<surveys carnage>
Hmmmm…Be right back. I should be able to get this mess cleaned up…time to bring out the RoboGoat Mark V!
Don’t worry…nothing can possibly go wrong this time. 
sniff
wipes away one small tear
It’s beautiful in an absolutely chaotic sort of way.
It was like when the Deathstar blew up. Just with more phlegm.
Wow. I have never read a more moving and poetic description of carnage. Bravo!
Come on, bras0978. You can’t make a comment like that and leaving us hanging.
What’s the rest of the story? How’d you get the scar? What happened to the Rabbi? What is a “vegetable bazooka”?
Golly, qwest, that made a hell of a bang! Reminds me of the vegetable bazooka episode - I’ve still got the scar.
Well, everyone is accounted for.
Except the Rabbi. I think he would have wanted it this way.
I’m still here. Shaken and scarred, but present.
By the way…the plural of mongoose is mongooses, you illiterate peasant!
heh heh . . . sorry everybody, that’s my fault. I was just working on the precise chemical formulation of Kosher pickles when one of the mongeese escaped and knocked over the highly volatile fuel I’ve been working on for HalBriston’s latest robotic ruminant. Is anyone hurt?
Sure, you can use all the vegetables you want in this kind of encounter. They’re pretty cheap if you know where a roadside stand is getting rid of the stuff that’s been around all day in the hot sun. But you’ve really got to use melons to get a person’s attention, and show him who’s boss. To me, nothing says food fight like a good ol’ fashioned pumpkin upside the head. It’s just the way I was raised.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get these stains out of my chaps. And who knew those things could each that much leather that fast!
I think the key here is to get the RoboGoat Mark V back in working order. We used to use him for initiations, but more recently he’s been our main source for “pre-processing” vegetables for the food fights. It’s a bit nasty, but the result is, in a word, effective. I remember the last time, we were all sat down at a Seder, which was a new thing for me, not being of a particular religious persuasion. Still, we’d been friends with the Rabbi and his family ever since we moved into that neighborhood. I remember thinking “this guy’s way to cool to be a rabbi” when I first met him, at Halloween, and he was dressed as a sort of hippie on rollerskates, being pulled behind his dog, a largish golden retriever. He had his youngest, Brandon, pulled behind them in a stroller. As Og is my witness, had I know that things would turn out the way that they did I never would have loaded up the bazooka with RoboGoat “leavings”. Especially as the particular produce we’d used for that halloween was a bit past it’s prime, which meant that it was almost certainly fermented.
Who knew that the RoboGoat would have a problem venting, so to speak, at least until enough gas had built up until it was too late. Well, we hooked the veggie bazooka up to the RoboGoat. You can just imagine what happened next. I doubt that I can do the scene justice. First, there was a large gaseous explosion that left everyone in the vicinity gasping for breath. This was almost immediately followed by screams and cries as we were all showered with a technicolor rain of the most odiferous sort. Penis ensued, as the randy goat mounted the distraught Rabbi’s wife and proceeded to try and make goatlets. I was able to get my wife to cover the childrens eyes as I beat off the goat with the business end of the bazooka. That’s when the RoboGoat turned and rammed me, knocking me back over. Unfortunately (or perhaps it was fortune), I don’t really remember anything that happened after that. I do recall sitting up as the paramedics came in, performing triage on the injured, and noticing that my pants were missing. Apparently the goat had eaten them soon after incapacitating me. But other than my ego and my stomach being bruised I was okay. I wish I could say the same for the others.
What on Earth just happened here?
OK, everybody look casual, before the Governor shows up. I hope he doesn’t notice the mess. And that pile of turkeys and phlem over in the corner. And of course the vegetables. I’ll be over there, hiding the prosthetics and the manhole covers, if anyone needs me.
Man, that was something.
sigh As interested as I am in the details of your secret life as an centipede, I really think we should return to the OP.
Now, if it were me, I would insert the cabbage immediately prior to the solar eclipse, in order to take advantage of the lull in vampiric activity during that time.
snort - wipes milk
I wish I could make puns like that.
Looks like a danish to me.
Look, Hal, the explosion wasn’t Shibb’s fault, it was clearly an accident with one of the mongooses. (Mongeese? Anyway.) I think the damage is reparable. We’ll fix your goat, see?
Me too - and people used to be a lot more tolerant of the insects.
Whoosh !!
Oh, and yeah, I’ve also noticed that there’s something very odd about the way that the new software is working. It’s almost as if the dates are posting backwards.
Won’t somebody post a picture of the RoboGoat, pre-explosion?