I got lots of textbooks. Books as PDF files etc. I bookmarked lots of studies and interesting articles. I am learning German. And so on.
The books sits in a box in my apartment.
The PDF files are on the HDD. Backed up in three different systems and HDDs.
I randomly get a feeling that I can’t put a name on it. I can’t really describe it. It’s something to with curiosity.
I pull a random book and start reading. Without any study or reading plan.
I got bored and got lost after an hour and go back to play video games or start cooking food.
I can’t keep that excitement going and going and going as long as I want it to go. Ohhh 
Like… until I master the book or the subject.
I used to take Ritalin. It’d help. If you ever experience something similar, you might want to consider it.
I once read a facebook status update: “I think idealism is an addiction too.”
I agree. I can’t read and know everything. No matter how many job interviews I failed. No matter how average my grades were. No matter how many times I got defeated in discussions about a random subject. No matter how stupid some think I am.
That is a rather random post but I had to write it. Maybe I had to write this to see what I am thinking. It’s useful to write down something to become aware of what is on your mind. Don’t expect an 100% accuracy of awareness.