The "Bad Smells" thread

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So, I’m hangin’ out in the garage playing a little silverball and as usual, my loyal canine companions are just behind me, at my feet. They regularly accompany me out there to prevent me from drinking alone. :wink:

Anyway, I’m suddenly smacked in the back of the cranium with a wave of stink that nearly made me lose my ball! “Hey!”, says I, “I recognize that smell!”. I had to Beer-Fart just for a respite. It inspired this thread…

Now, I have few skills and fewer talents, but one thing I do have is a “supernose” which can be a curse as much as a blessing. I can detect odors that most people can’t, determine what they are and where they are coming from. Pretty shitty Super-Power, huh?

I’ve come across a few over my life and actually named a couple. Here they are:

Dachshund Box- Back to the loyal canine companions that are the blame for this post. Let’s start by saying Weiner Dogs stink. Bad. All on there own. And then they like to hunt, kill, roll in offal, livestock crap and whatever else they can get thier little paws into. And now they gotta sleep somewhere. But not in my house! The little darlings are boxed in the Mud Room at night in nice little plastic boxes filled with beds, pillows and blankets. One whiff of these little chambers of horror will knock your socks off and make you see stars. The stink in the garage was the two fiesty little buggers wrestling and stirriing up a double-whammy of Weiner-Dog essence. Not good.

Dishwasher Feet- As a fry, I worked in various Hotel/Casino resturants during the summers. Well, this one place had a dude that worked as a dishwasher who was a little, well, off. The dishwasher area was real hot, and pretty moist, and this guy would wear leather shoes with no socks! Ripe does not began to describe this funk. Sickingely repugnant and wretch-inducing. I shudder when I think about it.

Trucker Butt- Okay, now I admit, I have never smelled a trucker’s ass, but I imagine its pretty bad. Now, these guys are the backbone of America’s transportation system, so who can blame them if they don’t get a lot of time for personal hygeine and thier diets consist of mainly stuff you can get easily on the side of a freeway? Toss in the availability of “Lot Lizards” and the fact that thier jobs demand a pretty much constant stewing of the neither regions in a comefy seat. Not a lot of fresh goin’ on down there. I use this term do describe the odd horrific stench that might waft my way. I imagine the collective ass-crack of the national soccor team of Dontbatheastan after a double-header exihibition match in Panama.

Feel free to add you own.

2

Greatest Area Effect: a friend of mine cleared the intersection of Fremont and Main in Vegas one night with a fart fueled by homebrew and chili. I mean cleared it. People across the street fled in disgust.

3

As a Homebrewer myself, I know the horror of which you speak! Well done!

4

I’ll contribute the fertilizer company’s manure-rotting station (I think that’s what it is) located about a mile from our house. In the summer we have to avoid the area entirely and drive a different route to and from our home because there is no way to seal that smell out of the car. We have driven past it in the cold season when it is not so active, and it appears to have multiple long rows of heaped-up manure laid out on several acres with an asphalt or concrete surface. They have surrounded the place with a hedge of shrubbery, but that does little to mitigate what smells like a 50 ton dead mouse. Fortunately we live in hilly country and the smell never makes it to our house.

BTW, it does not smell like manure, which is something I am quite accustomed to smelling out here in the country. Even the rankest pig manure would be a breath of fresh air compared to this stuff.

5

Some of the stuff that gets pushed to the back of the fridge. If it’s in a sealed container, and gets hidden behind other stuff, it might not get noticed for weeks.

I had one a while ago that had me gagging and retching as i opened the tupperware container and washed the remains of whatever-it-was down the sink.

6

Here’s one I’ve coined: Frumundi

Go on a backpacking trip in the forest for about five days without bathing, on the fith day take scratch underneath your nutsack and sniff your fingers.* Frumundi*

7

I’ve had people get on the bus that smelled so bad the stink was almost something physical, like a forcefield. What’s particularly baffling is it is often totally unrelated to their appearance- the scruffiest looking hobo might get on and only have a whiff of cigarette smoke on him, then the guy in the pinstriped suit and briefcase gets on and my eyes literally start tearing up from the stink.

What’s funny is sometimes they have this ‘stink radius’ where people ignore Mr. Stinky until he gets about 6 feet away from them and they react like a pack of antelopes suddenly noticing a lion in the grass, this startled little jump, everybody suddenly looking all in the same direction. And warily moving away.

8

Years and years ago we boiled up a chicken carcass for stock and forgot about it for a few days on the back of the stove. The whole thing, pot and all, went straight into the garbage. To this day I can’t stand the smell of boiling chicken so I buy my stock at the supermarket.

9

Freeze it first, reduces the smell considerably.
The worst smell I have known was decomposing sea lion, the gas seemed to stick to you, you couldn’t shower it off, it hung around in your nose hairs. Must be the results of a seafood diet.

10

I was flying Malaysian Airlines to London once, and as usual the service was great. Except the meals were curry.

About an hour from London someone coughed in their rompers and woke the whole plane. And it was a Jumbo. I still wheeze thinking about it.

11

Closely related… “Office Chair Of Six Hundred Pound Man Who Apparently Can’t Totally Wash”. As a prank, we’d set a stack of papers in it and ask a new employee to go retrieve, and watch them wilt like a neglected office plant.

Another one… rotten beer. Experiment with the advice to put a bowl of Buweiser in your garden as slugicide/bait, in a warm but shady spot. Come back after a week or so. It smells like death itself.

12

Where I used to work, we had to oversight the destruction of bad beer. That is, if a keg went bad for whatever reason we had to ensure it was run to waste so the owner could claim the excise duty back. And yes, it was putrid.

I was doing this at a liquor distributor one day and one of the old guys there (old in 50 as I was pretty young) was a non drinker and he was asking how anyone could tip that vile stuff into their guts, When I went back a fortnight later he was gone- he had died of a heart attack. Convinced me not to give up drinking.

13

Oh, man! I know what you mean! I once worked with a guy in Vegas, in the summer for a few months. The guy was from another country and culture and daily washing wasn’t part of his routine. Vegas summers run in the 100’s almost every day.

Had a stench so bad you could feel it. It was like a** Dark Force**.

Sad thing was, he was a real nice guy, very talented and skilled as a mechanic, and had worked at the pinicle of World Championship motor racing. It would have been facinating to get to know him better and hear some good stories. But with the language barrier and the stink level, you just could not interact with the guy.

14

Who knew that paint could go bad? When I pried open an old can earlier this morning to touch up the garden gate, I was immediately confronted with a sulfuric stink. It appears that rainwater had gotten into the can and did something very unpleasant to the contents. There will be no painting today.

15

Gas gangrene in a patient’s foot. Closest I ever came to barfing in front of a patient.

Gangrenous ruptured bowel which ruptured in my face (at least I had mask and goggles on). Closest I ever came to barfing in a patient.

16

Last week, I had to track down The Potato. You know: that one that rolled away from his compatriots and landed in some random, out-of-the-way spot? Maybe he’s under the fridge, or in the back of the cabinet, or behind the dog food bin? Urk!

Still better than the story my husband told at the dinner table, about the hot weather body retrieval…

17

The worst thing I’ve ever smelled was a presumably homeless lady on the subway in New York city. It was springtime, but she was wearing so many layers of clothing I couldn’t tell how big she was. She resembled a hag (of the witchy variety) because the outermost layer she wore was a big black hooded robe-thing that completely concealed her body and face. The waves and waves of malodorous air coming off her body could peel paint off walls. I felt bad for her, but she wasn’t begging (and I wasn’t carrying cash anyway), so what could I have done? :frowning:

Related to that, one time I had an Irish exchange student for a roommate in college. She bathed every few days at the most (in the heat of a midwestern August, no less). I swear to god, after she sat around in our un-air-conditioned dorm all day, it smelled *exactly *like rancid russet potatoes.

18

They what?

19

Ive got asthma and a stubborn case of pneumonia. This made me reach for my inhaler. No more laughing!

20

It may be a down under term for breaking wind.