Thanks for sending that email to our boss. You know, the one where you told her that you’d heard me say that my son had been sent home from day care on Monday because of suspected head lice.
Thanks for expressing your concern, moron. Thanks for doing the concerned co-worker thing. You know, you could have just approached me and said “hey, I heard you say your son maybe had head lice? How’s it going?” before you emailed Maria. Perhaps then you would have discovered that no, my son does not have them. Perhaps then you would have discovered that he’s just got a pretty bad case of dry skin, due to the wacky weather we’ve been having. I know. I’ve got it too. Perhaps then Maria wouldn’t have called the clinic, and told them about my son’s non-problem. Perhaps then the clinic wouldn’t have said that I needed to be checked as well–just to be safe. Perhaps then I would not have had to go sit in the ladies’ room, with people coming in and out, while the clinic nurse inspected my head. And perhaps then I would not have had to hear her say “It’s looks like you might have a nit or two, but I’m not sure. It’s easy to mistake other things for nits. But perhaps, just to be safe, you should go home. I’ll check you again tomorrow.”
The clinic nurse was very nice, and quite sympathetic. Today was her first day working at City Hall. She’s spent the last several weeks traveling from school to school, doing head checks for lice. But even she couldn’t say with certainty that I do have them.
Yes, I will behave as if I do have them. I will treat my hair (for the second time this week), and go back to work tomorrow. If anyone asks me why I went home today, I will politely say “Why are you asking me that question? Don’t you already know?” because I know you’re talking about it. Whoever sent that email to Maria has already 'fessed up to someone else in the office. I know. As much as I love working there, I know that there are only a small handful of us that can keep our damn mouths shut.
Oh yeah–I happened to talk to our union steward on my way out. She noticed I was pissed. I told her what was up. She was absolutely incredulous that the clinic would take such a step. I had no clue that this was something that they apparently haven’t done before. I called the grievance committee chairman. He too was completely blown away. So, my co-worker who chooses to remain anonymous, your cover may just be blown. If I have been wrongfully sent home, I will grieve, and I will demand that any sick and annual time taken from me today be returned. That, of course, will require a very minor investigation. And I will be told who sent that email.
And I don’t give a shit how apologetic you get. Unless it’s work-related and I have no fucking choice, I will not be speaking to you again.
