The Canadian Men's Hockey Team: Fuck You

The BBQ Pit
1

What a bunch of fucking pansy-ass losers. Shut out by Russia today to be knocked out of the Olympics. Shut out three times in four games, in fact. Once by Switzerland, that great hockey superpower.

The shutouts were not flukes. Their play was terrible.

So I’d like to pit:

1. Wayne Gretzky. Thanks so much for choosing a team comprised of all your old bobos where the average age was about 68. What a good idea it was for you to leave young guns like Eric Staal and Jason Spezza at home while dressing slow thugs like Todd Bertuzzi. Of course, you did remember to bring Rick Nash, whose entire resume consists of a fluke 41-goal performance (with just 17 assists, as he cannot pass) in 04-05 and little else. Predictably, he was terrible, the worst forward in the tournament from a real hockey country. That worked out real fucking good. Hey, look who was in the penalty box when Russia scored the winning goal. Todd Bertuzzi! Quelle surprise. Did Janet bet on Russia?

2. Canada’s hockey commentators, specifically Ron MacLean. Ron, you’re one of the best sportscasters out there, but for fuck’s sake, be honest. When our national team is disgraced, say so. Don’t say “Well, you have to understand, they were under a lot of pressure and they didn’t have Mario Lemieux.” No, really, he actually said that.

Hey, shitwit: Russia didn’t have Mario Lemieux either. Finland didn’t have Mario Lemieux. Switzerfuckingland didn’t have Mario Lemieux. Guess what? They all kicked our asses anyway! And as for pressure, they’re fucking NHL All-Stars. If they can’t hack some pressure, they should get out of the fucking sport. Do you like Eric Staal and Jason Spezza wouldn’t have liked to take some of that pressure?

3. Pat Quinn. Why in the name of Christ is Pat Quinn the coach of our national team? Exactly how many Stanley Cups has he won, anyway? I guessI should blame whomever picked him. But do you think maybe Quinn could have made ONE adjustment? Changed one thing to avoid what was obviously a train wreck waiting to happen?

4. Chris Pronger. Actual post-game interview:

Interviewer: Well, what can you take away from this?

Pronger: Well, we learned.

Interviewer: What did you learn?

Pronger: What it takes to win at this level.

You mean you didn’t already know that? Umm, didn’t we win this event just four years ago? Haven’t you been in the sport’s most elite league for twelve years? How can you not fucking know what it takes to win? And if you didn’t know, why did you not ask, for fuck’s sake? Wouldn’t you have at least asked after you lost to SWITZERLAND? Are you retarded?

5. The rest of the team, except the goalies. You played like shit. You were disorganized and confused and never tried to do it any different. Granted you had a shitty coach, but you’re all-stars, for fuck’s sake. Grow a fucking pair.

We have what, two thirds of the NHL? Two thirds of the All-Star teams? There’s no excuse for being shut out three times in four games. We should never, ever go 3-3 in any tournament that included games against Italy and Germany. Disgraceful. If they’d lost a tough quarterfinal against Russia because Ovechkin went nuts and scored 5 goals, well, that happens. But their performance throughout the tournament was atrocious.

On the other hand, I give laurels and worship to our WOMEN’S hockey team, who kicked five hundred different kinds of ass and are the unquestioned empresses of that sport. Everyoen criticized them for running it up against weakling teams, but see, it wasn’t their fault. They had drive and competitiveness and were determined to win gold, and so they did. Obviously we should have dressed them up in the guy’s uniforms and deployed them against Russia today.

2

How’d Sidney Crosby do?

3

Hey, if it makes you feel better, it’s not like the U.S. team has been dazzling everyone with their play. It took a Latvian loss to get us into the quarters, and the 3rd period of the game on Saturday was some of the worst hockey I’ve seen all year, and I saw Columbus get blown out by L.A. over 2 periods earlier this season.

4

Why Quinn didn’t call a timeout with an offensive zone faceoff in the last minute, I’ll never know.

I’m hoping the reason that the Leafs haven’t fired him was because he was the coach of all our recent Men’s international success. Hopefully, he’ll never coach for Canada again and won’t be seen in Toronto after this season.’

Fuck you, Chris Pronger for being such a complete waste of a roster spot. Luckily, you’re not alone.

Crosby, Staal, Spezza and Phaneuf. I said it two months ago and I’ll say it again there’s no excuse for these four not being on the team.

5

What really frustrates me is that all through the tournament the announcers kept saying how unimportant the preliminaries are and that the team will come alive when it counts. The problem is that they showed no signs of that being possible at any time in the tournament.

The defence: at no time did they seem to impose there will out there. The juniors were so successful over the last two years (I believe) because they showed the Russian forwards what’s what right from the go. The men all seemed to play as though it was no body contact. Make them afraid to go into the corners. Don’t do anything illegal but hit them for heavens sake. Don’t let the forwards skate unoposed through the neutral zone. It was infuriating to watch the russians, czechs and fins build up a head of steam by the time they entered the Canadian zone. I know we all hate the trap but there’s no reason you have to give them the entire neutral zone.

Why was Brian McCabe there instead of Dion Phaneuf? He (McCabe) is an offensive defenseman with next to no defensive skills who is lucky to play with Kaberle (a very underrated defenseman)

The Offence: They played like they all wanted to individually take the team to gold. They had no chemistry whatsoever and what’s worse, they didn’t seem to even attempt to rectify it.

They have such an incredible group of players to choose from too. Why not a Marc Savard, Dany Heatley, and Jason Spezza line? All are having phenomenal season and all have played with at least one other person. Plus they’re young and relatively fast. Sidney Crosby might be 18, people don’t realise this but he’s 2 years younger than Ovechkin. Despite the fact that he’s young he still manages to dominate the center of the ice. He doesn’t fall into the trap of trying to beat people down the boards. he goes straight north-south and sees the ice really well. You put him with a couple of superstar veterens and you put up points.

Lecavlier, Richards, and St. Louis play on the same damn team. Would someone explain to me why they weren’t on the same line?

Goaltending? Aces. I’ve always said that Brodeur was only good because he played for a defensive minded team. This season - and specifically this olympics - he’s made a believer out of me (I know his stats, I know I’m a little late).

For me, this whole thing has been frustrating right from the selection camp. I’m not going to get on Gretzky. Sure… I don’t think he did a great job but I also don’t think there’s anyone better to do the job. Lets just hope he learns from this.

The real tragedy for me is that Cindy Klassen and Kristina Groves skated a great race today but few people will remember this as they day they won, rather than the day Team Canada lost.l

6

Can I bitch about the U.S team in here?
We were in a head-to-head race with you guys for the coveted “all over-rated and over the hill team” Derrian Hatcher as top defender? Sure he’s as big as a mountain, but less mobile than one. All he has done for the past five years is clutch, grab and hook, which is fucking worthless on big Olympic ice. Tkachuk came through in the exact manner I expect, pure liability. Although Chelios showed he still has more heart then most of the team combined.

At least in the last period the coach finally decided that if fossilis are gonna suck, they’re not gonna play, and let the young guys rule the ice. Which almost worked against a very good looking Fin team, but to little to late.

7

Based on what happened not long ago when the American Junior team was playing in Vancouver, I must admit a little bit of glee in this year’s showing from the Canadians.

Sorry, I know this is like poking a rabid dog with a sharp stick, but I’ll giggle my way through any pile on that may result. :stuck_out_tongue:

8

Nah, I think we needed a good stomping and hopefully it’ll be good for Swiss hockey.

It’s funny, Gretsky said at the beginning of the tournament that “on paper” this team was more solid than the 2002 team. He did add though, that the real proof is in actually getting a medal.

9

What, you mean flying elbows that went virtually unpunished?

10

Let’s not leave Modano out. Here’s an article detailing his comments in full. I knew this crap was coming when I saw Modano losing his damn mind in the Khazakstan game when he felt he was being interfered with. Never mind that he just could’ve skated around the guy. :rolleyes: That assclown doesn’t deserve to be on another olympic team and he sure as hell doesn’t deserve the “C” he wears on the Stars.

As for Canada, I knew they were going to lose the game right at the beginning when I heard that they were going to try to keep the play on the boards and use their size advantage. Of all of the things that they had going for them, size was the least of it. With the talent they had, and Brodeur in net, I honestly think that they could’ve won a wide open game. As it was they seemed bewildered right from the opening face off. The Russians never stayed still long enough for the “size advantage” to be a factor. No surprise there. I just don’t know what the coaches were thinking.

Overall, Team Canada was poorly coached and Team USA was a team in name only.

11

Oh Jesus, I forgot about Crosby and Phaneuf. Outrageous. Maybe Gretzky will let them play in 2022 when they’re fucking old.

Russia let THEIR Calder Trophy candidate, Ovechkin, on their team. Guess who scored today’s winning goal?

This is not just Monday morning quarterbacking. I said before the Games the team was too old. I was right. But frankly, they still should have played better than this.

12

while i agree that there were several players who made the team who shouldn’t have, and several who should have made the team but didn’t (most of those names have already been mentioned, plus there were guys missing due to injury); and that the team was poorly coached (should have been a sutter behind the bench - it doesn’t matter which one.) this team should have still made the medal round.

the only excuse is poor play. damn hell ass sucky play. passing was off. setting up the offensive zone, and clearing the defensive zone, were at times a major problem. dumbass penalties prevented any attempt at setting the flow of games in canada’s favour.

in short, as a team, they just blew it. completely. from top to bottom; from the organization to the ice.

but it could have been worse - if brodeur wasn’t playing as well as he did, we’d have been blown out embarassingly in the last two games. that is no consolation though, for a canadian hockey team.

13

In the offensive zone this team looked lost. For all the supposed firepower, it seemed like they were always a man short.

And it is a shame that a such a great day for Canada in the Olympics will be overshadowed by this loss. Almost makes me wonder if it would be better if they went back to amateur players that shared the spotlight. Let the Spengler Cup team play instead.

14

Now that there’s no countries like the Soviets and Czechs to cheat and pass off pros as amateurs, I’d be okay with that.

15

So…(asking as a person more or less clueless about hockey) are these current Olympic hockey games, ones that Canada could have won with Canadian Olympic teams of years past, or has the overall standard of international play now risen to the point that Canadian Pro players (even playing well) are no longer one-on -one dominant vs other international players ?

16

The standard of international play is very high, and has been for quite a while. In tournaments like this it should not be considered a significant upset if any one of Canada, US, Russia, Sweden, Finland, or the Czech Republic win. However, if you were to assemble a league made up of these 6 teams, over the course of an 80 game season, Canada would win substantially more games than the others, and would be highly likely to win a playoffs consisting of 7 game series, barring opposing goalies being on ridiculous hot streaks.

These Olympic tournaments are less about who has more hockey talent, and more about who can come together as a team more quickly. Whatever our guys are doing to come together as a team clearly isn’t working, cuz they’ve sucked at all three Olympics since NHLers participated. Yes I know they won the last one. They stick sucked at coming together as a team.

17

Well, I guess that the style of crappiness the Rangers finally shook this year was passed on to the North American Olympic teams.

Works for me. I care so much less about the US team than about the Rangers actually making the playoffs, and dare I dream, winning a playoff series*, that I can’t even begin to describe it.

I found myself rooting for Lundqvist when he was playing against the US team. That’s how bad I got it.

*Of course I’m fully expecting the Rangers to mirror the Giants almost exactly. Win the division, then get humiliated against their first playoff opponent.

18

You knew the U.S. team would suck as soon as the roster came out. Talk about old! They have a lot of talent in the younger generation that could have at least gotten some experience.

The Canadian team was awful, even worse than the U.S. Not as huge a surprise as some might think, though. They did little in '98 too. When the games were in Utah the North American teams did well, but in Europe the European teams dominated. The U.S. basketball team showed how having the best players guarantees nothing - especially when fielding an all-star squad in leu of a real team.

Ultimately though, who really cares? We aren’t on the teams. Let the players be the ones who get bummed out over this.

19

I was watching a little CBC News just before I went to bed. One question (I don’t know the news guy) was along the lines of ‘Why did we lose?’ The answer was basically, ‘We didn’t score.’

20

Finland is going to win the gold.