Thanks a lot Mom and Dad. I didn't really want it anyway!

The BBQ Pit
1

Fuck! My parents drive me nuts sometimes! My parents told me that my grandma recently began talking about buying a new car and getting rid of her mini van… she had a minivan because it was easier to get my grandpa’s wheelchair in and since he passed away last year she’s been wanting to get rid of it. Her mini van is 6 years old, practically no miles on it, perfect condition… and she only wants $4,000 for it. What a great deal. I told my parents that if she did buy a new car to let me know and I’d buy her mini van from her. I should have said something directly to my grandma! “Sure thing,” they said, “no problem.” Well… my mom comes up to me this morning (we work for the same company) and asks me if I can cover a couple of things for her this Friday and next Monday.

“Sure. No problem.” I said. “What’s goin’ on?”

“Oh, your dad and I are driving back to Ohio this weekend. Grandma bought a new Buick and we’re going back to get her van.”

“Oh. Are you bringing it back for me??” I asked.

“No. Dad and I are going to buy it.”

What the fuck!

“I thought you guys knew that I wanted to buy that. I said something about it a long time ago.”

“Oh, well. Your dad and I decided we’d buy it and just get rid of my car. You can buy my car if you want.”

Gee, thanks a fucking lot. You know that the head gasket on my car is bad and it’s going to cost us $600 to get it fixed. You know that I desperately need a new car because I drive 60 miles a day and my piece of shit isn’t going to last much longer. You know that we can’t afford to go out and buy a new car… even though that’s what we’re going to end up doing because I have to have something dependable to drive myelf back and forth to work and to get the kids around in. How fucking selfish of you to do this to me and how fucking dare you ask me if I want to buy your 10 year old, 100,000 mile granny mobile! Fuck you!

What the fuck do you need a minivan for anyway?!? Your almost 60 years old, no children, grocery shopping for 2… you don’t drive your grandkids around anywhere. It just makes no sense to me. I bet if Jeff and Becky (my brother and SIL) had said something about buying that van from grandma you wouldn’t have done this. I wouldn’t be surprised if you buy this van and then turn around and sell it to them… knowing that they have two nice PAID OFF vehicles and only one child! You know that my family has been struggling for the past year and yet you do nothing. When J & B were struggling you went out of your way to help them… so much so that you put a down payment on a new car for them because B’s kept breaking down! When I needed a new car… nothing. It’s just so fucking typical. It’s been happening my whole fucking life!

I should have known this would happen. My SO is always saying that I look to the positive side of things too much and I always see the good in people and that I need to start having the attitude that everyone is out to screw me… that way I’m not so angry, hurt, and disappointed when it happens to me. He was upset that my parents did this but he was more upset and how hurt and disappointed I was. He thought it was really shitty that they would buy this van for themselves knowing that we’re looking for an affordable and dependable car and knowing that I wanted to buy that van in the first place. I should know better by now. I’m not my parents favorite child and they’re never going to bend over backwards to help me out the way they do my brothers. I guess maybe I should start looking at the negative side of things. No matter how positive I try to be I end up getting ass raped! I’m fucking sick of it. Nothing has ever gone right for me before… why should it start now.

So fuck you mom and dad. Don’t expect me to ever tell you anything ever again. From here on out don’t ask me how things are going for us because you obviously don’t fucking care. You’ll give your two sons every fucking handout in the world but you won’t help me a bit. So don’t ask me if we have enough money for Christmas or enough money to pay the bills because everytime I’ve told you my worries you don’t do anything about it. Don’t ask me when I’m going to see my family with my SO working 12-14 hours days and me taking on a second job… fuck you all. You don’t fucking care because you never offer to help! You could at least offer. Never again will you kick me when I’m down. Fuck everything!

2

Sometimes lessons are learned the hard way. Sorry that you gor screwed. But I agree, next time don’t depend on someone else, do it yourself. Make that call and settle it for yourself. I couldn’t imagine my parents doing that to me, well maybe my dad but not my mom for sure. Both are gone no
so I don’t have to worry about it either way.
You may be right, I can’t see them driving a minivan that long at their age. Good luck.

3

Hmm, they say blood is thicker than water. Nothing quite like family to make you want to conduct testing into that proverb.

Oh, and I would suggest looking into a rental company pre-owned. I got a very nice car with very good mileage on it. Not quite so cheap as what you mentioned above, but not too bad.

4

Dude, as someone who worked for a rental car company(briefly, for about a month), I would never buy one. The employees ragged the hell of them just moving the cars from one lot to another. The people who rent them rag the hell out of them, drive over curbs, pour all kinds of crap in the tank to keep from paying for the gas they use. They often go out of thier way to destroy these cars, because they arent thiers, why do they care.

5

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by bdgr *
**

My co-worker is preparing to buy a new car and continues to talk about pre-rented cars. I keep telling him not to, because I know how I treat rental cars. Not that I pour anything strange into the the tank, or deliberately set out to destroy it. But part of what I do when I rent a car is to decide whether I would ever buy one-and that means I’m going to drive it hard.

Then he claims he’s going to buy a Lexus. He won’t. But I’m trying hard to steer him towards an Accord or something like that.

6

you’ve been trumped, rachelle, get over it! you need to face reality and recognize you are lower on the pecking order than your mom and dad and they had (in my mind, at least) first dibs on grannys crate. when you have kids, you will figure this out!

listen to bdgr on this one about the rentals. a lot of them are ABUSED!! i managed a branch for a couple of years and believe me, the first 5000 miles will determine the long term health of the vehicle. in rental cars, maintaince is done when you can fit it into the schedual, not when it becomes due.

have a good one! (i got a swell low-miles pick-up for sale!)

7

Rachelle, your parents sound like assholes, and I’m sorry you got stuck with them. It happens a lot.

It can be impossible not to make yourself vulnerable to their bullshit, I know. I have a MIL who makes bin Laden look like Martha Stewart.

You are taking care of yourself and your family, keep doing it. You have a much better idea of what family is than your parents do. I pity them. I don’t pity you, because you can do something about it and it sounds like you will.

Good luck.

8

and gato? I think your post came out of your ass.

Seriously, where the hell did that come from? Mom & dad have “first dibs” on Gramma’s stuff? How old are you? I have kids, and it still sounds like bullshit to me.

In functional families, people are aware of and considerate of each other’s needs. When my grandpa died, I got his car because I was the only grandchild without one at the time. We decided that together, as a group. Ditto with other things. If someone else had needed it more, they would have gotten it.

9

Sometimes being a self-declared orphan isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. In this case it is. Having done so years ago, I no longer have to put up with this sort of sh!t from any of my family. And believe me, they love to dole it out.

As hard as it is right now, get back on your feet, turn your back on these @ssholes and never ask them for a single thing ever again. You’ll be doing yourself a favor. I’ll probably get flamed for this, but that’s never stopped me before. Maybe your mom and dad just don’t need to see their grandchildren that much. After all, they didn’t think you needed the car that much.

10

Sounds like BS to me too. I bet Grandma looks at it differently.

11

Gato, Rachelle has 2 lovely, active, full of life kids.

The mini-van would have helped.

12

Honestly, good parents (read that as MY parents) are interested in the welfare of their children and grandchildren. If one of my siblings needed a new van at a good price to carry the kiddies around with, my parents would be helping them look, not snarking up the first one they found! Apparently, they don’t mind that the grandkids are driven around in a less safe, less reliable car, just as long as they themselves have a nice ride.

Revolting.

13

I don’t know how your family works gatopescado but for me, my kids come first. They always have and they always will. I hope that 20 years from now my kids will see and appreciate the sacrifices I made for them. I would never snatch something away from my kids knowing how much they could benefit from it.

I see what my parents are doing as purely selfish. My dad knows that this minivan is in excellent condition, low mileage, regular tune-ups/oil changes, etc. For $4,000 he’s getting a helluva good deal and he knows it. They don’t need this minivan… they just want it because it’s in excellent condition and it’s cheap.

There’s only one thing they could do beyond this that will really piss me off and that is to get this van home and turn around and offer to sell it to my brother and his wife. That would be the last straw.

I’m still really pissed about this and the more I think about it the angrier I get. Do I say something to my dad? I’m sure that my mom didn’t tell him what I said yesterday so the only way he’ll know how pissed I am is if I say something. I’m sure that it won’t make a difference and I’m afraid if I do say something I’ll just look like a whiny brat but if I don’t say something he’ll never know how angry and hurt I am.

Another fucking day that I’m going to be angry and depressed. Fuck!

14

Rachelle, is it too late to call your Grandmother directly and explain the situation? Maybe even offer her more money (if that is a factor)? I mean, your parents went behind your back, so is it too late for you to do the same? It won’t help your relationship with your parents, but it sounds like it’s pretty much fucked-up anyway, so why not take the offensive? (i.e., What do you have to lose?)

15

Rachelle, Has this actually happened yet?

I’m almost certainly wrong about this, but the first thing that flashed through my naive mind was the something like:

“Hey, Rachelle relly wants to buy Grandma’s mini-van”
“Yeah, I know, but where’s the money going to come from?”
“Hey, I’ve got a great idea, why don’t we buy it and give it to her?”
“Geat, but we need some sort of cover-story, let’s say we’re selling my car”
…
the next day
“Why d’you think she’s acting so ratty?I’ve never seen anything like it”

Probably isn’t this at all; I don’t know what your parents are like.

16

Rachelle, is this the first time your parents have done something shitty like this to you? If so, then maybe you should let your dad know how you feel. If not, and you have made your feelings known before, they may just not care.

It is very hard to distance yourself from toxic loved ones, especially when they are your parents (not to mention the grandparents of your children). But this is no good for you or your family. Do you really think that your feelings are hidden from your kids? Unless they are still infants, they may have some idea that grandma & grandpa really piss you off.

In the words of the immortal Ann/Abby- are you better off with these people, or without them? It’s not a snap decision, but it’s very important. If the answer is “without”, then do something about it. Be honest with them about how you feel without accusing them of anything, be true to your own feelings, and move away from them, emotionally or physically or however you need to.

If you are better off with them in your life, warts and all, you need to find a way to get along with them without letting them hurt you like this. Don’t ask me how to stop being vulnerable, because I don’t know. I mentioned my mother-in-law from hell earlier. I firmly believe that the phrase “bad kharma” was invented especially for her. There are days when I think she is just misguided, and other days when I am convinced she is pure evil. However, I have to have a relationship with her because of my children. So, I try to not be so emotionally attached, and it’s not easy. Just when I think I’m past the negative stuff, she pisses me off so bad I can barely stand it. But I just do.

Sorry, sweetie. I wish it was different for you, but if you decide you have to change it, you can.

17

I can gaurantee that this isn’t the case Mangetout. My parents wouldn’t do something like that for me… they would (and have) for my brothers, but not for me. Besides, they would make me pay them back (which I would do anyway!) and they would have payment arrangements worked out before they bought it! It would be nice though… too bad it won’t work out that way.

18

EJsGirl, my parents have always treated me differently than my brothers and I’ve never said anything to them about it. I’m like the black sheep of my family. I don’t run to Dad and ask for advice for every little thing the way my brothers do. I prefer to work shit out on my own. That bothers him. If I were to tell him how pissed I was right now he may back off and let me buy that van but I’m not gonna let him know that he got to me. I’ll just put up a front and pretend I don’t give a shit and never say a word about it. Communication was never a strong point in my family. My dad will bitch about someone and talk all kinds of shit but rarely will he ever say anything to their face. When he does say something to them, he’s sooooo nice about it! Complete hypocrite in my book.

I’ve never been really close to my mom because she’s such a “straight and narrow” kind of person… a goody-goody for lack of a better word. She’s very hard for me to describe. I don’t really like her. If she wasn’t my mother I probably wouldn’t have anything to do with her… we’re complete opposites. She’s never smoked, never had a drink of alcohol, never had premarital sex, never did anything. She tried to raise me to think all that stuff was wrong and I was going to go to hell if I did it. She was always afraid to be out at night because she was afraid of being raped… she tried to get me to be afraid of going out at night. She’s a very strange, naive, prim and proper lady. I can’t stand it. It’s fine that that’s the way she wants to live her life but she’s always trying to “preach” to me about how to live my life. It’s so irritating.

I feel like my parents like to see me struggle. I feel like they think I deserve it or something. Just because I don’t live my life the way they think I should. Because I don’t kiss their ass the way my brothers do. I really don’t know.

You ask if I’m better off with them or without them… I really don’t know. My kids really enjoy being around them even if they are treated differently than their other grandkids. I don’t think it’s come to the point that I’ll never speak to them again but I know I’ll never let them get to me like this again.

Dammit. I’m tired of thinking about this. I’ve gotta go to lunch!

19

It seems to me that you are going to be angry and hurt no matter how this turns out. It might come down to this. Angry, hurt and proud without a mini-van that you really need, or Angry, hurt, dammaged pride with a mini-van that you really need. Tough choice. If you think you can really get the van by going to your father, well, look at it this way: You’re manipulating him to get what you need. Don’t feel bad, it certainly dosen’t seem that they are putting your needs anywhere near first.

20

Maybe you should consider talking to your dad and telling him exactly what you told us - you need the minivan for your kids, and things aren’t exactly great for you and your husband financially right now. Like you said before, you would do anything for your kids, and getting this minivan really is for them. So if there is a chance talking to your dad would make it happen, I think you should consider swallowing your pride and take it. This time. As you mentioned previously, if you depend on your parents for nothing, they can’t disappoint you. I wish we all had parents that were loving and helpful, but we don’t (I had to write my dad off a couple of years ago because of his toxicity). I’m sorry that yours don’t seem to realize that they’re supposed to help all their children, not compete with them.