Or: Hey BF, you want some wine? Uh oh, I can’t figure out a way to get it across the table to you so I’m just going to have to toss it into your lap. Oh, and would you like to do us the favor of carving the turkey this year? Here’s the carving knife…oops…darn hard-to-navigate tables…
Wow. You’d think the in-laws would take this as an opportunity to keep this DNA out of the family woodpile. I mean, I wouldn’t want to have to fire this asshole, either…so I’d just throw him over the balcony, too.
Then at the inquisition, I’d say, “Well, God! I didn’t know what other way to get him out of the house, and I really didn’t think he was important to anyone!”
Now don’t go dissin’ the Flatheads. My great-grandmother was one.
:wally
Make that idiot watch Antiques Roadshow. Then even he’d think twice (well maybe only once but that’d be an improvement) before destroying old stuff.
Wat a fucking moron.
A dumbass that hates school desks.
Go figure.
How much would something like that cost?
Jeez don’t you know nuthin? It’s obvious that the construction of the house started with a great big desk hanging in mid-air, and they built the house around it. :smack:
Cessandra, depending on how bad the destruction is, rebuilding might be a possibility.
Wait a minute, Cessandra is in Houston. That gives me an idea, I have a BiL in Beaumont whose hobby is woodworking. He might be willing to spend his spare time putting the desk back together, maybe not with the original pieces but the hardware should still work. A small fee would probably be involved. If he doesn’t have the time for the project, he might know someone who does. Want me to ask?
BTW: BiL is serious about his craft. He’s been doing it for at least 15 years and has built several pieces of furniture for their home. I gave him a Furniture Guys guide to restoration for Christmas a couple of years ago. I have complete confidence that he’ll know what to do with the desk.
Just remembered, BiL spends usually his weekdays in Houston so he doesn’t have to commute every day. He should be able to at least stop by and speak with you about the desk.
Oh, Jeff, I will ask dh if he wants to try that! I don’t know how bad the desk is, because I didn’t see it, but I will ask as soon as he gets to work and I can im him!
I’m assuming it’s been retrieved from the dumpster…
and the other piece?
I don’t think it has been retrieved, yet. But this particular dumpster won’t be emptied anytime soon. See, my in-laws had a LOT of crap in their house, and they are trying to toss as much as possible (NOT any furniture, though!!) so they rented a dumpster for their driveway. This is where the desks are now.
I don’t think that my MIL’s desk will be fixable. It was actually hacked up with the pickaxe, and I am not sure if there is much of it left.
If the answer is “yes”, shoot me an email with your pertinant details. I think you should know that BiL has done repair jobs before but that was when they were still living in Sugarland. Moving to Beaumont allowed him to enlarge his workshop, which now occupies three bays of a 4-car garage, but I don’t know how much time he has to devote to projects nowadays.
Sigh, I just called him and asked. He said that his desk was also pick-axed, and that there isn’t any part of it left that can be saved. The top is in four pieces, and that and the sides are full of holes. 
Why the fuck did this asshole have to tear it up so much? It sounds like there was more to his destruction than an attempt at convenience.
(BTW, you’re a good man, Jeff.)
Yes, I almost forgot to thank you for the offer, which was very kind. Please blame my impoliteness on disappointment.
Lieu, your guess is as good as mine. Frankly, my SIL’s taste in men sucks.
Cessandra: Sorry I haven’t been back. Been busy. Anyway, even if the wood is destroyed, it can be re-built as long as the metal bits are intact. Heck the metal might even be replaceable. No idea how much it would cost, but sometimes that’s not the greater issue. I had my dad’s watch, a 1974 Seiko Bell-Matic, cleaned and serviced by the factory service place. I paid as much to do that as I did to get a duplicate off of eBay, but it’s dad’s watch. (I got the duplicate so I could wear it, and preserve the “original”.) A good woodworker might even be able to find some vintage wood.
All this reminds me of a story. A guy has the hatchet that George Washington used to chop down the cherry tree. It’s had ten new heads and eighteen new handles since George owned it, but it’s still in really great shape! 
Cessandra, I figured the wood wouldn’t be usable anymore. I could ask BiL about making a new desk to look like the original, using as much of the original as possible. Like what Johnny mentioned above.
Good holy fucking god! I’m literally fuming here. I’m enraged. It should be illegal to destroy antiques. It should be perfectly legal to execute on the spot total FUCING MORONS LIKE THIS GUY!
I think I would be beating his head against the wall…maybe with that pickaxe.
Has anyone confronted him about this yet? Has anyone told him how important those things were!!! Did it really never occur to him that MAYBE THEY WANTED TO KEEP THEIR FURNITURE??? That if he couldn’t get something out he could have…oh… WAITED UNTIL THEY GOT HOME???
I’m about to give myself a heart attack I’m so pissed off!