The breathless anticipation of Saddam’s suspended sentence.
“895 Days that Changed the World?” Come on now. The guy can’t really be saying that all 895 days of Ford’s term changed the world. A couple of them, maybe.
Extreme mundane, but if you flew home after visiting me, and I ask you, “How was your trip?” unless something amazing happened, or if something funny happened, the proper response is, “It was fine.”
And then, for the love of rodent posteriors everywhere, stop right there.
I do not need to hear every single little boring detail about how you checked in your luggage, what you did why you waited, the fact that there was a little kid three seats away who was good, that you got in 5 minutes early and then had to look for your car. How you got home.
“It was fine.”
That’s all you need to say.
Use the time you saved on charity work or something, okay?
“Suspended” being the operative word. 
Not to make light of the situation there, but is a major snowstorm in Denver in December really news? I mean, it’s Colorado , fer chrissakes! Their entire winter economy is based on snowfall! When they have a week of 75 degree temperatures in the middle of January, call me. Otherwise, it’s just a big :rolleyes: .
Great job, everybody. I haven’t seen a single item here that I disagree with.
If I may reemphasize an important point about Paris Hilton? She inherited a lot of money. Then she released a steamy video on the Internet. Then she appeared on a few reality TV shows. And released a CD. And slept with a lot of guys. And for this she gets more coverage than freakin’ Madonna? Has she done anything…one single thing, one goddam solitary measly thing, that can crediby be called even the tiniest bit unusual*? Sheesh…if you can be a celebrity for what Paris Hilton did, you can be a celebrity for BREATHING.
One that hasn’t been mentioned yet: Bob Knight’s inevitable breaking of the record for all-time coaching wins. I’ll be blunt: The only reason he’ll break the record is that nobody at Indiana had the balls to stand up to a petty tyrant and bully with absolutely no self-control whatsoever and show him the door until it was years too late. The worst part is that the news outlets covering the milestone don’t even talk about this anymore. I mean, George Steinbrenner is a titanic jerk who’s won a lot. Nobody has any illusions about this, and nobody’s seriously argued that those championships somehow make him a better person. Why can’t we ever have the same candor about Knight? If all anyone has to say is the same tired crap about kids needing discipline or not pandering to the new way of thinking or how graduating his athletes excuses every deranged criminal act he’s ever done…gah, forget it. Wake me when the fawning is over.
- Come to think of it, you could say much the same for Princess Diana. What, she’s the only woman who’s ever gone through a messy divorce with a lot at stake or something?
Bearing in mind that there are thousands of asteroids out there that we only theoretically know exist let alone their orbits we cant say that we ARE’NT due a strike until such and such a time with any certainty .
I have no cite but I believe that the next KNOWN earth approaching asteroid (believed I think,to come closer then the orbits of some of our artificial satellites) is in 2028 not 50,000 years.
In the event of our being able to stop global warming,which wont be achieved by throwing money at the problem but by population decrease ,it would be a real pisser if we shortly afterwards became extinct due to an asteroid strike and all our ecological good work ruined by the following "nuclear winter " that would be part
of the package.
Putting your fingers in your ears and humming loudly every time the threat is brought up wont make that threat go away.
and, better, celebrities who weigh a whole 100 lb and all the magazine covers are all, “BABY BUMP???” or “DEPRESSION WEIGHT GAIN!!!” or “WHAT’S WRONG WITH GERTRUDE THE RANDOM CELEBRITY?” and get all “did she just kick a drug habit? Did she have a bad breakup? Does she have compulsive overeating disorder? how could she let herself go like this???”
bonus points if they’re crying over how Nicole Richie is OMG DYING one week and then how Britney Spears must be stress eating because she hates her children and misses Kevin the next.
I don’t give a rat’s ass about the weather shriekers in FL. Guess what- know how many hurricanes made landfall in south FL this year? ZERO. Take your 20-year cycle of horror, death, and utter destruction and cram it up your cramhole. Thanks a lot for scaring all the tourists off and making it a terrible summer economically this year. Assholes. Yes, hurricanes are part of FL life, but Jesus H it’s not the only part. OH also, I don’t give a rats ass about anyone that’s so fucking stupid that they don’t have any water or food when a hurricane does hit. You know what? If you can’t afford to keep supplies on hand for an emergency that is likely to occur, you need to move someplace else or just drop off the face of the Earth and stop relying on everyone else to take care of your stupid ass.
Same for the snow shriekers. OMG SNOW!! IN DENVER!!! Look, when it snows in the Keys, put it on the news. Otherwise stop making every single normal weather event look like the fucking apocalypse.
Rachael Ray.
I confess to enjoying 30-Minute Meals, and I applaud her gumption in tackling the Spam quesadilla at Mr Whitekey’s (alas, no more); but when it seems like every third magazine a the checkstand is flogging an article about her frenetic lifestyle, that crosses the line. And I’d like to be able to pick up a box of Wheat Thins without being confronted with her phiz.
Besides, she misspells her name. Just ask my younger daughter (and be prepared to duck).
Read the whole thread, did we?
And getting condescending and snippy when someone denigrates the media going up in flames when scientists talk about a threat fifty thousand years in the future doesn’t make it logically follow that that person is talking about “every time the threat is brought up,” so fold your self righteous “I look reality in the face, bitch” attitude 'til it’s all corners and cram it sideways.
What, you’ve forgotten about Terry Schiavo already?
I know, the angels are weeping for me. It’s not the first time.
I don’t give a rat’s ass what any religious jujuman, be he the Pope, any given imam, or Pat Robertson, thinks about anything unless it’s something that isn’t utterly predictable. Pope thinks abortions are OK? That’s news. Pope thinks peace is a good thing? Not news. Same with Pat Robertson. Pat opposes women’s breasts? Not news. Pat thinks drugs help you find Jaysus? News. An imam wants people killed for dissing Allah? Not news? An imam thinks his country could use a more secular approach to government? News.
I don’t give a rats ass about Tom Cruise, Britney Spears, Ashley Simpsons and the lives of celebrities
Lindsay Lohan. Could someone please point her in the right direction of all the various rehabs she needs (like for alcohol, defensive driving, anger management, co-dependency, work ethics, etiquette, excessive spending and attention whoring so that she doesn’t always end up attending the opening of an envelope just to get her name in the press… again, and all that’s just right off the top of my head), as well as not letting her anywhere near a stripper pole. C’mon folks, do we really need to go there after every. last. bit. of. her. that we’ve seen for free?
I believe a dose of maturity is in order. Or at the very least, young Potter’s invisibility cloak.
If the current Pope is going to be a perennial nominee, perhaps the awards should be nicknamed the “Ratzis”.
The Ratsies (Ratzis. heh. 
) need some kind of emblem or logo that can be applied to a sticker or postcard or T-shirt.
Ratzies. Rhymes with nazis.
I would love not to give a rat’s ass about so many people or things, but unfortunately they’re so damn annoying that I HAVE to. If I had a button to destroy the whole planet, me included, I would push it. Peace at last, blessed peace.
PS: I don’t kill myself because that would be granting too much power to the Madonnas and Britneys of the world. But if I ever get a hold of the nuclear button… adios, Earth.
I’m seeing a really degenerate, apathetic-looking cartoon rodent, kind of holding his tail over his arm.
Boyo Jim, for some reason, your post made me chuckle. Probably because I can at least somewhat relate to it (especially the “Peace at last, blessed peace” part).
Sounds like you’re a prime candidate to become a charter member of The Society for the Elimination of Humanity!