get the wrong number up to a third of the time. Computer-aided incompetence is actually more frustrating than human incompetence in my book.

3

Tavalla - there’s no incentive to be competent. They give you the wrong number > You call it > They collect the money > You call again for the right number > They give it to you > You call it > They collect the money.

4

Also, dear Telstra, thank you for deciding when you connected my new phone, that as I had been a slow payer on my last connection you were not going to allow me access to all services.

And thank you for NOT TELLING ME at all. It made for hours of fun as I tried unsuccessfully to use phone services that just wouldn’t connect, and ISD calls that never went through.

It was also just peachy that, because you refused to connect me to interstate direct dialling until six months of paying bills on time (and wasn’t it fun finding that out?), I had to have all my interstate calls operator-connected. This was - guess what? - costing me more!!

Especially the frequent times when when my interstate partner wasn’t at home, and I hung up. I had the neat fun of paying for a full three-minute operator-connected call. Dandy! Of course if you had told me in advance, I would have taken more advantage of it. I could have listened to the phone ringing out for a full two minutes and thirty seconds more, as I was entitled to!

Now the ISD is re-connected and my phone bills have dropped about thirty percent. Sorry to diminish your income like that. Although I suppose you’re screwing me somewhere else, that I just haven’t figured out yet, so that’s all right isn’t it?

You’re a daggy old outfit, Telstra. And I don’t mean that in the nice way
Redboss

5

Hey, they pay me dividends. They’re cool in my book.

6

Not in mine.

Reason one; stupid voice recognition software, as already discussed.

Reason two; two and a half bloody weeks to get a phone connected, when I moved into my flat. I didn’t even have the problem Redboss did - they just had to connect the bloody thing and it took them two and a half weeks. Why so long? They had to check the line, which meant sending a tech, and there’s only two bloody techs servicing the whole of western Victoria. I don’t blame the techs, because they weren’t the ones who decided to cut staff so far in search of profit.

Reason three is the general amount of shit I’ve had to go through when reporting billing problems etc; I’m going to start charging them for the amount of time I spend on hold.

7

Good news is - my phone is back on. And they gave me $27.55 off my bill to cover my inconvenience with the voice recognition software. And so they should. If I had trouble just because I was using a mobile phone, then how are people with accents or speech impediments going to cope with their foolish system? Bring back the old system! Most anyone can push the buttons on their phone.

Redboss, tavalla, sorry to hear you’ve had probs with them too. I find that everytime I get ready to give up on them forever, they come good. Whenever I get ready to sing their praises, they go bad. The solution is never to sing their praises. :slight_smile:

8

Boy, you know it’s bad when the “good old days” are “Press 1 for billing information, press 2 for account information, press 3 for…”