That mudda fucka (a voice from the past calls out of the blue)

The BBQ Pit
1

Got a VM tonight from an old mate from highschool. Haven’t talked to him in over 8 years. I gave him a call back and we shot the shit for about 15 minutes discussing that in the 8 years since HS we’ve both gotten married, had kids, and have stable jobs. He works for American Electric Power based out of our hometown in the rural appalachin Ohio. I now live in the Cap City and work for an insurance company. He goes on to tell me that recently he hooked up with “some guys” from Columbus who are running a business helping small business make the transition to the web. We go on another 5-10 minutes talking about kids and potty training 2 year olds,etc.

Then just as he gets ready to sign off the call, he says; “Oh hey by the way, this business I was telling you about. Well we’re looking for some bright young like-minded individuals in the Columbus market who are interested in earning $50-$60k more than you’re currently making. I’m actually going to be in Columbus on Monday night for a meeting by the airport with some of our business associates and I would really like it if we could pencil some time in and chat more about this amazing opportunity.” For a point of context, the same individual tried to get me into a pyramid scheme bullshit back when we first graduated HS. Something about an Amazon.com style store, he promised $60k+! He must just work at AEP for shits and giggles. So anyway, I pawned him off with fake interrest and that I would call him back. We cordually ended the phone call and after hanging up I bellowed that mudda fucka!. Call me up with this fake earnest interest in my life. He was just trying to size me up to see how much I make and size up my expenses for daycare/mortgage etc. How dare he fucking call and try to sales pitch me!!! And pretending that the phone call was anything but a sales pitch? Gah!

2

You mean you found out he didn’t love you for yourself, he only wanted to get in your pants?

Heh.

:smiley:

3

Yeah, but the only thing he wanted in those pants was your wallet. I was waiting for the Amway pitch.

The correct response is to state in a clear, firm voice
“Not only no, but Fuck No.” and hang up.

4

No, I think you should go and check it out. It can be a blast watching all the brain washed zombies who have bought into the schtick.

5

If he currently works for AEP, call his company HR and turn him in. The folks I know at AEP (yes, I know a lot of people at AEP, surprise) speak of “brutal” anti-moonlighting language in their employment contracts.

6

Ah, the dreaded “wonderful business opportunity” call. I’ve had the exact same conversation with a long lost acquaintance before. I let mine set up two different appointments to drive 30+ miles to my house and conveniently wasn’t home when he arrived. He got the fucking hint after the second time.

7

In that case, can you get them to do something about all these $()%)! power outages?

8

This, clearly, is one of the benefits of not having much in the way of friends.

Although my cell provider called me up this morning on the pretext of saving me money* and commenced to ask me questions like “How many minutes do you currently have in your plan?” and “How much is your monthly bill?” That’s when I said, “I’m not going to answer any more questions that you should know the answers to already.” So she asked me again how much my monthly bill is, and I said “Goodbye.”

  • Good luck. I’m already on the “got no friends who aren’t vampires” plan with 300 minutes at $29.99.
9

I just dropped in to say that I think the phrase “a voice from the past calls out of the blue” is an unexpectedly harmonious and pleasing combination of cliches.

Sort of a sweet melancholy resonance, like Vaughn Williams’ “The Sky Above the Roof”.

10

These fucking MLM “multiple level marketing” assholes. A friend and I were at a club once, here in Tokyo, and this “All American, good looking kid from next door” type starts talking to us. He asked the three or four general interest questions to show that he’s “a buddy” and gives us his name card, so my friend gives him one back. I smell something fishy and tell him I don’t have one.

A couple of days later he calls my friend at work and tells him about the great opportunity he really wants to share with my friend, who is not he’s friend as well. Isn’t this a great universe, where we all are such good friends? Group hugs!!!

Like what ** Bad Samaritan** did, my friend names some way out of the fuck place to meet and then doesn’t show. The guy calls back the next day. Rinse and repeat.

A few months later, we were at the same club and another “All American, good looking kid from next door” type starts talking to us. He asked the three or four general interest questions to show that he’s “a buddy” and then just as he’s about ready to give us his name card, the first guy shows up.

Surprise, surprise. It seems All American Guy No. 1 and All American Guy No. 2 know each other. Both visit the same non-gay club and strike up conversations with other guys. While our two new friends are talking to each other, Guy No. 2’s girlfriend is left talking to two drunk Americans who know what the score is.

We feign interest in her and her boyfriend, and start asking questions like where is he from, etc. Then go for the difficult ones. “What does he do?” She freezes, and looks over to him for help. You can’t just admit to being a scam artist, you need to frame it with “great opportunity” first, but she doesn’t know how. She’s still hesitating, so we have fun.

“Oh, you don’t know what he does?” Did you just meet tonight? She denies that but still is at a loss. She’s only watched her boyfriend make pitches to random strangers, and has never been in the spotlight herself. Her mouth opens, no words come out, and it shuts. We’re having fun. I tell my friend, “I bet he must be in the CIA, that’s why she can’t tell us.” Her eyes are now wide, she’s in shock and losing her mind. We’re really enjoying ourselves, and the half dozen beers haven’t hurt.

Suddenly Guy No. 2 remembers he had left his prey alone, he almost spins back to talk to us, and turns on that $1,000,000 smile. “Hey guys, sorry, that’s a friend of mine!” “No problem,” we say, “we were just going.”

11

I was going to completely ignore him after last night, but I think after reading some of the responses maybe I will bait him a couple of times. Probably wont teach him any lesson, but it will inconvenience him and give me the childish satisfaction of quasi-retribution.

He mentioned having an appointment near the airport. So maybe this yarn will suffice. I’ll call him up and say that I actually have to swing by the airport (coincidentally!) on Monday night to pick up my boss who’s coming back from Kansas and doesn’t want to incur cab fare to get home. Since I don’t have to pick him until 8, why don’t we meet there @ 7 and have dinner at the Max & Erma’s in the main terminal. Hell, I’ll even call them up and set up a reservation under his name to make it look real. This way he’ll have to incur parking expense to park in the terminal garage and then he’ll sit there at the restaraunt looking like a schlub. While I’m home laughing at his expense. I know that Mrs. Snowblindfrog will not like this plan. I will have to think this one through.

12

I have an ex friend who did this. He had a party; we were all excited to see him; he gives us one beer each and tries to sell us Herbalife for the next hour.

Bye bye dickhead.

13

I work in his building, I think. Canton? Want me to break his legs?

:wink:

14

I used to be in charge of ordering office supplies at my workplace, and I got some calls from some real scumbags trying to unload their wares on me. One lady managed to fool me with “<the company president’s name> said I should talk to you” like they were old friends. I found out later they weren’t.

But since Mrs. Shyster suckered me once, she figured she could do it again. But this time she got some guy to call me. He could have won an Oscar. He started off with this voice that sounded like he was on the verge of tears. He introduced himself as Joe Blow Esquire, and that he was an attorney representing Mrs. Shyster’s estate.

He said he was calling everybody on her contact list to let them know she would be closing down her business due to illness, and that she would be recovering with family members in Bumfuck Florida. He gave me her address in case I wanted to send a Get Well card. He then told me she wanted to show her appreciation to all her customers for being her cherished friends and compatriots. He said I would be receiving a set of Crystal Tumblers and a Box of Somepretensioussoundingname’s Chocolate Delights.

Then came the scam: he said they looked through their inventory and found that they had a package of office supplies with my name on it that they could send to me. I said “No, I don’t have any outstanding orders.” He asked me if I was sure, and I said “I’m looking at my records now. Nothing outstanding.” I was actually flipping my desk calendar or something.

He sounded surprised, and said “No problem! We’ll just cancel the shipment!” and hung up.

Months later, I got a call from Mrs. Shyster again, who tried the first tactic again. “Bob said I should talk to you.” I told her “Look lady, pretending you’re friends with my boss to trick me into ordering crap worked one time before, but it won’t work again. Get a new scam.” My coworker told me “Man, you’re cold!”

15

We used to have ever so much fun with cold-callers: things like pretending to ask a colleague to call security to trace the call, asking the caller if they knew exactly where they had called, or simply interrupting their spiel and growling, “What are you trying to sell use?”

16

I think you should go to the meeting - perhaps all his insurance needs aren’t being met. Bring some of your company’s informational pamphlets. :wink:

17

When I was looking for work two years ago, I put my resume on Monster. I received the following response:

I sent the following response (this is C&Ped from my Gmail account):

Six months later, I got another email from the same fucknuts:

How much pleasure I derived from forwarding the previous email with the words “I refer you to my email of last November…”

18

Heh. A couple I used to hang out with (with them and their three kids) were in an ugly divorce and the guy wanted me to be there when they exchanged kids one day, just as a witness. I chickened out, not wanting to be dragged into this. We’re not friends anymore, but the upside is, I won’t have to deal with requests like that anymore! woot.

19

I got this same call years back FROM MY COUSIN.

Not one of those cousins that live far away and I never see her, no one of the 20 minute away, went to both her weddings ones.

Just a nice call to say how ya doin’? And we all ought to get together and hang out one day soon, and by the way, how me and Hubby come out by you and talk about this great opportunity we’ve gotten on board with and we want to share with you…

Geez, my own cousin. Well, she always was the flaky one.

20

Many years ago, I boarded a bus, and noticed two insanely hot girls sitting together. I gave them a little smile and sat down kind of far away from them and looked out the window. They were immediately all over me, chatting me up, etc. It got so far as them inviting me to their place that night. Part of me was jumping up and down (but mostly up) at my unbelieveable luck, and part of me was wondering what was really going on.

Bible study group.