Good question, and very difficult to answer. Many people have done cost/benefit analyses but they can’t agree about a lot of things. This site allows you to calculate your ‘ecologial footprint,’ it’s pretty neat !
See, there are so many different kinds of things that are ‘wrong,’ that it’s hard to determine which kind of ‘okay’ you want to be.
For instance, a lot of fair-trade coffee isn’t organic, so while you’re making sure the workers get paid fairly, you’re poisoning their environment.
Another instance, a lot of organic stuff is flown/trucked from very far away, so while you’re eating something nice, you’ve been the cause of a lot of unnecessary carbon being dumped into the air.
So a lot of things are all about trade-offs. The points you make about the cost of disposables vs. the cost of cleaning/maintaining, for instance, are all valid.
There are, however, lots of simple things you can do that will make a difference - a lot of things are environmentally friendly AND cheaper AND more enjoyable than alternatives, if you can get in the habit.
For example:
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bike to work (very cheap, no emissions, improve your health, and in the city it’s usually quicker, etc)
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try to buy produce/meat that is local and seasonal (organic is good if you can get it, but it can be expensive): it tastes better and doesn’t cause all the emissions of trucking strawberries in in February, for instance
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avoid packaging wherever possible - who doesn’t have a colony of plastic shopping bags at home?
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drive as little as humanly possible
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use double-sided paper for printing or copying, make notepads out of old paper from the office, etc
Basically, develop the habit of asking yourself ‘Do I really need to buy/eat/do this?’ before you buy/eat/do anything. If yes, fine. But be honest with yourself, and try to find out answers to things you don’t know much about. When you make purchasing decisions, they should be based on the assumption that everything is in some way environmentally unsound, rather than the contrary (it bugs the shit out of me when people say things like “Well, I know Nike is bad, so I’ll buy Adidas instead!” NO ! NO ! It doesn’t work that way ! grr), and that you will make the choice that is the best combination of environmentally friendly/socially conscious/suitable for your needs.
(For instance, in Canada there are no regulations about how much pesticides can be on cut flowers, so the pretty roses in the shops are basically dripping with poison. This is bad for the consumers but worse for the low-wage workers who have to apply these pesticides without any protection. I would never have given this a second thought if someone hadn’t told me.)
Oh, and read a lot. Fast Food Nation is a good start, or No Logo, also I highly recommend How Much is Enough by Alan Thein Durning. You may not agree with all of it but it will help you think about the issues.