After many grueling weeks of tabulation and calculation by accountants from Andersen, The Academy of Friedoian Studies is now prepared to announce the highly anticipated Friedo Awards, recognizing excellence in film for the past year (give or take a 18 months.)
Cheeziest Dialog:
Heist
Worst Independent Film:
Rocky Road
Worst Independent Film Not Using a Tripod:
The Blair Witch Project
Worst Sequel:
Blair Witch 2
Best Foreign Film in Three or More Languages Simultaneously
Soloman and Gaynor:
Most Not-That-Clever Plot Twists:
Heist
Most Not-That-Clever Characters:
The Royal Tenenbaums
Best Red Hair:
Run Lola Run
Worst Movie Featuring Large Ball Berrings:
Rollerball
Best French Film in Which Audrey Tautou Speaks French:
Amelie
Best French Film in Which Ron Perlman Attempts to Speak French:
City of Lost Children
Best French Film Set in a Condom Factory:
The Closet
Movie Most Robbed of Its Original Vision:
AI: Artificial Intelligence
Cleverist Sight Gags:
The Royal Tenenbaums
Best Comedy About Male Models
Zoolander
Sad Commentary on David Duchovney’s Career:
Zoolander
Sadder Commentary on David Duchovney’s Career:
Evolution
Saddest Commentary on David Duchovney’s Career:
Return To Me
Most Morbid Chick Flick:
Return To Me
Best War Movie in Which Russians Speak With English Accents:
Enemy at the Gate
Best War Movie Masquerading as Historical Document:
Black Hawk Down
Worst War Movie, Ever:
Pearl Harbor
Preachiest Sappy Liberal Movie:
John Q.
Best Feature Film From a 20 Minute Screenplay:
Run Lola Run
Worst Feature Film From a 20 Minute Screenplay:
Sliding Doors
Movie Most Resembling a Bad Trip:
Go
Movie Most Resembling a Bad Trip on a College Campus:
Waking Life
Most Nauseating Animation:
Waking Life
Best CG Animation:
Monsters, Inc
Most Annoying CG Animation:
Ice Age
Worst Direct-To-Video Disney Sequels:
Return to Neverland
Cinderella II
Beauty and the Beast II
The Land Before Time LXXVII
Most Annoying Purple Dinosaur:
Barney
Thank you and goodnight.