The Ballad of Tempura Terror; or FoodTV kitchens don't look this way afterwards!

The BBQ Pit
1

I chopped my veggies, and I steamed my rice
I got a thermometer, I’m gonna do this right
There ain’t no danger, this is gonna rock
Won’t use my frying pan: I got a hand-hammered wok
Grease is the food

On the Food Network they say it’s a breeze
Even Emril can do it if he’s got his flunkies
“You heat your grease and you fry with speed
You won’t use too much oil, that can’t be bad, you’ll conceed”

Grease is the food, is the food, I’ll conclude
To the right temp, I’m preheating
Grease is olive, or it’s lard, or canola
Grease cooks the things I am eating

Tempura batter I have just now mixed
(I didn’t use a whisk, I stirred it with my chopsticks)
The first one comes out kinda mushy, so
I turn the heat up high, far up as it’ll go

Grease is the food, is the food, I’ll conclude
To the right temp, I’m preheating
Grease is olive, or it’s lard, or canola
Grease cooks the things I am eating

I say a bad expression
as I burn my tongue. I’ll make this confession:
“I’m not doin this
Again!”

My floor is greasy and the walls are a fright
my stove is slipp’ry, my kitchen’s quite a sight!
Tomorrow: frozen pancakes with some syrup
it’s not as fancy, but there’s just lots less to cleanup.

Grease is the food, is the food, I’ll conclude
To the right temp, I’m preheating
Grease is olive, or it’s lard, or canola
Grease cooks the things I am eating

Grease is the food, is the food, I’ll conclude
To the right temp, I’m preheating
Grease is olive, or it’s lard, or canola
Grease cooks the things I am eating

Grease is the food,
is the food
is the food
is the food
is the food
is the food
[sub]is the food…[/sub]
Fenris, while cleaning

2

If I might make a suggestion…

After you dip your veggies in tempura batter, roll them in panko flakes before frying. When I do tempura, I don’t have the problems you seem to describe, probably because I don’t heat the grease as hot.

-Ben

3

If I may make another suggestion, pay somebody else to make your tempura. KFC got its start because most restaurants would only fry chicken on one day a week because of the mess.

4

Sometimes you really scare the hell out of me, Fenris. Stop it.
Marc
PS: Your pizza dough recipe was pretty good.

5

Ben: Panko, huh? Next time I get the nerve up to try it, I’ll give it a shot.

dropzone: True, but what would be the fun of that? (On the other hand, I wouldn’t end up scrubbing the walls after Kentucky Fried…

Marc: No. :slight_smile: and Thanks, glad you liked it!

Fenris

6

Well, you could break down and buy a spatter screen for your wok. Looks like a piece of metal window screen on a round frame with a handle. You can get 'em at any decent kitchen shop.

Or you could put your wok on your barbecue in the backyard. But then you’d end up with greasy grass.