…keep the ones who cheated death last year, replace the ones who didn’t. That way I’m assured that I will get points from every person on my list. They can’t live forever!
Gerald Ford, oldest ex-prez (b. 1913)
Lilian Jackson Braun, author who writes about cats (b. 1916)
Billy Graham, famous rev (b. 1918)
Mickey Spillane, author (b. 1918)
Pope John Paul II, popular choice (b. 1920)
Jesse Helms, embarrassment (b. 1921)
John Glenn, astronaut/politician (b. 1921)
Lee Iacocca, former automotive boss-type person (b. 1924)
Dick Van Dyke, actor (b. 1925)
Anne Rice, gothy nut (b. 1941)
Stephen Hawking, physicist (b. 1942)
Keith Richards, walking corpse (b. 1943)
John Goodman, actor (b. 1952)
ALTERNATES
Kirk Douglas, “Spartacus” (b. 1916)
James Doohan, “Scotty” (b. 1920)
Jerry Lewis, muscular dystrophy pledgeathon spokesman (b. 1926)
Courtney Love
Viktor Yushchenko
William Rehnquist
Bob Newhart
Mary Kate Olsen
Macaulay Culkin
Nick Nolte
Tracey Gold
Dick Clark
Dick Cheney
Michael Moore
Fidel Castro
Anna Nicole Smith
1.The Pope
2. Gerald Ford
3. Courtney Love
4. Dick Cheney
5. Dick Clark
6. Dan Rather
7. James Brown
8. Steve-O
9. Rosa Parks
10. Mary-Kate Olsen
11. Andy Griffin
12. Oral Roberts
13. Whitney Houston
Pope John Paul II (He’s simply got to croak some time soon. If, during 2005, it is discovered that he’s been dead since 1996 and the Cardinals have been controlling his preserved corpse with puppet strings for nine years, how does that work with the rules? Do we get the points?)
George W Bush (Tecumseh’s curse won’t be denied again.)
Michael Moore (He’s overweight, generally unhealthy, and keeps making a bunch of people with guns very angry. Plus, he’s worth a shitload of points. That’s a winner in my book.)
Stephen Hawking (If this guy isn’t the current world record holder of longest survival with ALS, I’d like to know who is.)
Paul Newman (Doesn’t look too hot these days.)
Roger Moore (Ditto.)
Peter Mayhew (Tall people die young, they say.)
John Goodman (John Candy was both slimmer and younger when he bought it.)
Paris Hilton (Dying is about the only thing she hasn’t done for publicity, so it’s probably on her 2005 agenda.)
Kurt Vonnegut (I’d be really sad to see him go, but he is getting up there in years.)
Ron Kovic (He’s 58 years old and has spent 35 of them in a wheelchair paralyzed from the chest down; it must be his time soon.)
John Wayne Bobbitt (People seem to get violent around him.)
I was going to pick me, because if I die during 2005 I want something for it and the seventy-plus points I’d provide would probably get me the victory, but then I read the “No Dopers” rule. So I’ll just say Carl XIV Gustaf, King of Sweden, and let it be with that. You never know, some crazy republican could turn up with a rifle or something.
Well, here goes nothing: Leslie Neilson (Actor - b. 02/11/26) Carol Burnett (Acress - b. 04/26/33) Bob Denver (Actor - b. 01/09/35) Gordie Howe (Fmr. Hockey Player - b. 03/31/28) Walter Mondale (Fmr. US VP - b. 01/05/28)
**Margaret Thatcher ** (Fmr. UK PM - b. 10/13/25) Dick Cavett (Fmr. TV Host - b. 11/19/36)
**Larry King **(TV Host - b. 11/19/33) Neil Armstrong (US Astronaut - b. 08/05/30) Osama Bin Laden (Terrorist - b. 07/30/57) Dr. Ruth Westheimer (Sexual Health Consultant - b. 06/04/28) Tom Bosley (Actor - b. 10/01/27) MC Hammer (Rapper - b. 03/30/62)
And if somebody should kak before the 1st (or my research proves faulty) substitute:
James Burrows (Director / Producer - b. 12/30/40)
My strategy:
On the whole I went for quantity points over age points and tried to pick people nobody else has thought of but are likely to not see '06.
