Link: http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a981002a.html
Oh! So that’s what that was! (I guess.) I heard a story about a woman obstetrician delivering what was supposedly a baby and finding it to be just an amorphous ball of flesh with teeth. He just threw it in the trash so the mother wouldn’t have to see it, and told her she miscarried or something. I’ve just assumed this was some kind of seriously ugly monster. (Or perhaps a horror story invented by an obstetrician for some reason.)
Yes, “monster” is a medical term. It could apply to say, a child born with two heads. But two-headed children are relatively close to normal, and sometimes healthy enough to live to adulthood. This blob wasn’t even functionally a human being. Ouch.
But if it was a tumor, that’s somehow a relief.
Agh!!! No no no!! It was a male obstetrician. See, computer typing has pitfalls! I started to write, “I heard a story about an obstetrician…” Then I tried to turn it into, “I heard a story about a woman giving birth,” but then changed it back… imperfectly, apparently.
Apparently, this has little to do with the girlie bits.
A male friend of mine had one of these nasty things removed from his ass a couple of years back. They told him it had a couple of teeth and some hair along with cartilege (sp?). He didn’t ask for a picture or anything 
— G. Raven
WHAT?
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!
All together now!
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!
I’m actually disgusted enough to want to see a picture of one of those things with the eyes and hair and teeth and all that…
Now that I think of it, I remember having some friends who fit that physical description in junior high. Maybe I’ll break out the old yearbook.
Remember that Guiness Book of World Records show that was on a few years back? They did a bit on the world’s largest tumor, which was one of these - ovarian, IIRC, for obvious reasons. It weighed over 200 pounds. No, that’s not a typo. The lady appeared to be morbidly obese and had to lay on her side when they operated. They had to stick another table next to hers to hold her abdomen. Anyhoo, they showed video of it after it was removed (after the shot of a nurse carrying away a small tub filled with excess skin that had also been removed). They pointed out some white spots that they said were teeth. I believe they also said that hair was found inside. Enjoy those images, everyone!!
This is an area of disgusting biology that, prior to today I had no knowledge of.
God bless you, Straight Dope!
My A-level biology teacher told us about ovarian tumours containing teeth and hair, and got us to explain why germ cell tumours had this property. We did go “eeeeewww”, but it was an eeeeeeew of learning.
(That’s not a typo in the subject line; that’s the plural of teratoma.)
Stephen King used a teratoma as a plot device in his novel The Dark Half in a rather chilling opening chapter. But Cecil’s column prompted me to do some quick web searching, hence the links below. Ugh. I don’t consider myself squeamish, but these pictures remind me why I changed my college major from microbiology/pre-med to computer science. …bruce…
(scroll down on this first page to see hair and teeth in the tumor)
http://www.med.uc.edu/medware2/pathology/Winter/V_html/v07.htm
http://www-medlib.med.utah.edu/WebPath/FEMHTML/FEM060.html
http://home.cfl.rr.com/dahmd/dermoid.html
http://resolve-to-evolve.com/medicine/photoquiz/archive/wednesday1.html
Stephen King, eh? Figures.
I was gonna say after reading Cecil’s account of it: Therein lies one hell of a nightmarish monster movie plot.
“There’s only one thing wrong with the Tera baby — **IT’S ALIVE![/b”
After simply reading the word “teratomata” I think it will be a while before I’m again capable of eating a tomato…
This whole topic is just a sleep disorder looking for someone to happen to.
Thanks, bfwebster.
Well, perhaps “thanks” isn’t quite right.
How about: Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.
EEEEEWWWW I’m sorry I asked!!!
A couple months ago, a friend of mine had a dermoid cyst removed from an ovary. Several of us were then wondering (and still wondering) if any research is being done to find out what causes them and whether (a) it could be induced and (b) the results could be controlled.
The thought was that if these growths could be reliably controlled, the results could be used for replacement organs, teeth–maybe even spinal columns. And since it would be self-produced, there’d be no danger of rejection. Does anybody know if research into this sort of thing is being done? The research I’ve done so far has only turned up descriptions and pictures of the actual object; there’s been nothing yet about possible applications . . .
The condition described is known as a dermoid cyst. I know because my wife had one taken out and (with the doctor’s permission) the pathologist released the entire ovary to me. She figured it was her ovary and nobody was going to incinerate it–we gave it a proper burial. You too can have your surgically removed body parts, just ask! Anyway, when I got the thing home I just had to drain off the formaldehyde and sure enough, there it was. The pathologist had sectioned the ovary but it looked just like they do in anatomy books. But this one had hair and teeth embedded in the actual ovarian tissue. The hair was about two inches long and reddish brown (like my wife’s is.) There were several very small teeth that looked like, well, teeth. I think I’m a pretty objective and level headed guy and I’ve been around hospitals but this thing was just plain creepy. The wife didn’t want to see it so I just rinsed it real well and we buried it in the garden. The potentilla bush we planted on top of it is doing very well.
Johnny, with all due respect, I think I speak for everyone here when I say that you are one sick sick sick man. Welcome aboard! You should fit right in!!
This would obviously be a Tera-TROMA-ta Pictures production.
Toxie: The Next Grossout
HOLLY SHIT!!! I’m still building up courage to open the links… You took it home and washed the ovary?!
EEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ARGHHHHHHHHH YUCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!
P.S: I’m pretty level headed too I think!