Is this the same RoboGoat that caused so much trouble at the dopefest in KC last year?
Won’t somebody think of the RoboGoats?
Young people today, they think they have it hard. Lying about on rocks and in trees all day, nothing to do except clean up after the occasional chemical explosion. It’s all I can do not to tell them that when I was a child, we slept underneath the rock. And we enjoyed it.
Kids today. :mad:
It was a pretty rough period for me. You can imagine how difficult it was for me, I mean, when I wasn’t shimmying up and down the tree, I could only sleep on the only flat surface I could find. Any idea how uncomfortable sleeping on a pile of rocks (aka rubble) is? All the while, wondering if I was going to wake up glowing green from the chemical waste laying around.
Thanks for reminding me.
::sniff::
Speaking of very occupation-specific pranks, you know what would be a great gag to play on an Egyptologist? Get a sarcophagus (if none are available, make one out of the kit you can get at Hobby Lobby) and fill it with about 20,000 mice and a papier-mâché replica of a mummy. Dig a really shallow hole and plant the sarcophagus on the campus, museum grounds, wherever the Egyptologist is employed. Take a walk with him (or her, which might be even better, since chicks are all scared of mice and stuff) to get coffee or something, and leave the path for a second so you can casually and “accidentally” trip over the patch of ground where the soil is still loose from digging.
As the sarcophagus is exposed, shout in mock surprise something on the order of “Who knew Erich von Daniken’s “crackpot” theory about the ancient astronauts bringing the secrets of mummification and sarcophagus manufacture to not only Egypt, but the indigenous people who inhabited this tract of land around 1400 B.C., was right all along?” As the Egyptologist begins to pry open the lid of the “relic”, excuse yourself and start walking away so you can watch from a safe distance when the mice escape and start attacking the poor boffin!
Oh, by the way, TellMeI’mNotCrazy never wraped out her account of that crazy summer she spent trying to breach the security at Area 51. Last I heard, she had found she could shimmy up and down a tree near the perimeter fence. With her binoculars, she could get some tantalizing glimpses of apparent skulduggery, but she hadn’t snapped any photos yet. How about finishing the story, TMINC?
[Scotty voice]The Goat, she won’t take any more, Jim-the engine’s’ll blow![/voice]
See?? What’d I tell you??!?
::tears of laughter streaming down face::
My god, that is hilarious. I have never heard a tale like it (or tail, if you’ll excuse the pun).
That reminds me of a trick you can play on mechanics of building site vehicles (alright, it’s a bit occupation-specific, but what the hell). When they’re working on the digger, say, wait till they leave it unattended. If you sidle up to it slowly, you should be able to get to the hydraulic pump compartment before they see you.
There’s a space between the pump itself, and the back of the casing. If you are careful, you can drop some kind of blockage (a pork loin I’ve found is best) in there, which will prevent the pump from functioning properly. Nothing too dangerous, if it’s been properly maintained, but it’ll take them ages to work it out. The only problem happens when the blockage actually gets sucked into the hydraulic pump - I’m sure you can imagine it makes a bit of a mess - time to look nonchalant.
I had a similar experience one summer. Call it the indiscretion of youth, or the inability to turn down a dare, but somehow, I ended up trying to break into Area 51, and see if I couldn’t put to rest once and for all some of the crazy claims that we’ve all heard.
It started out fairly uneventfully. With the purchase of a GPS device and the assistance of a local resident (who I’ll call Sammy), I managed to find the compound. It was a little bit anti-climactic; you think of Area 51 and you think of this humongous, hi-tech, highly guarded complex. In reality, it was little more than a chain link fence, a plain white building, with a few trees in the area (a little bit strange, I thought, considering we were in the middle of the desert). There were only two guards, lightly armed, patrolling the fence, so I figured the challenge wasn’t all too great.
I found a tree that overhung a section of the fence by a few feet. Easy enough, I figured - I’d just shimmy up the tree and drop out on the other side. The problem was that the guards seemed to spend a good deal of time around this section, for obvious reasons. (You’d think they would have simply cut down the tree, but maybe the EPA figured these miraculous desert-growing elms were too miraculous to mess with.) So Sammy and I contrived to come up with a distraction.
At a gas station a few miles out, Sammy found a truck. He radioed me to let me know about his find, and assured me that he had a good plan. He would simply blow through a portion of the gate a good distance from the tree, thereby calling the attention of the two guards. He claimed to be a really fast runner, so he was not worried about being able to outrun them and would meet me inside the complex. A little hesitantly, I agreed, and making sure my equipment was ready (what’s a visit to Area 51 worth without some photographs?) I waited for my cue.
Shortly after, Sammy radioed again to let me know he was making his approach. He drove past me, and as he sped off into the distance, I was mortified to see the unmistakable “Radioactive Materials” badge fixed to the back of the truck. I tried desperately to get in touch with him over the radio but he didn’t respond. As he disappeared into the distance, I began my ascent up the tree. Just as I reached the fork in the tree, I saw a guard approaching. I have to admit, I was more than a little scared, and I froze where I was. Suddenly, the radio gave off a burst of static, followed by Sammy’s voice, sounding very distant. “Ready (crackle) set (static)”
BOOM!
I swear the tree moved two feet to the right. A massive cloud of smoke billowed out of the distance. Debris was flying through the air, and the guard that had been approaching had a comical expression of surprise on his face. He spun around, but the impact knocked him to the ground. As he stood up, still looking dazed, a side mirror - presumably from Sammy’s truck - came whistling through the hair, and nailed him, right in the ass! The guard was down for the count. I took the opportunity to make my grand entrance and shimmied out on a far reaching branch, and dropped down on the other side. I whipped out the trusty binoculars and quickly surveyed the scene. Imagine my surprise when I saw Sammy’s slightly battered figure emerging from the smoke and debris. He gave me a somewhat sheepish smile and said, “I knew plutonium meant something, but the only thing I could think of was Deloreans!” Not knowing what to say, I just scanned the area with my binoculars, hoping for a glimpse of something that I could capture on film.
There’s a little more to the story but, it’s a painful tale, and I have to go to work… All I can say is it took days before I was able to get out of the compound, and I’m not sure I’ll ever really heal from the experience.
Well, that’s certainly not what I was expecting!
Eh, I wasn’t all that suprised. I mean, I pretty much expected the penguins to attempt a military coup sooner or later.
Thanks. If I go for Mansion House, that should prevent any lateral Northern Line movement, keeping Mornington Crescent locked in.
Now please, guys, stay on topic this time.
Ooh, that’s hardly parliamentary language, is it now? And you kiss my mother with that mouth!
AND - I looked it up in the OED - you spelled it wrong, you silly moo!
As an aside, I would never, ever, ever have thought that that could be done with some balloon animals and condiments. You learn something new every day.
Whoa… surveys the wreckage
Who did that to the goat?
With balloon animals and condiments, too. 
See?? See?? That’s why I started desiging the RoboGoat line! I have no worries about random 16-ton weights dropping from the ceiling. The new RG Mark V I’ve come up with is, for all intents and purposes, indestructable. It could take a shot like that with no problem at all, unlike poor Smushy there.
Ewwwww…mustard. Yuck.
Hey, did you hear the news from Antarctica? A bunch of penguins got an army together, and in a meticulously coordinated effort,different divisions simultaneously attacked the different countries’ bases – the Russian, American, British, French, Australian, Chilean, etc. Apparently the birds are going to apply for admission to the United Nations as the Monarchy of Ice Cream, named for one of their favorite foods (no wonder penguins often appear on packaging for frozen treats!) Strangely, all but one of the leaders are Adelie penguins, but the one exception is now running the show. Yes, the only Emperor is the Emperor of Ice Cream!
Hal, I really have to congratulate you on this new RoboGoat. Very impressive how it didn’t even notice the same abuse that totally destroyed the old one. This new version doesn’t run on mustard, though, does it? I always thought that was an odd choice for propellant, but then again, I’m not a Goat engineer.
Say, what’s that on CNN? They keep showing penguins. Hmmm…
Oh geez…wouldyalookit this mess?? Goat entrails, ketchup and sauerkraut (hard to tell which is which), latex and mylar fragments all over the place…
I told you not to use 100lb. test fishing line when you’re trying to hold up 16 tons!
grumblegrumblethiswasanewshirttoogrumblegrumble…
Hey Hal, could you help me hoist this 16-ton weight? grunt Wile E asked me to help him out; another of his crazy schemes, no doubt. Funny thing is, grunt the ACME 16-Ton Weight Hoisting Kit only came with this fishing line to hold it up. Oh, well, I guess they know what they’re doing, right? Right?
sttrrrreeetttccchhh
snap
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THUD
heh heh . . . oops, see you guys later. It’s all Wile E’s fault, I swear!