Plenty of religious people have struggled with the problem of evil over the history of Christianity and found answers to their satisfaction. Since you say that your church isn’t overbearing on the issue, chances are that they could offer you some ways of thinking about the issue that might give you some peace of mind.
Honestly, though, the fact that you didn’t look to your faith community but instead came here, to a community that you know leans strongly irreligious, kind of suggests to me that you’ve reached a decision and are looking for validation. That’s perfectly fine; there’s nothing wrong with that. I only point it out because it might help you resolve your thinking if you’re clear in your own mind about what’s really motivating you.
Congratulations on the birth of your son (we will want pictures – just like we want pictures of cats)! Welcome to A_Nested_ThornSon, the world is more wonderful because you are in it.
To your conundrum about God/hell, my suggestion is to go to the Source. Spend some time in prayer, ask for wisdom about not only being a good father but also about how you need to relate to God. Be specific – I don’t want my son to go to hell and I can’t see how You can be good and send him or anyone there, so please enlighten me (something like that). Not to be dismissive but you are not the first person who has come to Him with this kind of problem.
I know you said you didn’t want to get guilted by a minister, so you may not want to go to someone in your home church. Can you pick another church in your denomination and go there for consoling? You may want to call before making an appointment and see if they have someone who is good with seekers – which is normally code for someone who has a theological problem.
I’m a little different from many on this thread – I was raised an atheist, from a very hard atheistic family. I found faith in collage – I believe I would be a much lesser person without my faith – I know I would be less happy. You may find that you will be happier with faith than without – ask yourself which would make you personally feel happier – which is more important to you a commitment to a possible objective truth that you can not worship a God that could send someone to hell or a possibility that you will be present with your loved ones after you die along with a God who loves both you and them.
MMV and all that, but if the parents are intelligent and respectful towards each others’ beliefs - which they IMO should be - this is IME not a necessary outcome. I’m atheist, my wife is moderately religious, and we’ve never had any issues we haven’t been able to resolve as loving and thinking adults.
I disagree. Even small children - at least when they are old enough to actually ask the pertinent questions - are fully capable of understanding that “mommy believes there’s a God, but daddy don’t”. A loving and respectful explanation of why religion is a matter of personal choice and that other peoples’ beliefs should generally be respected is totally within the range of stuff that the child is able to accept.
I found true freedom when I dumped faith, and it was quite a relief to me.
I raise my kids with the information they need to develop their own religious leanings. I did not take them to church until they were well past the overly-impressionable-small-child phase, and then I took them to a variety of places and exposed them to a variety of ideas. One kid is non-theistic and one has a vague and as yet under developed higher power leanings. We discuss the ideas without insulting the people who believe them.
I don’t see how you get to “he’s still not really caring either.”
Suppose for a second that you’re God, and you’re deciding how to construct a universe with intelligent beings in it. ISTM that you can either allow your intelligent beings to do bad shit to each other, or you restrict or deny them free will.
Choosing the former option doesn’t mean you don’t care, it just means that there are major drawbacks to the available options.
You may not really be undergoing a religious crisis, but rather just experiencing a syndrome common to new parents called “My Baby Is the Most Special Thing In The Universe, Nothing Bad Could Ever Possibly Happen To It!”
This is exactly the way I feel. HOWEVER, do not make the mistake of thinking that Christian faiths know any more about the nature of God than you do as a new father. In fact, you have experienced unconditional love for your son, and your love is but a tiny fraction of the love God has for you (if you believe in a “personified” God). There IS no such thing as Hell. I’m positive about that.
You don’t have to lose your faith, just throw out the stuff that no longer makes sense to you. Experience trumps doctrine every time. ALL doctrine was invented by human beings in an attempt to make sense of this world we’re in.
Try out the Unitarian Church. You’ll be comfortable there. Trust me. Try it.
When my kids were young, they attended church with friends, primarily for the social aspects. As they grew old enough to think about what they heard in church they eventually approached me with questions about why I did not go.
You could always cherry pick the good stuff and ignore the bad stuff. Tell him there’s a heaven, but no hell. Personally I’d just go with being atheist. You really don’t miss anything. Churches are like community centers, you’re getting fulfilled because you’re with like-minded people. Find him a hobby, let him join a sport, fill that hole with something else
It’s possible to believe in a God, without believing in a particular religion. That’s pretty much the way I feel. I don’t think you can put God into a box.
Many of us look back at our “coming out” from religion as a quantum leap forward. It’s a big step to only believe in things that make sense to us, rather than things we were taught that don’t make sense. “Losing your faith” can be a positive step in the direction of reason and logic and happiness. It’s your life, and you have the right to define it however you wish. Nobody has the right to take that away from you.
As I type this I’m sitting on the couch enjoying a quiet evening with my Small Girl. Se just turned 7. She’s a happy, funny, smart, delightful little kid, kind to others and healthy and safe.
She’s never been exposed to a religion or religious instruction. Doesn’t seem to be hurting her any. Nobody needs a church.
I’m raising two kids in a country which couldn’t be any less like the 1960s Utah community I grew up. Even if I wanted to try to recreate it, I couldn’t. They’ll do fine.
Kids need loving, involved parents much more that the belief in a Flying Spaghetti Monster.
