Oh good, I get to be the villain. Every plot needs one. Here goes.
The Artist is the single best advertisement for sound movies ever made.
Want more? Here’s a bigger heresy. Tolstoy’s line, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” is the stupidest thing ever quoted from a major writer.
I was panting to see The Artist. It sounded wonderful. And for the first half hour or so, it was wonderful. It was filled with wit, and wit is one of the most delightful things to see on screen. And seeing was the word: since the film was silent you had to pay attention every second, but the simplicity of the action - the opposite of action films where everything is a blur of unimportant motion - meant that you could see all the bits and pieces that the camera focused on.
And then Valentin got fired and all the wit went out of the movie. For an hour - an interminable hour - he went downhill. Every scene was predictable; every scene dragged; every scene was an another invitation to kick this guy and tell him to shape up. I know Hollywood history possibly second best to Eve here. I know how true this all was. I also know how much I don’t want to spend an hour watching this in a comedy. Many people have made the comparison to Singing in the Rain. It’s a good comparison, since both are based on the same nonsense caricature of the silent era. But the downfall scenes in that movie are a minor fraction of the picture. And the wit doesn’t stop for a second during them. It even picks up during the wonderful “Moses Supposes” song.
There is one moment of Artist that compares: the dream sequence. When the sound of the glass clinking on the table rings out I could feel the entire theater sit bolt upright. That short sequence was a choreographed dance of bringing inanimate objects to life. If Chaplin, or better, Keaton, had seen that instead of The Jazz Singer in 1927 he would have kicked himself in the head (they were probably limber enough to do it, too) and rushed out to top it. (Synchronization may not have been up to it, but they would have found a way soon enough.)
Then, the deluge. He drinks, he mopes, he rolls his eyes, he sinks, he drinks, he sabotages himself. Every downfall sequence is all alike. It’s only every happy sequence that is happy in its own way. And it lasts for an hour. While we sit in the audience waiting for the magic to reappear. The tap dance number - sound! music! - is too little, too late. But again, the theater is electrified by the return of sound, talking, chatter, life! in the final seconds.
The other problems are minor in comparison, but significant. A great comment I read is that Valentin is the only character with an arc. The others have a sentence attached to them the first time on screen and remain stuck to it for every minute thereafter. John Goodman is an oversized Goy playing a tiny Jew. Bérénice Bejo has a lovely expressive face but her neck alone is longer than the bodies of all the silent stars and she’s twice as old as her character. I wouldn’t mind if Jean Dujardin wins the acting Oscar though.
The Artist will not bring back silent movies. It sticks an Oscar through their heart and writes them off as limited nostalgia.